Compliments NOT to give your Enneagram type

[Opal]

Not so confident in my type, but any compliment that demonstrates misunderstanding of my intention or assumes/implies my grasp of the subject is looser than it is would annoy me. Also compliments (unless executed perfectly) in which someone praises me for supporting some conjecture they made based on my output is very frustrating. I hate when others put words in my mouth or pretend to understand my tacit opinions.

Compliments I do invariably enjoy are ones centered around my writing, especially poetry. If someone sees the meaning in words I've strung together it makes my day.

 

[Firebird 8118]

My friends: "Aww, she's too innocent to argue with others!"

Me: *all the while thinking "You guys have no idea..." *

Never underestimate that side of me. The only reason I try to avoid arguing with my family and friends is because I care too much and don't wish to hurt their feelings.

 

[HollyGolightly]

"You're so nice" - usually means pushover. And when people say "I asked you because you're nice" it means they asked me because they know I'd say yes.

 

[Redbone]

Strong. Energetic. Upbeat. Optimistic.

I get angry when people around me are shocked that I can feel weak, tired, discouraged, depressed and unhappy, too. That I don't always have all the answers or know what to do next. I'm not Atlas(s)...and even he got tired.

Don't get me wrong...the above are compliments to me and I am proud of those things. But I hate it when they are tinged with an expectation that I must be this way AT ALL TIMES. I guess I feel that it pushes me to fit an archetype and doesn't give me much room to be a human.

 

[Ozones]

I don't pick apart compliments and turn them into insults like everyone above me. If someone compliments me, I politely say thank you and move on. Compliments and insults have pretty much the same effect on me, that being none. Oh I'm a type 7w8

 

[EJCC]

Compliments and insults have pretty much the same effect on me, that being none.

So how do you gain constructive feedback from other people? Or do you ever?

 

[Ozones]

So how do you gain constructive feedback from other people? Or do you ever?

Constructive feedback is different than taking compliments and insults to heart. The latter two have no substance. I'm actually sitting at a dinner right now with my family, and I asked my parents if they think I'm receptive to constructive feedback. My father said I'm receptive to advice and ideas that will help me get ahead, but in terms of telling me how to do things, I tune out.

 

[EJCC]

[MENTION=16650]AngelLight2012[/MENTION]: Oh yeah, "innocent" is a big one for me, too. As is "pure". Goddammit, I'm not a delicate flower.

Constructive feedback is different than taking compliments and insults to heart. The latter two have no substance. I'm actually sitting at a dinner right now with my family, and I asked my parents if they think I'm receptive to constructive feedback. My father said I'm receptive to advice and ideas that will help me get ahead, but in terms of telling me how to do things, I tune out.

Ah -- sounds like your definition of "compliment" is synonymous with "empty compliment". That's not my definition, nor, I think, is it the definition of most on this thread. Objectively telling someone something that they do well is still a compliment -- as is telling them honestly what you (incorrectly) perceive them as doing well.

 

[Cygnus]

[MENTION=4945]EJCC[/MENTION] Is there even a way to give an insulting compliment to a 1?

 

[wolfy]

[MENTION=4945]EJCC[/MENTION] Is there even a way to give an insulting compliment to a 1?

Maybe a little sarcastic compliment? Yeah, yeah, good job.

 

[EJCC]

[MENTION=4945]EJCC[/MENTION] Is there even a way to give an insulting compliment to a 1?

I think for me it comes down to:

1) Backhanded/intentionally insulting complimenting (including the sarcastic ones that [MENTION=4515]wolfy[/MENTION] mentioned), and
2) Excruciatingly lazy and/or boring complimenting.

The latter may be related to type 1, since I find the laziness and ignorance behind it to be insulting. "It's not THAT hard, so do it right!" Like when school friends used to give me Bath and Body Works products for my birthday, just because since I'm a girl, I MUST like Bath and Body Works. Happened almost every year, and I never used the stuff. Wow, I'm getting annoyed just thinking about it

 

[the resident]

Like when school friends used to give me Bath and Body Works products for my birthday, just because since I'm a girl, I MUST like Bath and Body Works. Happened almost every year, and I never used the stuff. Wow, I'm getting annoyed just thinking about it

The token gift. Reminds me to never do that.

 

[Curtis B]

9

Compliments when I am down, if it's something about me as a person. They seem like the person is only trying to cheer me up, if they know I am sad, and that makes me even more down.

Them: "You're so smart!"
My thoughts: "No I'm not. I'm stupid. Don't lie to me."

The other kind that irks me is when someone comments on how calm I am.

Them: "You're such a relaxed person, you seem so chill"
My thoughts: "hah. why don't you step inside my head for a minute, then you can decide."

 

[labyrinth_perhaps]

7w6
"wow, I don't know how you came up with that"
I feel almost impartially judged for having a natural quirky quick witted mind. When people say this to me as if they don't know what to say because I made them uncomfortable with my out of reality/box thinking.

 

[Morpeko]

461

"You're so nice."

Oh gee, I wonder how many people you've told that to. 🤦🏻 Also, I don't see the value in being nice in a world like this, it just makes me feel like you're waiting for the next opportunity to take advantage of me.

"You're so pretty/smart/funny/any other generic word."

Oh gee, I wonder how many people you've told that to. 🤦🏻 [2]
I'm not gonna enjoy a compliment if it could easily apply to other people.
What makes me so smart/pretty/funny/other generic word? Please tell me, otherwise, don't tell me at all.

"You're so cute and small."

Maybe not type-related, but I can see how this would bother a double-reactive.
Do you want me to kick your ass?

"You're so calm/easygoing/peaceful."

Clearly you don't know me well, and also, I don't see how this is a compliment, since it benefits you more than me.

I've never been told I'm so happy/positive/upbeat/confident, but that would piss me off since it's very untrue.