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The Hardest Type to be in The Enneagram

misfortuneteller

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INFP
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sp/sx
Imo, the hardest type to be is 1 or 3 since they constantly feel the need to do things well but for different reasons. I tend to feel bad for 1s up until the point that I interact with one though since they tend to take their resentment out on others.
 
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tired

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sp
honestly i wouldn't like to be either a four nor a one, they just seem so self-critical...
 

LucieCat

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I think it would be extremely hard to be a four. I'm not sure why, but I just got the feeling that the intensity of a four's emotions can be absolutely brutal on them. And I wouldn't say they enjoy it.

I also would think it would be hard to be an 8. Maybe that's because their temperament is very different from my own.

Also, I think the core fears of a 2 would be very hard to deal and cope with. I can understand where they are coming from, but sometimes I can't comprehend how they can live with that as such an influential force over them.

All of the Enneagram types have their own hardships.
 

ThomasIsebeck

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Jul 7, 2020
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I'm sensitive as hell. The difference is, 4s find a sense of purpose in their negative emotions, whereas for xNFP 6s, negative feelings are another layer of things to be anxious about. Pain to 4s is like heroin, while pain for 6s is like a giant anchor or parasite.

This is the best thing I've heard in a long time.
Pain to fours is like heroin. 100% agree. But it kind of depends on what kind of pain through. Like if it's physical, it feels pretty good actually (well at least that's what I think it's like for most fours; or perhaps I'm just a masochist). Like, sometimes I just sit in the rain and shiver until the cold is the only thing I can think about.
In terms of careers, it pretty much sucks to be a four, most of the recommended careers are artistic ( and all of which my family has a complete disregard for ). Like I have to do computer science instead of multimedia, because... "logic".
To be honest, we don't find a sense of purpose through pain (believe it or not ). It's more like, we fear not having an impact on the world (or on people) and the way we make an impact, is through the creation of beauty. Well, that's what will furfill me in any case.
But it's true that we do find inspiration through sadness. (It has lead to depression in my case, and anxiety that fu**s me over consistently). But other than that, life is pretty good when we actually feel like being alive.
And I guess we're also pretty pessimistic, while others can just pull the wool over their eyes. I mean, I'm 19 now, and I'm pretty certain that by the time I'm 50, the world will be so overpopulated that life won't even be worth living by then. Also the same reason why I'm not having kids.
I guess the good side at all of it, is that a lot of us don't fear death, because I don't find it any more advantageous to be alive vs not.... which means I can do crazy shit and not feel guilty about it.
 

neko 4

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sp
Just because we romanticize pain doesn't mean it always feels good. Being a 4 is hard work. As has been said, Sixes are generally well-liked, where as Fours feel like outcasts. Sixes tend to be good in many fields, Fours prefer the arts, but even in the arts, aren't always successful.
 

Mind Maverick

ENTP 8w7 845 Sp/Sx
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Not really comparable even. I mean, right off the bat the first flaw I'm seeing in this thread topic is this...talk about difficulties as though everyone of one type is automatically on the same level of struggle: all 4's struggle to the same intensity, all 6's struggle the same intensity, etc. and that's simply not a fact. Secondly, it's not as though people are like "yeah, I've been all the types, and let me tell you, the hardest one I experienced was..." lol I mean, we don't really know other peoples' struggles firsthand that way. Third, even if we did, different people have different strengths and weaknesses, different people deal with different things differently. I mean, a 9 could say being a 4 is super hard because intense emotions fucking suck to them, for instance. To a 4 though, feeling intensely is desirable. You can't compare like this and actually come up with half decent answers. It's subjective and relative. Ultimately, you're better off just respecting each person's struggle and accepting that if it's difficult to them, it's difficult to them, and that's good enough.
 

Sacrophagus

Mastermind Fieldmarshal
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I don't know.
I dislike 3s who do crap to maintain their reputation. People should not know this, we should embellish that, we should display that. What a sad existence.

9s can be very diplomatic, others not too much. I can't stand to see a comrade being a push over. I'm the guy narcissistic wives are worried about when their husband is hanging out with. Gotta teach him how to set boundaries or get out.

Also, 8s. Can you just shut up? No one wants to hear you.

Other dudes are okay.
 

Burning Paradigm

Vibe Curator & Night Owl
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I don't think I'd want to be either of the triple withdrawn or assertive types (459 or 378); the former sounds too isolating, the latter too draining and with zero chill. As the late philosopher, Thanos said, "Balanced, as all things should be."
 

Earl Grey

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I've never thought of it in terms of Enneagram, but I don't know. People value and prioritize different things and those things are what works or is what is sacred to themselves. I as myself now see several high health versions of some types extremely stressful things to be or to do- completely undesirable. I wouldn't wish for what those folks in high health would wish for themselves unless I wanted to torment myself in a difficult existence.

Most of all however, I think that a question like this (and is reflected in a lot of the responses) focuses too much on, or only on the type's emotional state rather than their condition for satisfaction. All types have conditions under which they would be satisfied or dissatisfied, though in different ways. One really can't say.
 

Morpeko

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Just because we romanticize pain doesn't mean it always feels good. Being a 4 is hard work. As has been said, Sixes are generally well-liked, where as Fours feel like outcasts. Sixes tend to be good in many fields, Fours prefer the arts, but even in the arts, aren't always successful.

I was actually going to say 6 from my experience. This is not my life as a probable 6. I'm not good at any fields. I'm definitely not well-liked ESPECIALLY since I act like a complete tool due to safety being first and foremost in my mind, to the point I push out everyone I don't trust (which is everyone). To top it all off, I keep worrying about potential dangers and I really can't enjoy anything in life. I have to live life on edge because I live in fear that everything will take what little security I have away.

I don't know if the 4 fix is what's making my life unbearable, but my life is neverending pain especially in social settings.
 

Saturnal Snowqueen

Solastalgia 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊
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9w1
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so/sp
Maybe not the hardest to be, but I feel like 9s should be a little higher on the list personally. I feel like the combination of being an attachment type and a withdrawn type is just a recipe for loneliness; attachment triad needs somebody to merge with, but withdrawn triad makes them lost in the background. There's a sort of push and pull between needing a group and just wanting to retreat. Sure, when we're at a healthy level we tried not to be bothered by petty things. Still, 9w1 is a very idealistic type, and I find myself chasing for ideals that just never seem to happen. In a way, I wonder if 9w1 is harder on themselves then a 1 core. 9w1s try not to be critical towards others, but the 1s' criticalness needs to go somewhere, so where does it go? To themselves. Sloth's supposed to be our vice, and I do worry a lot that all the dreams I've had will remain simply that, dreams. I don't know if it's more my type or just my body, but yeah, I don't have a lot of energy. Sure, we may be positive outlook, but it doesn't make things much easier. Also, disintegration to 6 is a disaster. We DO get bothered by petty things, it's like my brain's a laser detector scanning for every threat. My favorite thing about being a 9 is probably that I'm interested in so many things, but sometimes I feel like I'm walking around with a bunch of surface level knowledge. My 4 frustration might be exaggerating my 1 wing though, and there's the 6 fix on top of my disinegration. I think we're still a cool type, we like(most) people and we tend to be open minded, but it's not always an easy type to be.
 

Peter Deadpan

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I don't like this question because I think the answer is pretty subjective. With that said, by nature, the types at the bottom of the Enneagram symbol suffer the most consciously, and the types toward the top less so. Therefore, types 4 and 5 suffer the "most" and type 9 the "least".

It's important to note that this would strictly be suffering associated with the type itself, as in it's coming from being the type and having that type's fixation and strategy and such. Anyone can suffer or struggle because of things external to them or things they've been through, to any degree, so it's not exactly a competitive sport.

I'd add that the more self-aware someone is, the more they will suffer (at least for a certain period of time) because they will be better able to see beyond the facade of their ego and essentially realize how shitty they can be. That's mostly associated with general level of health and life experience. The process would be represented as a curve with things leveling out after the really shitty parts (assuming one learned from their experiences).
 

Mind Maverick

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I'd add that the more self-aware someone is, the more they will suffer (at least for a certain period of time) because they will be better able to see beyond the facade of their ego and essentially realize how shitty they can be. That's mostly associated with general level of health and life experience. The process would be represented as a curve with things leveling out after the really shitty parts (assuming one learned from their experiences).
...I have to say, I see it much differently. I think self-awareness gives me the ability to overcome my suffering by improving myself and my life in ways I would otherwise not know how to do anything about. I don't feel like my self-awareness makes me suffer more, but less. When you lack self-awareness you keep on repeating the same issues over, and over, without understanding where they come from. Yes, I become aware of my "shittiness," but knowledge is power and in this case that knowledge gives me the power to change it. Due to how I try my best to gain self-awareness and then grow and improve, I have a lot of confidence in myself. It makes self-love much easier. I don't really ever experience shame, etc. either.
 

Luminous

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Going to quote someone whose opinion I respect:

7s and 9s have a great deal of sadness going on inside, in varying degrees at verying times. (A couple famous 7s have committed suicide over the last decade -- Anthony Bourdain, Robin Williams).

It's not uncommon for 9s to be chroncially depressed. 9 is in some ways more sensitive than 4 because 9s incidentally and unconsciously absorb people/the world and are attuned to the small ways they're not aligned with the outer world, and the ways that elements/people are not aligned/harmonizing with each other, and they feel (as a Gut type) these misalignments as nonverbal impressions in their body.

4s are impressionistically sensitive too, but their continual self-differentiation in relation to the outer world renders them (in interior space) as a more distinct entity that can differentiate its likes and dislikes and sense of what's true for themselves better than 9s can.... which naturally shuts out more incoming data. Another aspect here is that 4s are often looking at what they're interactions and others' responses are saying about themselves. Unconsciously there's some questioning about "What does this interaction or these impressions say about me and how does this compare to my own inner image of myself?" Whereas 9s are often sensing into everyone else's experience in varying degrees, and often have to withdraw in order to not be absorbing what's happening with everyone around them.
 

Peter Deadpan

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...I have to say, I see it much differently. I think self-awareness gives me the ability to overcome my suffering by improving myself and my life in ways I would otherwise not know how to do anything about. I don't feel like my self-awareness makes me suffer more, but less. When you lack self-awareness you keep on repeating the same issues over, and over, without understanding where they come from. Yes, I become aware of my "shittiness," but knowledge is power and in this case that knowledge gives me the power to change it. Due to how I try my best to gain self-awareness and then grow and improve, I have a lot of confidence in myself. It makes self-love much easier. I don't really ever experience shame, etc. either.

That's why I said the process happens on a curve. Obviously it's going to look different from individual to individual and a sense of peace is the Ultimate Goal.

There is balance to everything in life. Nothing is all good or all bad. Many people who go through ego death experience something along the lines of The Dark Night. Anyone who claims to have coasted through an ego murdering spiritual awakening without experiencing some sort of transitory discomfort regarding their shifting sense of self did not actually disassemble the structure of their ego. If they had, they would have realized what their Grand Lie is and how they were in fact responsible for all of their suffering all along (I'm not talking about abuse and such and prefer to stick to the topic, which is the concept of ego within the Enneagram).

If any type can come close to claiming such an experience, it would be type 9 because unlike every other ennea-type, type 9 does not have a specific lie that it tells itself about The Self. All of the other types are chasing something fairly specific and trackable. Type 9 is essentially the type that is most unlike itself because it is disconnected from self. That is why they "suffer consciously the least"... not because they don't suffer, but because their ego structure is built around avoiding suffering. And although 9s can appear to be the most spiritual type, they are the type most likely to be pseudo-spiritual because they bypass chasing attaining a sense of self for themself. 9s are built to disconnect and live in a state of premature peace.

I'm probably not explaining this well, but I can assure you that this is not just my opinion. This is factual to the way that the Enneagram is setup. These are fundamental truths of the system.

With that said, I'm not sure what actual ego death would look like for a 9, but I would still imagine some extreme discomfort would accompany that process because the whole thing with 9s is that they have to learn how to connect with and work through discomfort without turning away.

I'm going to leave it at that because frankly, I feel some may be interested in making this some sort of strange competition about the concept of suffering, to the point where what I am actually trying to say will be twisted so far beyond reality that it will resemble nothing of the system itself. The Enneagram is rather simple when viewed from a bird's eye position, but oftentimes there are details up close that people get hung up on which leads them to misunderstand the mathematical patterns of the whole thing.
 

laintpe

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Dec 9, 2008
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I'm a 5 in a relationship with another 5 and the 1, 4, 7, 8 and 9 I work with think of relationship description sounds insane. I type this as the other 5 is typing pt notes on the other side of the house. To me this is happiness/calm, but apparently to other people this is very distant.
To the topic-- I think being a 3 would suck. The presentation feels very contrived and shallowly anxious in situations where control is lacking. For instance, once I was late to meet a 3 at dinner because of work and she called and texted me relentlessly until I arrived because "sitting alone in a restaurant was embarrassing"... I just didn't understand. I called and said I was running late and if sitting at a table is so upsetting, then walk outside (--there wasn't a wait to get back in) to the Starbucks. To me inflexibility is its own form of hell and the 3 is the one that seems to resist change from the plan no matter what the most visibly. 8s are also pretty inflexible, but they seem to enjoy being assholes about it so they probably have it a little better than the 3s.
 

neko 4

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Hardest types to be: 4 and 6
Easiest: 7 and 8
 

Luminous

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I really hate this thread. Saying a type you are not, have no emotional experience being, and can only see from the outside as an observer is easier than your own type is invalidating to everyone else. Pain isn't a competition, no. Everyone's pains are different. Why invalidate other's experiences and pain to make yourself feel better about your own? Just stop it.
 
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