Compliments NOT to give your Enneagram type

[ayoitsStepho]

i don't like any generic compliment that could be applied to anyone, a true compliment has to be specially tailored towards me. so anything standard or generic is bad for a 4.

+1
I don't like being told generic compliments because it just shows that the person giving the compliment knows nothing about me. Don't tell me you think I'm pretty or that you like my skin- tell me that you like that way I do my makeup or you really enjoy my morbid/almost socially unacceptable sense of humor. Gotta be a bit more specific with me. Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world (*cough* Over popular song reference *cough*).

Back-handed compliment about my appearance. "You look so good with make up.... without it, with your head down, and your small body, you look like a retarded little girl". hahaha.

I always get kind of upset when I get more compliments on my hair when it's straight because it makes me feel like nobody actually likes my normal curly hair. It really doesn't make sense for me to think this way.

 

[The Great One]

"You're so calm and easygoing".

 

[GreatBigCranberries]

Back-handed compliment about my appearance. "You look so good with make up.... without it, with your head down, and your small body, you look like a retarded little girl". hahaha.

Backhanded compliments aren't really intended to be compliments though, are they?

I hate it whenever I'm worried about something and someone tells me (and someone usually does) that "You're so smart, you'll be fine." You do not know that I'll be fine. Don't talk like you do. When it comes to anything academic (especially tests and exams) everyone seems to take it as a going concern that I'll do wonderful. Everyone except me. It is very frustrating.

This isn't a verbal compliment, but I'll add it because someone could potentially take it as a compliment: I get irritated when people assume that I know everything. This has a habit of happening with most groups of people if I spend enough time with them. Someone brings up a question to which they don't know the answer, suddenly everyone looks at me like they're waiting for something. I'm not an encyclopedia. I don't know. Go look it up yourself.

 

[Glycerine]

Backhanded compliments aren't really intended to be compliments though, are they?

It really depends on the person. I think girls are more likely to be malicious about it and guys can be rather dense, generally speaking. Also, some folks are more prone to make comments where it just comes out much more differently than they intended it to.

The person who made that comment was honestly trying to give me a compliment with no ill-intent.

 

[Forever_Jung]

I don't think is type related, but the only kind of compliments I can think of that I don't enjoy are when people say things like this to me:

OMG! You're always happy, I love it! I wish I could live in your world!

I just want to take you home, and put you on my shelf and you can entertain me all day long!

They're expressed as if they're compliments, and I'm glad they enjoy my presence, but by the same token, I find them dehumanizing.

I don't want to be robbed of my nuance. Just because I am upbeat and humorous around people doesn't mean I go home and hum a merry tune and have no problems or negative emotions.

I am not your pet!

Come to think of it, my complaints sound very 4ish.

 

[thoughtlost]

Sometimes when I say nice things to a person such as "you're so smart", "you're so calm", "you're so confident", "you're so talented", "you're so WHATEVER" I don't actually mean it as as compliment. Usually my "compliments" mean that the person makes me feel so ....so ...SO bad about myself since I am not like them in that particular way.

 

[kyuuei]

OMG! You're always happy, I love it! I wish I could live in your world!

I just want to take you home, and put you on my shelf and you can entertain me all day long!

The happy-go-lucky ones are dehumanizing a little. On the one hand, I like that people notice that I am a happy person. Truly, I am, and it shows I believe, and I think that really just is not the norm for people anymore for some reason.

On the other hand. It makes me nervous to hear those, because I'm scared people will start to expect it. I am still human. I have bad days, I don't want to smile to the point of being creepy, I am relaxed and chill and calm and angry and sad and all of those things. So when people start *expecting* me to act happy when it isn't going to come natural, it annoys and irritates rather quickly--to the point of instantly distancing myself from a person.

 

[Evil Otter]

IDK, I can't really think of compliments I don't like.

Same, and I thought a fair deal about it.

*E9 hi-five*

9 sx/sp and same here. Can't think of a single compliment that bothers me. I may not think something applies in which case I'll say "thank you" and be thinking "really?" but I won't be offended by it.

 

[EJCC]

"You're really smart!"

Usually their revelatory tone and circumstances imply they thought I wasn't.

Happens to me, too. I'm used to it because it happens so often. I know for a fact that it's because of my age and gender (mostly gender) -- might be age on your part, too.

I always get kind of upset when I get more compliments on my hair when it's straight because it makes me feel like nobody actually likes my normal curly hair. It really doesn't make sense for me to think this way.

I wonder if this is universal? One of my least favorite things is when I dress up, do my hair differently, wear more makeup, or something else along those lines, and someone says "You look soooo pretty!!... uh, not that you aren't pretty normally, but today you look reeeeally pretty!"

 

[Vilku]

"youre like a typical male!" its funny how someone couldve said this to me, since im pretty much the opposite of that.

"youre so peaceful!" uhh.. what? yeah, i know your company relaxes me, but is that _really_ the most notable quality about me? =| (three people have said this to me, i think its just weird.)

"hes so proper, he doesnt smoke, doesnt drink alcohol, doesnt waste money, behaves right and BLABLABLABLABLABALB~~!!!" UMM.. ok! =/?? (i just consider those as granted, that everyone should be that way.)

"youre a normal guy." ... i know thats youre way of saying im cool, but thats still insulting.

reading those ocmpliments without my comments on them.. makes me seem like some sort of ESTJ 9w1 lols. =)

This isn't a verbal compliment, but I'll add it because someone could potentially take it as a compliment: I get irritated when people assume that I know everything. This has a habit of happening with most groups of people if I spend enough time with them. Someone brings up a question to which they don't know the answer, suddenly everyone looks at me like they're waiting for something. I'm not an encyclopedia. I don't know. Go look it up yourself.

hahahh, im an sx so, so i tend to sometimes give the picture to others that i know everything. plus being an ni dom.
its fun then when it happens to me that everyone looks to me for an answer to something, and ill just mess with them by saying something silly. =)

i once mistook an istp 5w4 as an intuitor because of his 5w4'ness, so i went speaking all intuitive crazy stuff to him and he just replied "im a simple person." lols. =]

 

[kfarb]

As a type 4: being called "cute" and "oh! I thought you were 18-21", after treating me like I'm naive to the world and am incapable of making my own life decisions.

Also, when guys rush to help me physically lift something that I'm not struggling with at all, and they aren't doing it to be sweet but because they automatically assume I can't physically handle it. This can be a little irritating sometimes, but I usually just end up handing it over.

 

[Vilku]

As a type 4: being called "cute" and "oh! I thought you were 18-21", after treating me like I'm naive to the world and am incapable of making my own life decisions.

Also, when guys rush to help me physically lift something that I'm not struggling with at all, and they aren't doing it to be sweet but because they automatically assume I can't physically handle it. This can be a little irritating sometimes, but I usually just end up handing it over.

hahhah, sp! im an sp last, so i pretty much always ask others to do my physical tasks if i just know they would likely accept it. =)
i mean, its hilarious that a male asks females to do his biddings, then i just stand there all feminine and argue that they are stronger than me, and how im much better fit with organizing things so they can take care of the rest. =)

ps i know infp's can be pretty handy with their inferior Te, as long as you know their capabilities.

 

[kfarb]

hahhah, sp! im an sp last, so i pretty much always ask others to do my physical tasks if i just know they would likely accept it. =)
i mean, its hilarious that a male asks females to do his biddings, then i just stand there all feminine and argue that they are stronger than me, and how im much better fit with organizing things so they can take care of the rest. =)

ps i know infp's can be pretty handy with their inferior Te, as long as you know their capabilities.

hahaha I would happily carry stuff for a guy if he asked, I'd take it as a compliment honestly I just don't like being looked upon as weak so I take great pains to try to become a stronger person, physically, mentally and emotionally. I have no idea how common that is for INFPs but it's definitely a focus of mine, and developing Te is vital in that.

 

[Cygnus]

Not certain about type yet

I've been called both "Cute" and "Sensitive" and also "Cold" or "Unempathetic" at different times. The first three I find unsettling. (I'm perfectly okay with my stance on the last one though, I don't have time for Fe bullcrap.)

"You're so smart"--no I'm NOT. I just bother to waste my time screwing around the ungodly edges of the internet learning this stuff beforehand because I find it interesting. Knowing this stuff isn't intelligence. I was just guzzling down caffeine at the time and so I remembered it and you didn't.

"Good-looking"--great. So apparently you expect me to be a male model. A brainless actor. More fodder for the mass graves when the apocalypse breaks out.

 

[Amargith]

For me, it is rarely the compliment alone that I respond to, but the series of actions and attitudes that surround them.

1)The porcelain doll treatment

included are:

* simplifying things as you talk the way you would to a child
* Omitting things as to 'not worry me'
* Assuming I am incapable of doing anything myself
* Restricting my access, movements or freedom in any way to 'protect me'

Let's just say in general: Micromanaging me out of love, possessiveness, protectiveness or whatever you wanna call that warm fuzzy feeling they seem to get from treating me like that - a pet, or worse, an object. If I decide to let you micromanage me coz I *trust* you and I get to set the conditions together with you, it's a whole different story.

2) The parts-for-sale treatment

Compliments about my looks are received based on what their source is. The words can be the same but the general difference between the two options is big.

Example:

'You are beautiful'

=> When said, accompanying a genuine admiration, the way you would look at a piece of art = absolutely sweet and appreciated
=> When said, eyeing my chest, or licking your lips, or while mentally imagining certain body parts = absolutely disgusting.

The first can contain parts of the second which Im totally good with in the right situation, but the second rarely if ever contains the first - at least enough to offset the fact that I just became an object to you to use for your own purposes. Lack of respect for the fact that Im a living being and more than the sum of my parts is a total turn off/creep-out.

3) The backhanded compliment treatment

Acting surprised that I'm actually capable of anything and acting as if your approval is a gift in a pat-on-the-head way.

Note: this does not pertain to people who know that Ive been struggling with something and are expressing their genuine surprise and encouragement when they notice the progress.

 

[hjgbujhghg]

hahaha I would happily carry stuff for a guy if he asked, I'd take it as a compliment honestly I just don't like being looked upon as weak so I take great pains to try to become a stronger person, physically, mentally and emotionally. I have no idea how common that is for INFPs but it's definitely a focus of mine, and developing Te is vital in that.

The same for me! I just hate this women/men stereotypes and when people try to apply them on me. Being treated like naive, or weaker gets me mad. The same about being call "cute" or "sweet" the words evolve kind of inferiority in your relationship to others. I also hate when someone calls me just like that a "sweethear" and similar things. I want to be treated as equal and independent with necessary evoking a need for someone's help.

 

[Rasofy]

I find direct compliments kinda awkward.

Come to think of it, I think static compliments are the worst type ('you're a smart person'; 'you're an elegant person'), as it demonstrates an expectation on me to earn the compliment indefinitely. Switch those for 'that was very smart of you' ; 'you're quite elegant today', and leave me the option to reject an unrequested label.

 

[Riva]

Hmm i don't recall receiving complements that i disliked. It's probably there stored in my head but i can't recall.

I enjoy receiving compliments that i am not. It could be because i enjoy portraying certain images and at times people commenting on images i am portraying or has portrayed means i have pulled it off correctly.

Our company dgm recently said i'm quite and i smirked and said she met me on the wrong day. My boss quickly pointed out that she is wrong and said something like: this is not the usual crowd he associates.

Anyway for some weird reason i enjoy being misread. Could it be related to my instinctual variant i wonder.

i don't like any generic compliment that could be applied to anyone, a true compliment has to be specially tailored towards me. so anything standard or generic is bad for a 4.

A compliment that is tailored towards you: you are a good jew.

The last jew who received that complement was nailed to a cross 2000 years ago.

 

[chickpea]

A compliment that is tailored towards you: you are a good jew.

The last jew who received that complement was nailed to a cross 2000 years ago.

what's wrong with you?

 

[LadyLazarus]

Any compliment; they always make me feel awkward because I never know what to say back.

Example:
Person:"I like your shoes."
Me:"Thanks...I like them too?"
Person: