[Traditional Enneagram] handprint.com Enneagram test

[Thalassa]

Quick Enneagram Test with Hilarious Result

Handprint Test

Here's mine (I got 4, like I usually do on E- quizzes):

Artist




Your core personality is probably Enneagram Type 4, the ARTIST, also known as the VISIONARY or the SLACKER.

You are so wrapped up in your own quote sensitivity, creativity and intuition unquote that you are completely walled off from other people. You would rather stare at a painting or listen to music than deal with reality. You retreat inside your imagination not because it is profound, but because it's never challenging.

Your SECRET JOYS include showing your independence by acting in ways that other people would consider utterly stupid, and expressing your individuality over and over and over and over -- until you are up to your ears in your own unique personal individual rut.

Some of your SECRET FEARS are that people will just get bored with you, that you will end up with a job in an insurance company or bank, that you will actually have to work hard on a regular basis, or that you will get so depressed with your inadequacies that you will kill yourself. No loss to the world if you do.

Under STRESS you begin to move toward Enneagram Type 2, the HELPER. This could lead you to barter your body or your self-respect -- under the guise of expressing your independence or tasting a forbidden love -- to get a feeble semblance of intimacy.

AT YOUR BEST you begin to move toward Enneagram Type 1, the IDEALIST. You think of yourself as a work of art, develop intricate exegetical accounts of your life history, expound Your View of You to whoever will sit still for it, and singlehandedly put one or two therapists into wealthy retirement.

 

[Tyrinth]

I got 4 as well.

 

[Thalassa]

LOL by answering the "with buddies" or "alone" question differently I ended up being E6. Maybe this test is fairly accurate despite the fact that it's quick and silly.

 

[garbage]

I took both branches on this question:

You're filling out one of those dating questionnaires, and it asks you what trait is strong in you that you want to be strong in your partner too: that trait is

... the energy and self confidence to take charge, make things happen, and create something out of your life.
... the intelligence and insight to think through a problem using rational principles and reliable information.

because I value the second only slightly less than the first.

Got 3 with the first branch; 5 with the second

Here's 3:

Your core personality is probably Enneagram Type 3, the PERFORMER, also known as the ACHIEVER or the SHOWOFF.

You have such an impoverished understanding of life that you can compulsively believe your task is the most important activity in the universe. Your ratlike view of self-improvement means you will blindly run any treadmill a cunning supervisor or spouse puts under your paws.

Your SECRET JOYS include getting awarded little plaques and faux-parchment certificates, discovering your smiling photo in some cheap industry publication, making your coworkers look like lazy idiots, and shouting salutations to people you spot in parking lots.

Some of your SECRET FEARS are that people will pay more attention to someone other than you, some jerk will ask you a question you're not smart enough to answer, you'll get fired to make way for a younger worker, or you'll arrive at a meeting with your fly open.

Under STRESS you begin to move toward Enneagram Type 9, the PEACEMAKER. You become a total tool of your superiors and submit to any kind of humiliation in order to meet impossible work demands.

AT YOUR BEST you begin to move toward Enneagram Type 6, the JOINER. You accept your limitations, ignore the food stains on your clothes, work no harder than necessary, and give teary-eyed thanks for the cheap watch you receive at your group retirement dinner.

 

[cascadeco]

5

Your core personality is probably Enneagram Type 5, the THINKER, also known as the INTELLECTUAL or the NERD.

 

[Lady_X]

wth! i took it 3 times! and i got 2 then 6 then 8! i had trouble understanding how to do it. :/

 

[Thursday]

taking this later

 

[Ginkgo]

Helper


Your core personality is probably
Enneagram Type 2, the HELPER
also known as the NURTURER or the GOFER.

You're so needy in relationships that you will go to any length to please other people, no matter what they do to you in return. You either become a manipulative neurotic or a quivering love-slave to your idolized King of Kings.

Your SECRET JOYS include being humilated for affection. You love to cringe and scrape for just a few crumbs of love, to violate someone's privacy in the service of your morbid curiosity, and to work so hard for someone that you make yourself sick.

Some of your SECRET FEARS are that people will find out how needy you really are, that you will turn into a cheap slut, that your lover is a cheap slut, that your Christmas gifts will get returned, or that people laugh at you behind your back. Which they do anyway.

Under STRESS you begin to move toward Enneagram Type 8, the LEADER. You may take on impossible tasks in order to feel worthy of drawing breath, or climb on a cross in order to berate your precious loved ones for their ingratitude after all the many things you've done for them.

AT YOUR BEST you begin to move toward Enneagram Type 4, the ARTIST. You start to get in touch with your feelings, develop a fondness for tacky art, wear loud fabrics, and blather on about the progress of your inner healing from the love addiction trip you've been on for so many years.




LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

 

[Rasofy]

Thinker


Your core personality is probably Enneagram Type 5, the THINKER, also known as the INTELLECTUAL or the NERD.

You are so logical and analytical that your guts are all dried out. Your expertise can't hide the fact that you're afraid to plunge into the real world. You fundamentally abhor ambiguity or complexity. The more perceptive and observant you are, the more often you feel the paranoia of your own shortcomings, particularly toward other people.

Your SECRET JOYS include doing math or crossword problems in your head, teaching children how to multiply, determining experimentally the exact best heat setting on your toaster, keeping careful track of expenses and gas mileage, and reading the columns of Marilyn vos Savant.

Some of your SECRET FEARS are that you will lose a treasured tool, that you'll mispronounce a common technical term, that you'll get ripped off by a common tradesman, or that you will blunder away your Queen for a Knight and two Pawns.

Under STRESS you begin to move toward Enneagram Type 7, the ENTHUSIAST. You become so desperate to appear smarter than everyone else that you seek to become an expert in all things, driving you either into ironic deconstructionist bullshit or into a chronically argumentative but platitudinous approach to every topic that you happen to talk about.

AT YOUR BEST you begin to move toward Enneagram Type 8, the LEADER. You expiate on topics with such boundless and pointless erudition that you appear once or twice on public broadcasting, purchase environmentally friendly products far in advance of your neighbors, and develop a politically correct speaking style hung on nothing but abstract nouns and passive verbs.

Like.

 

[Thursday]

Got 4. Meh.

 

[Orangey]

Got 7.

Your core personality is probably Enneagram Type 7, the ENTHUSIAST, also known as the DILETTANTE or the QUITTER.

You are highly responsive, exciteable, and enthusastic about sensations and experiences. So lively, vivacious and spontaneous, in fact, that if you had an ounce of insight you'd realize you're living a life without purpose. Whenever you stumble into a partial awareness of your utter superificiality, you can usually find a drug, new movie, or wild infatuation to help you forget about it.

Your SECRET JOYS include having an orgasm, eating more than your share, driving too fast while drunk, flirting, having sex without a condom, telling your boss to go fuck himself, breaking windows, and developing a deep relationship with a dumb barking animal.

Some of your SECRET FEARS are that you will not have anyone to party with on weekends, that you'll be trapped at home on a rainy day with nothing to do, that you will have to work for more than two months at a stretch, that your love interest will ask you for a commitment, or that you will run out of drugs.

Under STRESS you begin to move toward Enneagram Type 1, the IDEALIST. You plunge into a twelve-step program, religious movement, or new age self-improvement fraud in a desperate search for order and structure in your life. You preach your conversion loud and often, until the novelty wears off and you wander off to something new.

AT YOUR BEST you begin to move toward Enneagram Type 5, the THINKER. You turn your flighty and lightweight personality toward self-conscious philosophizing and moralizing, discovering that you're much more in demand with your drinking buddies when you can offer them platitudes to ridicule. And best of all, because you seem to be sincerely grappling with life's mysteries, nobody much minds that you never stick with anything long enough to find real answers.

 

[ygolo]

This test has been around for a long time, but it looks like they found new servers:

Thinker


Your core personality is probably Enneagram Type 5, the THINKER, also known as the INTELLECTUAL or the NERD.

You are so logical and analytical that your guts are all dried out. Your expertise can't hide the fact that you're afraid to plunge into the real world. You fundamentally abhor ambiguity or complexity. The more perceptive and observant you are, the more often you feel the paranoia of your own shortcomings, particularly toward other people.

Your SECRET JOYS include doing math or crossword problems in your head, teaching children how to multiply, determining experimentally the exact best heat setting on your toaster, keeping careful track of expenses and gas mileage, and reading the columns of Marilyn vos Savant.

Some of your SECRET FEARS are that you will lose a treasured tool, that you'll mispronounce a common technical term, that you'll get ripped off by a common tradesman, or that you will blunder away your Queen for a Knight and two Pawns.

Under STRESS you begin to move toward Enneagram Type 7, the ENTHUSIAST. You become so desperate to appear smarter than everyone else that you seek to become an expert in all things, driving you either into ironic deconstructionist bullshit or into a chronically argumentative but platitudinous approach to every topic that you happen to talk about.

AT YOUR BEST you begin to move toward Enneagram Type 8, the LEADER. You expiate on topics with such boundless and pointless erudition that you appear once or twice on public broadcasting, purchase environmentally friendly products far in advance of your neighbors, and develop a politically correct speaking style hung on nothing but abstract nouns and passive verbs.

Big surprise

 

[Eugene Watson VIII]

2. Not true

 

[acronach]

"Many centuries ago, the indolent holy men of a Muslim goatherding culture devised a new interpretation of human nature, and passed it down through obscure traditions of mystical thought. Now, thanks to the latest scientific research and digital technology...

you too can experience the overwhelming power of ... the Enneagram!"

lol, nice intro XD a short paragraph that starts with "many centuries ago" and includes the words "holy" and "mystical." is this a personality test or an rpg with crappy graphics?

the answers to the first question both end with the words "kind of stuff"...

only like 3 questions... ummm...

holy crap it actually typed me right! XD

"AT YOUR BEST you begin to move toward Enneagram Type 8, the LEADER. You expiate on topics with such boundless and pointless erudition that you appear once or twice on public broadcasting, purchase environmentally friendly products far in advance of your neighbors, and develop a politically correct speaking style hung on nothing but abstract nouns and passive verbs."

this sounds a lot more like average 1w9 than healthy 5, seriously, there is just so much wrong with this paragraph... atleast they got the direction of integration right, lol

 

[acronach]

seriously though, about 90% of this test needs to be remade imo

 

[Z Buck McFate]

Your SECRET JOYS include doing math or crossword problems in your head, teaching children how to multiply, determining experimentally the exact best heat setting on your toaster, keeping careful track of expenses and gas mileage, and reading the columns of Marilyn vos Savant.​

What's funny is how true this is for me, all of it except for that last part- I didn't know who Marilyn vos Savant is, had to google it. But even "teaching children to multiply"- teaching my son to multiply in his head is one of my favorite parenting memories.

 

[Chiharu]

... I got 2. I'm not a 2. No.

 

[acronach]

looks like 5s are pretty much the only ones who were typed right

 

[highlander]

Common result but wrong.

Leader

Your core personality is probably Enneagram Type 8, the LEADER, also known as the BOSS or the ASSHOLE.

You like to be in control and assert your will on other people -- especially children, the elderly, and service employees. You often shout, swear, get red in the face, pound on or throw things, and tug at your pants. You claim not to care what other people think, yet you want them to fear you as often as possible. You love to protect other people, especially women, then ridicule them as weak and incompetent.

Your SECRET JOYS are turning a screw or locknut extra tight, haranguing clerks or waitresses about bad service, imposing senseless work procedures on helpless underlings, installing The ClubTM on your car's steering wheel, and cleaning your shotgun.

Some of your SECRET FEARS are that you will feel afraid, that you will feel afraid of your fear of feeling afraid, that you will have a prostate exam, that you will thrill to the prostate exam, that you will take a shower with a homosexual, or that you will be insulted by a car full of black teenagers.

Under STRESS you begin to move toward Enneagram Type 5, the THINKER. You develop insane justifications for your need to control others, and may succumb to conspiracy theories or unbridled hatred of government. You spout intricate rationales for segregation, euthanasia, and a full deployment of stealth technology.

AT YOUR BEST you begin to move toward Enneagram Type 2, the HELPER. You become infatuated with your supposed ability to help others, intrude yourself into a variety of highly visible charity roles, and develop self-serving stories about your desire to "give back to the community" -- all the time making sure you get a nice little kickback on the side.

 

[CuriousFeeling]

Artist


Your core personality is probably Enneagram Type 4, the ARTIST, also known as the VISIONARY or the SLACKER.

You are so wrapped up in your own quote sensitivity, creativity and intuition unquote that you are completely walled off from other people. You would rather stare at a painting or listen to music than deal with reality. You retreat inside your imagination not because it is profound, but because it's never challenging.

Your SECRET JOYS include showing your independence by acting in ways that other people would consider utterly stupid, and expressing your individuality over and over and over and over -- until you are up to your ears in your own unique personal individual rut.

Some of your SECRET FEARS are that people will just get bored with you, that you will end up with a job in an insurance company or bank, that you will actually have to work hard on a regular basis, or that you will get so depressed with your inadequacies that you will kill yourself. No loss to the world if you do.

Under STRESS you begin to move toward Enneagram Type 2, the HELPER. This could lead you to barter your body or your self-respect -- under the guise of expressing your independence or tasting a forbidden love -- to get a feeble semblance of intimacy.

AT YOUR BEST you begin to move toward Enneagram Type 1, the IDEALIST. You think of yourself as a work of art, develop intricate exegetical accounts of your life history, expound Your View of You to whoever will sit still for it, and singlehandedly put one or two therapists into wealthy retirement.