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  1. #11
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Thanks! I dont understand...accept life as it is??!! How does one do that!? Haha no seriously
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wind-Up Rex View Post
    I'd be particularly curious what fellow 9s @BlackCat's and @Mia.'s thoughts are.
    *clears throat* Ok, well, uh…here goes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wind-Up Rex View Post
    I arrived at basically what this article pointed out. Considering the process of integration as less of a path per se, but more of a triangle where both legs contribute to an optimal self. The disintegration point shows where the deficit is and where the real work needs to be done. As a 9, my issue is complacency, and it would be easy enough for me to fake 3 without addressing this underlying problem. The antidote really is in the 6s perspective, which at it's heart is about taking nothing for granted.

    For a 9, the process of integrating that lesson is excruciating, because to do it any justice we have to "unmerge". It's biting the apple and knowing a self distinct from the Source. It's to be truly aware for the first time of self with its limitations and its questions and its confusions. It's to be suddenly responsible for all that frailty where before there was nothing.

    How we deal with that responsibility is what decides us. Even if we run, we can't un-know, so the options open to us are the kind of self-inflicted oblivion of the unhealthiest levels of our type. If we stick it out, I'd like to believe that what happens is a rediscovery of faith. Going back to the Fall analogy, we don't get a pass back to Eden, but are restored to our relationship with the Source as separate, thinking and actualized individuals. This jives with the Level 1 description:
    Type Nine needs most to learn from Six to rely on themselves and to grow in adversity.
    Finding the missing piece basically happened to me three years ago. Up until that point, I was probably at an enneagram 9 developmental level 6:
    Level 6: Begin to minimize problems, to appease others and to have "peace at any price." Stubborn, fatalistic, and resigned, as if nothing could be done to change anything. Into wishful thinking, and magical solutions. Others frustrated and angry by their procrastination and unresponsiveness.
    Relationship as a metaphysical concept, and specific relationships with the people I love, have always been of paramount importance to me. They still are, but the way I conduct myself within them is drastically different than it was.

    My sense of my worth was very influenced by how I was treated in my relationships. Because it has always been important to me to give people acceptance and love, and I know this is how it should be and how it was designed to be, I took how people treated me in turn as feedback about my value, and when people treated me badly I assumed that must indeed be what I deserved or of course they wouldn’t act that way. Consequently, I rarely stood up for myself. I put up with a lot of things I shouldn’t have. I did everything I could to “keep the peace” even though things weren’t peaceful at all. Coming to a place of health for me involved learning to love myself unconditionally the way I loved other people, which meant standing up for myself in the same way I would stand up for them if someone was hurting them.

    Differences from how I was then vs. how I am now that follow the 6 missing piece include:

    - My relationship with God is my Source. He and what he says about me are where I find my identity, sense of self, sense of purpose, and foundation. I can safely merge with Him, because he is perfect and to do so is to build my house on a rock and not on sand.
    - I am my own best friend. I am my own comforter, confidante, lover, cheerleader, nurturer, healer, and companion. This is not to say I don’t want or need other people in my life – I do, very much so, I believe we were built for and made for relationship – but if everyone else leaves, I will be all right, because I have me.
    - I will NOT let someone treat me badly, regardless of how much I care for them. I will address the issue, and if it continues to happen, I will continue to care for them in action but completely disengage from them emotionally. I will not allow people to hurt/mistreat me. This is not to say I expect people to be perfect - far from it - I know intimacy means being open to being hurt and people mess up - that’s completely different- but it means I value my emotional integrity enough to only open up when it is generally safe to do so.

    I would say I am at an enneagram 9 level 3 development in general right now:

    Level 3: Optimistic, reassuring, supportive: have a healing and calming influence—harmonizing groups, bringing people together: a good mediator, synthesizer, and communicator.
    And of course, with Jesus’ help and with time I want to reach levels 1 and 2, although I think I have moments where I skip up and down in them:

    Level 1 (At Their Best): Become self-possessed, feeling autonomous and fulfilled: have great equanimity and contentment because they are present to themselves. Paradoxically, at one with self, and thus able to form more profound relationships. Intensely alive, fully connected to self and others.

    Level 2: Deeply receptive, accepting, unselfconscious, emotionally stable and serene. Trusting of self and others, at ease with self and life, innocent and simple. Patient, unpretentious, good-natured, genuinely nice people.
    A big challenge of this whole process has been distinguishing what is a healthy balance between 9 and 6, and not going too far into the 6 direction – i.e. not becoming an island to myself. Balance is key.

  3. #13
    Senior Member UniqueMixture's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by acronach View Post
    For those of you who don't know about the missing piece: http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...-Missing-Piece

    Kinda been brainstorming this lately. I'm interested in what you guys do for stress-relief and how it corresponds with this theory. For example, when I hate life, I usually stay up late, blare rock music, and dance around like an idiot :3 and it usually puts me in a surprisingly awesome mood (I'm type 5, my missing piece is 7). What do you guys do?

    Input? comments?
    Over time you will decrease your sensitivity to serotonin and dopamine which will lead to impaired cognitive function. Lol . Actually, that is a line from big bang theory, but in order to fight depression and operate at peak awareness it is good to to sleep at the same time each night, for about the same length of time, between the hours of 10 pm and 6 am. This allows your circadian rhythms to regulate (and andesine(?) Levels).

    Read about the basics of sleep here

    http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/b...ding_sleep.htm

    I think what you're doing is a form of stoting particular to the inxps lol. We're all impressed haha. Now go function well so N can have a bigger influence in the world :fist:

    For all that we have done, as a civilization, as individuals, the universe is not stable, and nor is any single thing within it. Stars consume themselves, the universe itself rushes apart, and we ourselves are composed of matter in constant flux. Colonies of cells in temporary alliance, replicating and decaying and housed within, an incandescent cloud of electrical impulses. This is reality, this is self knowledge, and the perception of it will, of course, make you dizzy.

  4. #14
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    Type Nine needs most to learn from Six to rely on themselves and to grow in adversity.
    Sounds about right, 6 is our stress point, which is also a point which we aren't used to. Only when we can grasp 6 is when we truly can integrate with 3. It is like learning a lesson the hard way versus learning it the easy way. The easy way is going directly to 3 and not learning that hard lesson that needs to be learned. When we rely/work on ourselves is when the true work on ourselves can begin.

    “The only way out is through."

    Quote Originally Posted by Wind-Up Rex View Post
    For a 9, the process of integrating that lesson is excruciating, because to do it any justice we have to "unmerge". It's biting the apple and knowing a self distinct from the Source. It's to be truly aware for the first time of self with its limitations and its questions and its confusions. It's to be suddenly responsible for all that frailty where before there was nothing.

    How we deal with that responsibility is what decides us. Even if we run, we can't un-know, so the options open to us are the kind of self-inflicted oblivion of the unhealthiest levels of our type. If we stick it out, I'd like to believe that what happens is a rediscovery of faith. Going back to the Fall analogy, we don't get a pass back to Eden, but are restored to our relationship with the Source as separate, thinking and actualized individuals.
    I've tried giving my own explanation, but I felt, whatever I came up with may be a bit personal. The quote is the gist of it.

    Anyhow, it is a long road separating the self from my perceived self of other people is paying off (at least I think it is)

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wind-Up Rex View Post
    I arrived at basically what this article pointed out. Considering the process of integration as less of a path per se, but more of a triangle where both legs contribute to an optimal self. The disintegration point shows where the deficit is and where the real work needs to be done. As a 9, my issue is complacency, and it would be easy enough for me to fake 3 without addressing this underlying problem. The antidote really is in the 6s perspective, which at it's heart is about taking nothing for granted.

    For a 9, the process of integrating that lesson is excruciating, because to do it any justice we have to "unmerge". It's biting the apple and knowing a self distinct from the Source. It's to be truly aware for the first time of self with its limitations and its questions and its confusions. It's to be suddenly responsible for all that frailty where before there was nothing.
    Thought I would add, if you want a couple of case studies of some screwed up, overly suspicious 9s who find the missing piece from 6 watch the movies "Sleeping with the Enemy" (definite INFP) and "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" (likely INFP).

  6. #16
    Senior Member Silveresque's Avatar
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    Now time for my interpretation.

    Type Nine needs most to learn from Six to rely on themselves and to grow in adversity.
    To grow in adversity....When things get stressful, I disengage myself and wait it out. It's too painful to be actively engaged, so I go on autopilot and let the problem resolve itself. This is the way I've learned to deal with stressful times--by drifting past them rather than charging through.

    As for self-reliance, I'm beginning to seperate my own opinion from those of others. The problem is, I put too much weight on what others think, and even what others would think when they're not around. People are judgmental and critical, and I can't defend my views very well, so I've learned to keep quiet to avoid trouble.

  7. #17
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    I would say that is your direction of stress. The missing piece represents the healthy capacities of the type (7 in your case), which ironically is probably the most out of reach for you. However, the average qualities of the stress line represent a better strategy to act out under stress than our own type, as our own type takes us down a spiral. We don't rely on our direction of stress' strengths so it actually presents a useful alternative to the type's own fixation. In my case, as an Eight, I have learned to back off and isolate myself when I get in over my head. I have found it much better than getting into fights and essentially inviting people to lock me up and take my freedom of action away (my biggest fear.)

    In your own case, the silliness prevents your mental state from deteriorating into the nihilism of the Five.

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    Soooo agreed. In terms of stress relief, though, I think 3 isn't really the type I move to. Rather, 6 integrates towards 9 - and I certainly fit the bill in terms of loving soothing sensual pleasure - my favorite being massage. I also surround myself with positive inspirations and read fantasy stories with happy endings.

    As for the "missing piece", I think that's really interesting! I'm really working hard on developing my ego right now (6 is soooo superego-driven), and I think that it's true that 6 needs to learn how to decide what they desire, for oneself, and how to set a course to go about obtaining that. I think there is a similar parallel with superego-driven 2 and ego-driven 8, with 2 needing to learn how to claim their own personal feelings and how to pursue their own needs.

    For me, though, 3 has always come out when I am helping others with their goals - I become very driven, confident, and self-assured. I assume that's because helping someone else takes the pressure off in terms of me having to decide the "what I want" part of things, which is hardest for me, and as such my root fear is essentially eliminated. Now if I could only be like that in terms of my own goals! :]
    I think the interpretation of the missing piece as something to attain is misguided. Reading your account, I suspect that it's a waste of time. You do quite well and I see no reason for a 6 to learn what they want (as a Three) when it is already pretty clear that they want to develop something larger than themselves and build security in the world. The attainment of the Three's inner-directed nature seems so beside the point and attains the level of "spiritual masturbation" in my view.

    I'll use myself as an example. I am an Eight and when I grow towards Two, most of the capacities of the other types also become available, except Five. For the life of me, the one thing out of reach is the mental focus and the ability to stay with something mentally. The question I then ask is "why bother?" I already offer enough to others by being action-oriented and compassionate. The basic fear is also of little concern. No one seeks to lock me up when I champion their interests aggressively. The return on investment for the missing piece does not strike me as worth the trouble.

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by garbage View Post
    I'd think that everyone has something to learn from every healthy Enneagram type; I don't think the "missing piece" is special to our direction of disintegration. Honestly, I think this particular extension of the theory is reaching just a lil' bit.
    I wholeheartedly agree. Rather, I don't think it's reaching so much as just creating another spiritual milestone where it does not need to exist. I feel that once you have integrated your growth line and unlocked level 1 and live from that realization more and more, you've made it. It's hard to fall backward once you've tasted that level of freedom, and if you do, you know what it takes to get back in it. At that point, I would start seeing more value in other areas of life, like physical, social, or financial health. I look at Riso and Hudson, whose books are amazing. They spent much time chasing Essence, but it never occurred to them that maybe they could get more out of spending some time in a gym, as both are/were (RIP Mr. Riso) pretty overweight.

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