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Your childhood experiences

Entropic

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State your type and write down your childhood experiences. How were you like as a child? Can you see a correlation between your behavior and your type's inner child? The inner child is the type's integration point.
 

Southern Kross

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Could you briefly explain how the inner child is meant relate to enneatype? For example, is integration meant to be about overcoming your childhood or is it a return to it?
 

Entropic

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Could you briefly explain how the inner child is meant relate to enneatype? For example, is integration meant to be about overcoming your childhood or is it a return to it?

A return to your childhood self. The idea of the inner child is the true nature of our type which was manifested in our childhood but was for various reasons repressed into the subconscious of our psyche where we focus the drive and powers of the inner child into something different. For the 5, this becomes a lust for truth, denying your own body (anti-lust) and the fear of turning subhuman by losing your mind. Integration could be seen as letting out the soul child in such a sense.

I am not too familiar with how the soul child operates at a deeper theoretical level for each enneatype. I understand 9 all right because 9s ultimately seek recognition and success. 5s I know well being my own type, which is getting in touch with the world around you, seeing meaning in simple pleasures. 4 would be the ability to stand up for yourself and see your own self-worth. For 1 it's accepting and liking who you are and acting out on your basic desires. I don't dare speaking for the rest of the types because I haven't discussed the soul child much with people who are of other types.
 

Totenkindly

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At this point, you might as well just list all the arbitrary soul childs for each type, as per theory, then just fill in the blanks.

It would probably be more interesting just to hear about people's experiences with trying to recapture who they personally happened to be as a child, without trying to jam it into a predetermined mold.
 

Animal

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State your type and write down your childhood experiences. How were you like as a child? Can you see a correlation between your behavior and your type's inner child? The inner child is the type's integration point.

I'm 8w9. I made a list of things I know about my childhood, but now I'm editing it into categories.

Behaviors that may indicate 2 soul-child (with some 8 mixed in):

- As an infant, I cried a lot. Other babies would smile and look around but I was miserable, angry and always crying. This might be a personality issue or it might be a health issue: I almost died as a kid, and I had an illness nobody knew about until later which can affect people psychologically. Nevertheless I was angry and extremely clingy and needed a ton of attention as an infant.

- I had two "husbands" in first grade who used to get into physical fights over me, until I found a third "husband" in 2nd grade. His parents caught us cuddling in his bed and punished him and told my parents. I'm pretty sure my parents didn't care.

- In kindergarten I used to give my toys away to kids who had less money. My parents told me they wouldn't buy me toys if I kept on giving them away, and I didn't understand why they would tell me not to be kind.

- I was very physical as a young kid - in photos I was always sitting on my mom, my brother, my grand-father, my father. I climbed all over everyone all the time and wanted a lot of affection. I also liked wrestling in the mud, being lifted up by my dad to play "plane," running around the yard naked until a very late age, swimming, splashing, racing.

- I was made fun of a lot in school, and after I stopped having "husbands" in second grade, I mostly kept to myself and my one close female friend. People made fun of both of us. But in third grade, the popular girls asked me to join them, but said I had to leave her behind. I refused and told them I would stick with my friend. She ended up betraying me in the long run because of similar pressures, and this contributed to a cynical outlook about friendship, and a feeling that everyone is out for themselves. It fit in with my outlook that I got from my family - my mother betrayed me for my brother, favored him, and always took his side in arguments (in my eyes), and my father got angry and abusive for no reason. I had to defend myself and make my own way and not depend on anyone.

5 stuff and development of 4 fix through musical & creative identity

- My father says I had a brilliant mind which developed faster than other kids. I could read earlier, think better, do math first, ask very good questions, and was amazing with language. However, I had trouble reading other people's emotions if they were not stated in words.

- I started playing piano at age 4, and by age 8, though I was still terrible at reading notes, I had written my first full song with lyrics, two verses, a bridge, and a chorus. It was catchy and I still remember it. I wrote shorter songs as early as age 5. I was considered a child prodigy on the musical front.

- I had an extremely rich inner life (and still do). I used to tell myself ongoing fantasy stories to put myself to sleep. I wrote my first 400 page sci-fi/ fantasy book around age 11. The protagonist was a spy and a prostitute. I was obsessed with homeless people and prostitutes and started a musical about a prostitute around that age. I was very into Star Wars, reading, writing, and creating. My life dream from a young age was to buy a mobile home (which I started saving up for, young) and travel, making my way by earning tips at bars as a singer. I idealized homelessness because I did not like the idea of being controlled by anyone, having to pay taxes or being "on the grid" or having property that others could take away from me if I did not follow their rules.

- I look miserable in a lot of photos, but I look happy when I'm holding my cat, when I'm climbing things, or when I'm in costume. I got involved in theater as early as age 5 and I absolutely loved dressing up in costume. However, my costumes were not girly and glamorous. Many of them were male villains, homeless people, and other interesting quirky heroes. I went so far as to introduce myself to strangers by the name of the costume I was wearing. Like "Hi, I'm Captain Hook."

8-ish stuff

- My brother was born when I was 2.5 years old, and I was miserable and felt betrayed because my mother paid attention to him. For years I was mean to him, until at age 9 I announced, "I'm not going to be mean to him anymore!" and never was again. Prior to that there was nothing they could do to stop me from being mean. We got along great, and played war games in the back yard, and had bits of our own language, but I would suddenly turn on him and torture him any way I could. But if anyone else dared to be mean to him (even my father), I would protect him.

- My mother says when I was very little, I was "Queen of the Playground." I would come up with an imaginary scenario and tell every kid on the playground what their role was so we could all act it out. Kids listened to me and liked it.

- My grandmother saw me in a tree and asked me, "What are you doing up there?" I replied, "Thinking." She asked, "Thinking about what?" And I calmly said, "About how to get down." This implies to me that I was impulsive and fairly relaxed about it.

- My father had a temper and sometimes hit me, but I always talked right back to him and never took his shit. He never hit my brother. This is because I always stood up for what I want, demanded my freedom, refused to follow rules unless I wanted to, and did everything my own way. He would get frustrated and angry with me and we would fight a lot. However, he also has a habit of yelling at people for "no good reason" and I'm the only one who never tolerated it and gave it right back to him, from the youngest age.

- I was an *extremely* independent kid, after infancy and toddler years. I left the house when I felt like, running around the forest by myself, climbing trees, walking down the street alone. I practiced piano on my own during lunch at school. I got excellent grades of my own accord, but I did most of my homework during other lessons at school so I could have free time after school. I saved all my allowance, had jobs singing and writing songs by the time I was 13, and saved up so I could move out early. As a kid, I always kept a bag packed in case someone tried to "tell me what to do" and I needed to run away. I did actually run away many times, but not for long, because my mother would chase after me and negotiate.

- I had a serious career building in music and musical theater in my early teens. My parents did not force me; I begged for lessons and practiced a lot. I had the idea that I'd move out and then nobody could control me; I would make my own way. I'd be extremely rich and therefore above the law. I loved my work, and my parents never had to force me to practice or do my work since I was about 9. And in my mother's own words, "Nobody could ever get [Maybe] to do anything she didn't want to do."

- Responsible as I was with my work and my money, I was also daring and rebellious, and had some interactions with the cops at early ages for doing exactly as I pleased (ie, climbing buildings) ... but I never got in trouble because I was straight-talking and cute, and at school, I was a great student.

______________
[MENTION=16405]LeaT[/MENTION] - to sum it up in enneagram terms, I see a lot of 2 as a very young kid, in my affectionate behavior, snuggling up with boys and giving my toys away, and I also see a ton of 8 and 5 throughout. I can also clearly see the reasons I lost the childhood message "You will not be betrayed." As an adult I don't get physically close to anyone except intimates, and when I first started getting intimate I would have sex but not cuddle. And to this day, if I cuddle or I'm physically close with a person, I become possessive and worry about being betrayed. I'm also possessive of my things. I can be generous with money but it has to be on my terms. I'm possessive of my time, my work, my ideas. I've been like that since the end of elementary school. It was a noticeable change. It's like I have a clear push-pull between my instinct way deep down to "give everything" and my instinct to stay autonomous and protect myself from being vulnerable and giving power away.

I think my 4w3 fix developed quite early as well, in that I built an identity in musical ability and my fantasy life and ideals that nobody else can touch; and music stuff gave me a feeling of personal significance. But being independent & autonomous & not being controlled by others has always been crucial to me, whereas my identity seems to have formed naturally and has not been a primary concern.
 

mintleaf

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Interesting thread idea. I don't feel like responding right now, so this is just a bump.

At this point, you might as well just list all the arbitrary soul childs for each type, as per theory, then just fill in the blanks.

It would probably be more interesting just to hear about people's experiences with trying to recapture who they personally happened to be as a child, without trying to jam it into a predetermined mold.

I agree.
 

PrettyWoman

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State your type and write down your childhood experiences. How were you like as a child? Can you see a correlation between your behavior and your type's inner child? The inner child is the type's integration point.

Either 2 or 7 here. I see a correlation, sure, I was talkative and optimistic and enthusiastic like I'm now! :D I even had issues with fidelity like I still have, would promise to meet one-to-one for several friends and then at the last minute pick one and reject the others. I want to try many things and I want to be free to do that and I try to charm people if I cannot get what I want otherwise.

No idea whats inner child, I'm really not that into this.
 

Luv Deluxe

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[MENTION=17911]Maybe[/MENTION] - Your reply was very interesting! Although I'm some funky cocktail of 7, 4, and 1, many of your points resonated with me quite a bit. I think your inner child comes off as more 8 than any other type, but either way, you seem like a pretty cool character.
 

Entropic

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[MENTION=17911]Maybe[/MENTION] - Your reply was very interesting! Although I'm some funky cocktail of 7, 4, and 1, many of your points resonated with me quite a bit. I think your inner child comes off as more 8 than any other type, but either way, you seem like a pretty cool character.

If she's an 8 the soul child is 2 whereas for me, I'm a 5 so my soul child is 8. I know Maybe well enough to say that she is not a 5 unless you meant something else.
 

Luv Deluxe

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If she's an 8 the soul child is 2 whereas for me, I'm a 5 so my soul child is 8. I know Maybe well enough to say that she is not a 5 unless you meant something else.

Nope, wasn't suggesting that she's a 5. I guess I didn't realize that "soul children" are different from what you turn out to be; looking back I see you've said it's the enneatype's integration point. I just meant that I saw hardcore 8 foundation written all over that, which makes sense - she turned out to be a type 8.
 

Typh0n

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The inner child is the type's integration point.

If she's an 8 the soul child is 2 whereas for me, I'm a 5 so my soul child is 8. I know Maybe well enough to say that she is not a 5 unless you meant something else.

I cant say I've ever heard this idea before. Is it a theory of yours, or is it something someone else came up with? I always thought the inner child was your core type, the type you were closest to as a child is the one you still are as an adult. As a child I was very much four and five. Now I always thought I was a 4W5; however if I am to be beleive your theory I am actualy a two or seven! Big difference there, right? So Im a little confused maybe you can shed some light on the origins of this theory?
 

Animal

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I cant say I've ever heard this idea before. Is it a theory of yours, or is it something someone else came up with? I always thought the inner child was your core type, the type you were closest to as a child is the one you still are as an adult. As a child I was very much four and five. Now I always thought I was a 4W5; however if I am to be beleive your theory I am actualy a two or seven! Big difference there, right? So Im a little confused maybe you can shed some light on the origins of this theory?

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/enneagram/28808-soul-child-brief-intro.html
 

Animal

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[MENTION=17911]Maybe[/MENTION] - Your reply was very interesting! Although I'm some funky cocktail of 7, 4, and 1, many of your points resonated with me quite a bit. I think your inner child comes off as more 8 than any other type, but either way, you seem like a pretty cool character.

Oooo I would love to hear what parts resonated! =,) And thanks...

You're right in a way. I can't get out of my 8. I mistyped at first because I didn't want to see certain things in myself, and even the manner in which I mistyped fits right in with the specific patterns of 8 denial. It's been catching up to me in the last few months, since I read my proper enneagram sources and typed at 8, how deep this goes and how fucked up it is. I know it's probably the same for anyone who really studies enneagram and finds the right type and I keep telling myself that.. lol. But the more I think about my life it's like 8 overload. =( I admire the 8s who have a strong connection to 2 ... my line to 5 seems to be pretty powerful to the point of crippling. I can see the line to 2 mostly in my "sense of purpose" - like I feel a strong sense of purpose & "higher cause" when it comes to my music & my writing; like my work is bigger than my ego.... that is how I experience super-ego. I very rarely transcend my own b.s. in relationships though. But I'm working on it.

Anyway I'd really love to hear about yours =)
 

Typh0n

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Luv Deluxe

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Oooo I would love to hear what parts resonated!

I'll try to list them off - there were several things, actually!

- I had a few strange illnesses as a child, although to my knowledge none of them were life-threatening. I did almost die at birth (asphyxiation via umbilical chord).

- I was also cuddly with boys from the get-go, and since most of my friends were boys, we spent a lot of time playing basketball, climbing trees, going swimming, riding bikes, etc. I was very uncomfortable touching or being close to other people, except for those male friends of mine. Not much has changed on that front.

- I was bullied relentlessly in school, and suffered no end of drama with female friends whom I thought I could trust. My early years were marked by betrayal after betrayal. In order to avoid being picked on about my "boyfriends," I didn't hang out with the guys at school, but I couldn't hang out with the girls, either. They were anything but safe company. Being an only child, I had no problem being alone and simply decided that others couldn't be trusted; I would have to look out for myself.

- Whenever I did come out of my shell to play with the boys at recess, they'd do pretty much whatever I told them to. (Queen of the Playground Syndrome?) I would put up the chocolate bar I'd earned for good grades as a "trophy" for them to win, whether by having the highest jump off the swings or by sinking the farthest basketball shot, whatever. By the time I'd been given my first camera, the boys loved posing for me. Meanwhile, the girls continued to torture me in every other sphere of my life.

- I had perfect grades in pretty much every area, but I've always been especially good with language. When I was either three or four, my mother tried giving me a lesson on the alphabet and got as far as the letter "F" before I walked away from her and demonstrated that I could read pretty much anything. No period of struggling to sound anything out, no slow and staggered syllables.

- So I skipped preschool and kindergarten, and when I was in first grade, I had advanced reading, spelling, and math courses that were supposed to be tailored to my needs. I finished my homework the second it was handed to me, but I didn't really mind because I loved my free time. My inner world and never-ending fountain of creativity have always been core aspects of my personality, and I was happy to nurture them without homework on my plate.

- This was the weird thing - I took piano lessons and started scribbling sheet music whenever I needed to kill time! I wrote song lyrics, too, and I remember some of them. They were catchy, in an innocent nine-year-old girl sort of way (in other words, nothing I'd write now). When my parents sold the piano, those compositions stopped and my focus shifted to other creative outlets. I wasn't musical prodigy status, though, so it wasn't the end of my world.

- I also looked unhappy in nearly every picture taken of me, maybe up until I was sixteen (I'd smile around friends, but I hated it in pictures). In fact, I was so unpracticed at smiling that I really didn't know how to smile on cue at all, and this is something I've only roughly figured out how to do recently.

- I was a responsible kid when it came to schoolwork and things of that nature, but I had a rebellious, impulsive streak. Another trait that lasted into adulthood.


Some other stuff about my childhood, in general:

- My father was away on business at least half of the time. I've always been on good terms with my dad, even before he got sober. My relationship with my mother was a lot more tense. She was a total mom; she was very critical, very controlling, but she wanted the best for me. She would cook, clean, do laundry, etc. If I tried to do these chores, I couldn't perform them to her standards, so I just let her do them - I think that's how she expressed her love. There was a lot of pressure to be perfect. If I fell short at whatever I did, I was going to hear about it, but I knew that I'd done something well if I heard no feedback at all. (My dad's a type 5, my mom's a type 2, for what it's worth.)

- When I was very little, my parents wanted to have another kid, and asked me how I felt about a little brother or sister. I found the idea abhorrent, and told them so. I didn't want to share anything; I feared having my resources taken from me so much that I then had nightmares about it, regularly. I was an independent only child, and although my parents tried, I remained that way.

- I've kind of downplayed just how much trouble I had with my classmates when I was a kid. Every day came packaged with a fresh onslaught of emotional distress, and whenever I would go to an adult about my problems, they'd give me the "just ignore it" speech. Maybe that works for some kids, but it didn't for me. It was really heavy, in a way that I can't (or just don't want to) describe here.

- I was mostly unhappy. I'd cry for an hour or two when I was alone in my room at night, then act like absolutely nothing was wrong during the day. Sometimes, I couldn't even pinpoint the source of my sadness, but it was important for some reason that other people not see my pain, that I try to bury it.

- After my family started taking road trips for reunions, vacations, and the like, I would obsess over faraway locations and draw pictures of what I hoped would happen there. I wanted to be Lara Croft.

- I loved researching random topics that were of particular interest to me. I was especially fascinated by volcanoes, earthquakes, and severe thunderstorms. I would voluntarily soak up as much information as I could about each exciting topic until, by the time we'd reached the subject material in our science books, I already knew more than the elementary school teachers did.

- I was on our modest co-ed basketball team and liked playing with the boys. I thought archery was a lot of fun, too, but I loved broomball (ice hockey in street clothes) more than any other physical school activity.

- At some point, I started winning things. I was already a great student, but my energy converted itself into a pretty big collection of trophies in all spheres: academics, athletics, and art. State competitions, representing the team, winning city-wide art shows. More than anything, I think, I learned what the emotional high felt like, and I started chasing those emotional highs.

- I was twelve when I started to self-mutilate, not knowing that other people did this. (I'm not asking for pity; I've managed to stop.)

- In high school, I somehow found myself back in the middle of a group of girls. Due to my preference for male company, there were a handful of guys that I saw also, and I was attracted to them. I was the first of the girls to become sexually active and I was ostracized from the circle for it. I'm not sure why, as they had plenty of their own crushes. Either way, it reinforced once more the lack of support from my own gender, and pushed me further into the addicting arms of men. (Not even remotely in a codependent way - it just felt good, that's all.)

Whew, I think that's enough for now. Of course, there's more, but this is already getting very long. I'm not even sure what it might say about the state of my inner child; it feels a little scattered.
 
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