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[Traditional Enneagram] How did you determine your motivational fear?

jenhetlee

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Dec 11, 2013
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It seems that enneagram type is largely focused on the primary fear which motivates someone's actions. In my opinion this seems like an incredibly difficult thing to do. I cannot seem to find out what my fear is.

Is there a way in which people out there, who know their enneagram type, found out the fear that motivates their actions?
 

skylights

i love
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For me it was a matter of observing my behavior and tracing back. I mistyped as 3 for a while because I have a strong concern with success, excellence, and perfectionism, but, observing my behavior in situations, it is not rooted in "performance" or image-preservation.

You can try to look at your situational behaviors which are notably different than others' behaviors, which may give you a place to start. What purpose did your behavior serve in that situation? Were you protecting yourself, taking care of someone else, presenting a good side of yourself, etc? It is not the behavior itself that is important or indicative, but the reasoning behind it.
 
W

WhoCares

Guest
We all have an overlay of fears but for me the decider is what has driven me consistently throughout my entire life. I have always been striving to find my holy grail, the one thing I am really good at. That describes perfectly a type 5. Of ourse its hard to me to find my holy grail because I find I can develop facility in most things I turn my hand to. So I guess I am still looking for the one thing I have genius abilities at. I doubt I will ever find such a thing, but the endless striving for mastery is what defines me. This motivation rarely manifested as a fear in my younger years, but it is registering off the radar now that I have passed midlife. I guess the fear factor ramps up as ones death comes into view.

I have never typed as a 5 in any enneagram test actually. I always type as a 1, but I know without doubt that the 1 type does not fit my core motivations or fears at all and when I look at myself in disintegration I am even less 1-like.
 

Lady_X

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as a 7 i don't think we're always aware initially that we are fearful...that our moving towards the positive or the fun is a reaction to the fear of the opposite. to be without options, without the freedom of movement and change, of being trapped and stifled.
 

prplchknz

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yupp
haven't figured it out fear for me leads to obsession and paralisis
 
G

garbage

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I lucked out. The first time I visited an Enneagram forum, they pegged me as a 3w4 after my very first post. It took me a while to completely figure it out for myself, in large part because type descriptions and others' perceptions of your type are mired by stereotypical external behaviors. I'm not exactly flashy or materialistic (typical external traits of 3s) but I do know that I have that core 3 fear of 'not being good enough.' (The fears behind 6, 5, and 1 also fit to varying degrees.)

I think the general process of figuring the stuff out is similar for everyone--read, think, and experience--but the specific details on the realization differ per individual. You're ahead of most people, in that you recognize that it's all about that core fear or desire.

Here's a kickass site. The one-line "Basic fear" and "Basic desires" on the Enneagram Institute site (as per, say, the Type 7 description) are pretty good too. You could also throw up a 'type me' thread. Think about any fears that don't fit. Also forget about the nuances of the Enneagram for now (such as points of integration and disintegration, etc.)
 

Dannik

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my fear is to be disconnected from people, to lack personal understanding
 

Chad of the OttomanEmpire

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I've recently re-thought my type--I've mistyped for about 15 years because I'm not a typical version of my type.

Tracing behaviors only helps so much, because we often use the defenses of our wings, our connecting points, or another fix. Again, I don't really behave in half the ways my core type is supposed to. Also, I've observed that sometimes we've been conditioned to behave like one type, and it turns out there's another one underlying it. Because I recently went through this very thing, I'll pass along some advice.

- It helps to establish a "baseline mood"--when you're at home staring at the walls, where are you at mentally and emotionally? (For example, many 4s report that their baseline is "melancholy").

- Where were you as a little kid? Was there any perception you remember having that you can't find any reason for?

- If you are very familiar with the enneagram, you can generally see yourself in the surrounding types--and if you pay attention, you should be able to see how both influence you all day long.

- What is your super-ego always telling you? I read Maitri recently, and she suggests writing out a conversation between your id, ego, and super-ego. When I did so, my type became very obvious. Listen to the ways you think you "should" be, and the things you've done to live up to that image.

- What is your ego ideal? I mean, how would you ideally be if given the chance (you don't necessarily have to live up to it--I certainly fail at living up to mine, lol).

- What pisses you off for others to observe in you? You should have some sort of ego reaction against people attacking your defenses and get angry or feel "hurt".

- What "felt sense" do you have of your childhood? Were you deprived? Wronged? Abandoned? If you're not sure, write a short autobiography and try to determine what you are upset about.

At least, these observations are what eventually persuaded me of my core type. Hope it helps someone somewhere.
 

Animal

So carnal it's spiritual
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I'm rethinking my type too. I am certain of my tritype and have been for a year, since I read Naranjo and Maitri. 4w3, 7w6, 8w7, in some order - though I already mistyped at 8 and having thought this through thoroughly, I know it's not my core. I still think I'm a core 4, but I'm seriously considering core 7, too. I understand type 7 very well, due to my father being a 7w8 and my many-years best friend being a 7w6, and also being close to a handful of other 7s (even though I'm not exactly close to tons of people). I can write a fictional 7 like no one else. ;) I see 7 in me but I am not sure if it's my core. Wouldn't any chronically ill person feel trapped and deprived of a real life? The thing that hit me hardest about my chronic illness was losing my singing voice. Prior to illness I was more than a professional singer.. I was a lifestyle singer, the kind who practiced the same note or word in every key, every which way, for 10 hours a day as a kid. The illness left me speaking in a whisper. I was not singing incorrectly or smoking; I did absolutely everything right, but the illness goes for the part of your body where there's the most blood flow and ravages it, with most people. For runners it gets their knees..etc. So there I was at age 16 with no voice. I also couldn't walk for a while and lost my independence; I had enough money from singing to move out at 15 and a whole career plan and now, I would be dependent on my parents forever, due to expensive medications and not enough health to work adequately. This bothers the hell out of me, but what hurts the most is losing my voice- my passion, my purpose, my identity. Even my parents, who are psychiatrists, say that my voice loss upset me because I "lost my identity" - and I used to get really mad at them for saying that and deny it although I knew it was true. I would claim , "it's not my identity, I AM MY VOICE, it's who I really am!"

So, I'm pretty sure that's 4. And I think it is fairly easy for me to see my core fears in my tritype because it's pretty obvious what stood out when I lost everything. Of course, a person losing everything is going to feel useless and incapable which is why I mistyped at 5 way back then.. and some things are just human, and shared human experience. But if I think about what affects me the most LONG TERM, it's 4 and 7 stuff... but I'm pretty sure the 4... wins. Because now, I have a lot more confidence and I don't feel deprived any more, for one reason alone: I sang lead through my whisper on my album, thus reclaiming my identity. I'm still deprived of a real life, but this doesn't bother me. The only deprivation that bothers me is that I can't sing on stage very often, my whispery voice comes and goes, and I'm not healthy enough to perform... that I cannot OWN my identity, passion, and purpose... day in and day out. But I am not 'nobody' because I have already released an album, and this is solid proof that I triumphed over adversity and reclaimed my identity; reawakened from the undead.

The worst thing to me, would be: to let the world mold me into someone other than I am, to be deprived of the ability to express myself, and to be weak & controlled by others. I didn't need enneagram to tell me that - it's written all over the diaries I have kept ever since I was small. These are the things that my whole life is spent warding against. But how to determine which is core...is harder. I'm pretty sure it's 4 though because, the one thing I don't want to be deprived of, or too 'weak to do,' is express my true self.... through my creative work and my lifestyle. As long as I have enough health and resources to do that, I am in control. As long as I can be true to myself, I am alive.
 

JAVO

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Of course, a person losing everything is going to feel useless and incapable which is why I mistyped at 5 way back then
Are you saying 5's are useless and incapable? :puppy_dog_eyes:




Just kidding ;)
 

chubber

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haven't figured it out fear for me leads to obsession and paralisis

paralysis? Did the old witch sit on your chest... or the other one, the alien abducted you? :D
 

Animal

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Are you saying 5's are useless and incapable? :puppy_dog_eyes:




Just kidding ;)
hehehe.

Or did I imply 5s are more useful and capable than anyone due to fear of being the opposite? ;)
 

chubber

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I experienced it once. Horrible feeling. Couldn't move or feel myself breathing, but my eyes are open.
 

Animal

So carnal it's spiritual
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I've recently re-thought my type--I've mistyped for about 15 years because I'm not a typical version of my type.

Tracing behaviors only helps so much, because we often use the defenses of our wings, our connecting points, or another fix. Again, I don't really behave in half the ways my core type is supposed to. Also, I've observed that sometimes we've been conditioned to behave like one type, and it turns out there's another one underlying it. Because I recently went through this very thing, I'll pass along some advice.
I'm going to take your advice and answer these :)
This is not a type-me thread so I guess I shouldn't talk about my type that much here? But I can "test the test" and see how your questions turn out? :) I'll put it in a spoiler.



In conclusion, if my type is indeed 4 then this probably worked? :p
 

Azure Flame

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It seems that enneagram type is largely focused on the primary fear which motivates someone's actions. In my opinion this seems like an incredibly difficult thing to do. I cannot seem to find out what my fear is.

Is there a way in which people out there, who know their enneagram type, found out the fear that motivates their actions?

E8 here. Its hard for me to tell, but it starts to become apparent when enough friends tell you their perception of you. For example, a lot of my friends view me as if I'm some kind of 12 year old wearing battle armor, and ask me why I give people I don't know hostile looks despite saying objectively nice things to them.

All of this happens without me knowing. I look at my life and I know what I want, which has to do with freedom from oppression and being independant because most people ruin my life, lol.

So if you are anything like me, you might not fully identify with your enneagram until you really start to get to know yourself.
 

Evo

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- What is your super-ego always telling you? I read Maitri recently, and she suggests writing out a conversation between your id, ego, and super-ego. When I did so, my type became very obvious. Listen to the ways you think you "should" be, and the things you've done to live up to that image.

- What is your ego ideal? I mean, how would you ideally be if given the chance (you don't necessarily have to live up to it--I certainly fail at living up to mine, lol).

- What pisses you off for others to observe in you? You should have some sort of ego reaction against people attacking your defenses and get angry or feel "hurt".

w/r to the bold, this is interesting! I think I'm going to do that just for fun:happy2:

The other two things here, I find to be very helpful.

As for me, I knew I was a 6 from the first description I read, but always thought I had a 5 wing. I found out that I had a 7 wing and that was not easy to admit.

I didn't figure out that I was a 6 by my fear though. I used to be more counterphobic, so I was denying my fears. Also with the 7 wing I had no idea that I had so many fears cause I couldn't admit to not being optimistic.
 
W

WhoCares

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[MENTION=18576]Sanjuro[/MENTION], okay I'll play...

- It helps to establish a "baseline mood"--when you're at home staring at the walls, where are you at mentally and emotionally? Focused. I am rarely either up or down unless someone has provoked me emotionally that day. But intense focus is what I feel the most. I have a pet project in mind always and I return to it again and again until I've solved its riddle. Since focus isnt an emotion I suppose one would call it purposeful. Its my default and goto sense of being that helps me escape the rollercoaster of life.

- Where were you as a little kid? Was there any perception you remember having that you can't find any reason for? As a kids I was rarely present and instead off in my head no matter what I was doing. I had a sense of adventure about life but was rarely social, in fact, resented being out in social situations that I required I be other than myself. Felt a deep sense of injustice at being paraded around like a trophy and introduced as someone's child. Still feel that same sense of resentment whenever I am introduced as someone's sibling, child, cousin or partner. I am not someone elses apendage to perform as
expected....:dry: hated family gatherings when aunts, uncles and cousins came because I was expected to behave according to my mothers social rules in order to be some kind of reflected glory on her. Hate that aspect of life.

- You can generally see yourself in the surrounding types--and if you pay attention, you should be able to see how both influence you all day long. When I'm acting out I don 4 attributes as an efficient way to alienate others and keep the world at bay. As a younger person this meant I could act out my internal fantasies by dressing up as an adult under the banner of 'alternative'. I didn't want to belong to those groups I just wanted to don a less social appearance so others would not come near me. I enjoy the solitude that being individual gives me, and the tacit license the world gives to creative types to be solo without too much questioning. If you look like everyone else then societal expectations rest on your shoulders. Despite all of that I am a lover of security, as I wish to withdraw from society and having ones own home, place and income allow all of that without any real drama's. I dont like to be without a place to call home and couldn't live a travellers existence for very long becuase of the insecurity it signals to my wellbeing stops me from sleeping at night. I need to know I have a fallback position always, I need to know I will be safe no matter what. The 6 presents in me as worst case scenario risk management. I rarely enter into anything based upon the best that could happen, I dont have that kind of optisim. If the best happens its a bonus, as long as I've got a contingency plan for the worst case then I am safe. I am very risk averse despite appearances. I dont seek safety in numbers but rather safety in camoflage. One of my best skills is not drawing attention to myself, being able to disappear without anyone noticing. I like to fly under the radar most of the time. Both the 4 & 6 conbine to keep me from etablishing meaningful connections to others. I know that to find someone who likes me is difficult, so its easier to sit on the fringe of society than participate in society. Its easier to deal with loneliness than rejection, so just dont go there in the first place.

- What is your super-ego always telling you? You've got skills goddamit, use them. Its all well and good to dream up solutions to problems but none of them are worth anything until you put them into action. If you want to be a writer, write. If you want to create art, create. Just commit to something and follow it through.

- What is your ego ideal? My ideal is monk-like. The wise one living in the mountains but otherwise living apart from society. To live a very simple life, taking care of only the basic needs and devoting onself to the training of the mind is my ideal. I doubt I would actually find that kind of life satisfying though. But have often admired the ideal.

- What pisses you off for others to observe in you? That I am passive agressive. That I dont believe in myself as much as I think I do. That I dont even try to connect with others and actively shut down connections which are extended to me as being 'too hard'.

- What "felt sense" do you have of your childhood? I have always felt cursed in life although I couldnt articulate in what way. I felt cursed by my parent as she had some magical power over me to make me feel like I would fail in life. Its only been in the past few months that I have clarity on what that was. My mother is likely a 7w8 operating on an unhealthy level. To watch her in a single day is exhausting as she displays many manic behaviours that she is not even aware of. Her manic behaviours include impulsive spending, the creation of piles of clutter in the home and a littering of unfinished project about the house. She will literally start one project, get distracted by something else then forget all about the first project and start another. She emotes constantly about how put upond she is by others but cannot say no to anyone. She is 70 and works almost 7 days a week in a combination of volunteer and paid positions. There is not a single day when she isn't being held on a string by someone else but still cannot say no. She looks exhausted, can only relax when she is drinking. Throughtout her entire life she has approached everything from a quick and dirty attitude. She does nothing with any real skill, just finished [some] things as quickly as possible and it shows. As a younger person I patterned her since we both shared a lot of common interests but was very unhappy with the level of skill in anything I developed. Its only now that while we share some common interests my approach to them should have been my own as satisfaction only comes to me through pride in skill, not how quickly anything is acheived. She judges me as being too picky and perfectionistic and has often meddled in my projects to rush them to completion which of course is a complete and total violation of my own work which is to be slow, methodic and skilled. I resent her enormously for that. She tries to take over my life believing I dont have what it takes to do things on my own and whenever I simply vent a frustration she then rushes off and attempts to fix my life for me which breeds even more resentment. Not least of which because I dont think she is actually very skilled and I dont want her dodgy meddling to affect my life and leave me with a mess to clean up afterwards.
 

Alea_iacta_est

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[MENTION=18576]Sanjuro[/MENTION] I guess I might as well try this too considering how many times I've been mistyped.

To the OP, I figured out my fear through objective introspection and realizing the motivations behind most of my actions (It's somewhere between 3 and 5)

 
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