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Habitual Avoidance

VagrantFarce

Active member
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
1,558
This is the same idea as the "soul child" I've seen thrown around - the idea that we demonise our point of integration because it feels so antithetical to our way of being. It also relates to the idea that we project our own sense of inferiority onto other people, looking down on those who seem to embody what we don't feel comfortable with.

Growth comes from accepting these ways of being as just another part of ourselves, so we can become more comfortable with who we are as a result.
  • 1s strive to be perfect, and striving to be excited (7) can seem like wanting to be irresponsible and fool-hardy.
  • 2s strive to be connected, and striving to be unique (4) can seem like wanting to be selfish and isolating.
  • 3s strive to be outstanding, and striving to be secure (6) can seem like wanting to be lazy and mediocre.
  • 4s strive to be unique, and striving to be perfect (1) can seem like wanting to be stifled and repressed.
  • 5s strive to be detached, and striving to be powerful (8) can seem like wanting to be out of control and overwhelming.
  • 6s strive to be secure, and striving to be peaceful (9) can seem like wanting to be passive and unguarded.
  • 7s strive to be excited, and striving to be detached (5) can seem like wanting to be dull and boring.
  • 8s strive to be powerful, and striving to be connected (2) can seem like wanting to be weak and dependant on others.
  • 9s strive to be peaceful, and striving to be outstanding (3) can seem like wanting to be arrogant and demanding.

Does anyone recognise this sort of thing in themselves? What sort of people do you tend to look down on, and why?

A lot of this is taken from this book, which I highly recommend (it does a really good job of clarifying the points of integration/disintegration, as well as applicable/practical recommendations for growth):

http://www.amazon.com/Awareness-Action-Enneagram-Emotional-Intelligence/dp/1589661257
 
G

Glycerine

Guest
I definitely relate to the 5. I hate the feeling of "being out control and overwhelmed". I start to freak out and want run from it as soon as possible. However, I really enjoy the presence of ENTJ 8s for some reason. I admire the "no bullshit" attitude.... I find them to be relaxing, IRL and online.

I look down on people who constantly need to make other people "happy" because it's more about them than me and they don't give you any room to think about what you need to do or time to analyze things.
 

Santosha

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2011
Messages
1,516
MBTI Type
HUMR
Enneagram
6
Instinctual Variant
sx
Hmmm. This is very interesting to me, since I have had great difficult in distinguishing between 4w3 and 3w4.

Oddly, I will admit that both 1 and 6 traits can seem distasteful to me in ways.. (no offense to any e-type, this is very general) yet not in the ways previously described..

In 6's I dislike the great fear factor of environment, the need to secure oneself seems limiting, wasted energy on what might be unimportant to me, but not lazy at all.

In 1's I find the need to be perfect self-defeating, and I also see a dangerous ability to become short-sighted with principles overwhelming the individual. But I don't feel like I am at risk of this...

But I will definately need to reflect on these ideas a little more, and the way they play out in myself.
 

Kasper

Diabolical
Joined
May 30, 2008
Messages
11,590
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
  • 7s strive to be excited, and striving to be detached (5) can seem like wanting to be dull and boring.
Does anyone recognise this sort of thing in themselves? What sort of people do you tend to look down on, and why?

Not so much, I am detached myself, I feel quite comfortable with those who are detached also, especially E5s.

I'm more likely to look down on the following preferences, I am a 7 and relate strongly to 9 as well, maybe that plays a role here.

•1s strive to be perfect, and striving to be excited (7) can seem like wanting to be irresponsible and fool-hardy.

•6s strive to be secure, and striving to be peaceful (9) can seem like wanting to be passive and unguarded.
 

iris.moon

New member
Joined
Jul 21, 2011
Messages
76
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
9w8
"9s strive to be peaceful, and striving to be outstanding (3) can seem like wanting to be arrogant and demanding"
Yes! I have this problem! There's contrast between wanting the peace and affirming myself. Maybe I feel it a lot because of 8 wing.
 

Starry

Active member
Joined
May 22, 2010
Messages
6,103
This is so interesting. Thank you for starting this thread. And for the link to the book.

[*]7s strive to be excited, and striving to be detached (5) can seem like wanting to be dull and boring.

I can’t say this really applies to me. In fact, I would go so far as to say the opposite is true. I admire fives – a great deal. I also don’t possess a sense that I fear what is ‘dull and boring’. But I’ve never been the type of 7 that necessarily seeks out extreme excitement. It’s more like I seek out leisure/laziness and mental-distraction. Things that will keep me happy in the moment (seemingly unwilling to face what will truly make me happy over the long-haul). I only wish I knew how to detach because I believe then…I could rely less on the need for mental-distraction in order to avoid pain.

I’m wondering, though, if there is a difference with regards to how you feel about your integration point when it is a part of the same triad.
 

citizen cane

ornery ornithologist
Joined
Apr 30, 2010
Messages
3,854
MBTI Type
BIRD
Enneagram
631
Instinctual Variant
sp
I'm not so sure I relate to any of these.
 
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