I'd be particularly curious what fellow 9s [MENTION=5627]BlackCat[/MENTION]'s and [MENTION=15004]Mia.[/MENTION]'s thoughts are.
*clears throat* Ok, well, uh…here goes.
I arrived at basically what this article pointed out. Considering the process of integration as less of a path per se, but more of a triangle where both legs contribute to an optimal self. The disintegration point shows where the deficit is and where the real work needs to be done. As a 9, my issue is complacency, and it would be easy enough for me to fake 3 without addressing this underlying problem. The antidote really is in the 6s perspective, which at it's heart is about taking nothing for granted.
For a 9, the process of integrating that lesson is excruciating, because to do it any justice we have to "unmerge". It's biting the apple and knowing a self distinct from the Source. It's to be truly aware for the first time of self with its limitations and its questions and its confusions. It's to be suddenly responsible for all that frailty where before there was nothing.
How we deal with that responsibility is what decides us. Even if we run, we can't un-know, so the options open to us are the kind of self-inflicted oblivion of the unhealthiest levels of our type. If we stick it out, I'd like to believe that what happens is a rediscovery of faith. Going back to the Fall analogy, we don't get a pass back to Eden, but are restored to our relationship with the Source as separate, thinking and actualized individuals. This jives with the Level 1 description:
Type Nine needs most to learn from Six to rely on themselves and to grow in adversity.
Finding the missing piece basically happened to me three years ago. Up until that point, I was probably at an enneagram 9 developmental level 6:
Level 6: Begin to minimize problems, to appease others and to have "peace at any price." Stubborn, fatalistic, and resigned, as if nothing could be done to change anything. Into wishful thinking, and magical solutions. Others frustrated and angry by their procrastination and unresponsiveness.
Relationship as a metaphysical concept, and specific relationships with the people I love, have always been of paramount importance to me. They still are, but the way I conduct myself within them is drastically different than it was.
My sense of my worth was very influenced by how I was treated in my relationships. Because it has always been important to me to give people acceptance and love, and I know this is how it should be and how it was designed to be, I took how people treated me in turn as feedback about my value, and when people treated me badly I assumed that must indeed be what I deserved or of course they wouldn’t act that way. Consequently, I rarely stood up for myself. I put up with a lot of things I shouldn’t have. I did everything I could to “keep the peace†even though things weren’t peaceful at all. Coming to a place of health for me involved learning to love myself unconditionally the way I loved other people, which meant standing up for myself in the same way I would stand up for them if someone was hurting them.
Differences from how I was then vs. how I am now that follow the 6 missing piece include:
- My relationship with God is my Source. He and what he says about me are where I find my identity, sense of self, sense of purpose, and foundation. I can safely merge with Him, because he is perfect and to do so is to build my house on a rock and not on sand.
- I am my own best friend. I am my own comforter, confidante, lover, cheerleader, nurturer, healer, and companion. This is not to say I don’t want or need other people in my life – I do, very much so, I believe we were built for and made for relationship – but if everyone else leaves, I will be all right, because I have me.
- I will NOT let someone treat me badly, regardless of how much I care for them. I will address the issue, and if it continues to happen, I will continue to care for them in action but completely disengage from them emotionally. I will not allow people to hurt/mistreat me. This is not to say I expect people to be perfect - far from it - I know intimacy means being open to being hurt and people mess up - that’s completely different- but it means I value my emotional integrity enough to only open up when it is generally safe to do so.
I would say I am at an enneagram 9 level 3 development in general right now:
Level 3: Optimistic, reassuring, supportive: have a healing and calming influence—harmonizing groups, bringing people together: a good mediator, synthesizer, and communicator.
And of course, with Jesus’ help and with time I want to reach levels 1 and 2, although I think I have moments where I skip up and down in them:
Level 1 (At Their Best): Become self-possessed, feeling autonomous and fulfilled: have great equanimity and contentment because they are present to themselves. Paradoxically, at one with self, and thus able to form more profound relationships. Intensely alive, fully connected to self and others.
Level 2: Deeply receptive, accepting, unselfconscious, emotionally stable and serene. Trusting of self and others, at ease with self and life, innocent and simple. Patient, unpretentious, good-natured, genuinely nice people.
A big challenge of this whole process has been distinguishing what is a healthy balance between 9 and 6, and not going too far into the 6 direction – i.e. not becoming an island to myself. Balance is key.
Rather, 6 integrates towards 9 - and I certainly fit the bill in terms of loving soothing sensual pleasure - my favorite being massage. I also surround myself with positive inspirations and read fantasy stories with happy endings. 
