Compliments NOT to give your Enneagram type

[Azure Flame]

"People pick on you just because you're "[djarendee]", but I think you're the strongest one here."

Made me feel like a complete loser when she said that.

also

"You're really smart!"

Usually their revelatory tone and circumstances imply they thought I wasn't.

 

[Artemistry]

"You're so sweet!" How is this even possible?
"you're too nice" WTF? It implies that my being nice is undesirable. A "thank you" would suffice.
"You're so brave/courageous" - it's not about being brave. That requires fear, and I'm simply not afraid. What's to be afraid of? The only time this compliment is received well is when I venture into emotionally vulnerable territory that scares the shit out of me. Then, the recognition of this is well-received.
"I could never have said that, wow!" Kind of makes me disrespect someone, especially if what I said was necessary for the protection of others or exposure of a falsehood.
"I could never do that!" Umm, actually, anyone can do anything they put their mind to. Really.

I also really, really detest over-praise or unnecessary flattery.

 

[pinkgraffiti]

"You're so sweet!" How is this even possible?
"you're too nice" WTF? It implies that my being nice is undesirable. A "thank you" would suffice.
"You're so brave/courageous" - it's not about being brave. That requires fear, and I'm simply not afraid. What's to be afraid of? The only time this compliment is received well is when I venture into emotionally vulnerable territory that scares the shit out of me. Then, the recognition of this is well-received.
"I could never have said that, wow!" Kind of makes me disrespect someone, especially if what I said was necessary for the protection of others or exposure of a falsehood.
"I could never do that!" Umm, actually, anyone can do anything they put their mind to. Really.

I also really, really detest over-praise or unnecessary flattery.

sorry, totally OTT, but how can you be an INFP enneagram8...is that even possible? mind overblown

 

[Standuble]

sorry, totally OTT, but how can you be an INFP enneagram8...is that even possible? mind overblown

Possibly a Te grip. On one particularly-long Te odyssey I scored type 8.

 

[Azure Flame]

"You're so sweet!" How is this even possible?
"you're too nice" WTF? It implies that my being nice is undesirable. A "thank you" would suffice.
"You're so brave/courageous" - it's not about being brave. That requires fear, and I'm simply not afraid. What's to be afraid of? The only time this compliment is received well is when I venture into emotionally vulnerable territory that scares the shit out of me. Then, the recognition of this is well-received.
"I could never have said that, wow!" Kind of makes me disrespect someone, especially if what I said was necessary for the protection of others or exposure of a falsehood.
"I could never do that!" Umm, actually, anyone can do anything they put their mind to. Really.

I also really, really detest over-praise or unnecessary flattery.

yes! INFJ 8!

*high five*

I've actually had people give me similar compliments that were rubbish.

"you're too innocent" and "You're too nice" don't really make sense to me, but I've heard them said to me.

 

[chickpea]

i don't like any generic compliment that could be applied to anyone, a true compliment has to be specially tailored towards me. so anything standard or generic is bad for a 4.

 

[Artemistry]

sorry, totally OTT, but how can you be an INFP enneagram8...is that even possible? mind overblown

Well, it is possible because I exist. Why do you think it can't exist?

There are other forum threads on the topic, if you'd like to weigh in there. Apparently, I'm a rare jewel.

 

[pinkgraffiti]

Well, it is possible because I exist. Why do you think it can't exist?

There are other forum threads on the topic, if you'd like to weigh in there. Apparently, I'm a rare jewel.

can you please redirect me there? it's not impossible, i had just never really considered it. so i'm interested i normally associate type 8 with Te, and I cant see how a dominant Fi would combine with an assertive 8. thus i'm interested

 

[citizen cane]

Five Compliments not to Give a Type 4:

1. "You deserve to have 'x'."
Especially when the type 4 is coveting something that they don't have, and likely won't have. Saying that they deserve it will make them yearn even harder to achieve/obtain 'x'. Best to say that you understand how they feel about 'x' and show you sympathize with them, but don't kill or fuel their dreams. Better to suggest a creative outlet for them to achieve something that is related to 'x' and will be rewarding in the end.

2. "You may be emotional, but I admire your passion."
Don't ever tell a 4 that they are too emotional. It makes them feel that their emotionality is a defect, and they will get depressed afterwards.

3. "You look just like <insert celebrity name here>."
If it's a celebrity that they admire, then they will like it initially, but ultimately, it will end up becoming a compare-contrast moment between traits that the celebrity has that the type 4 has, and the traits the celebrity has, that the type 4 doesn't have... and they will end up focusing more on the traits they don't have. Just tell the type 4 they look handsome or beautiful.

4. "This piece of artwork is very good." or "This piece of artwork is not too bad."
The word "good", or "not too bad", denotes higher than mediocrity, B work, and type 4s will think that B work is commonplace.

5. "You're pleasantly unusual."
Type 4's don't need to be told they are unusual, they already feel that way. It's like casting them into the Island of Misfit Toys. Just say that you love how unique they are.

I'm most likely a 6, and number one is a definite no-no; the related reasoning and suggestions also hold true, at least in my case.

 

[small.wonder]

I don't mind having my style complimented, except when people treat it like it's my identity. "Oh, I love your dress!" and then proceed to treat me like a delicate flower. NO.

I agree that I very much dislike the "you look just like (or remind me of) {insert celebrity name}". I don't like this because often I don't know who they are talking about, in addition to the insinuation that I've modeled myself after some famous person.

Agreed with [MENTION=7991]chana[/MENTION] about the generic compliment thing too.

All that being said, I try to not get my back up at any of these because they are usually said with good intentions. I just may respond awkwardly.

 

[RaptorWizard]

Warm, bubbly, considerate, conscientious, respectful, balanced, romantic, devoted....

 

[Evo]

I agree with [MENTION=10984]DJ Arendee[/MENTION]"Oh you're actually quite intelligent" after I've used the word interstitial fluid.... as if my worth is only rated by how intelligent I am, and as if someone's intelligence can be rated by whether or not they know words you don't know how to pronounce. hatred

Or"You're stronger than I thought" really? cause I'm short, now you think I can't lift 50 lbs. over my head.

"I thought you were 16" nope I'm 26...just shut up now.

And a million more, that just go to show that people underestimate me all the time. And that's y I don't make YouTube videos lol

 

[Galena]

I'd take just about everything in this thread well because I just don't read into people that much unless I'm worried or when it is important to develop understanding with someone I'm mismatched with (perhaps a coworker). Not necessarily promoting that way, though: reading between the lines is security.

The few that would make me cringe (though still appreciating the other person's approval for what it's worth), are the ones about being "nice", "sensitive", "cute" and "innocent".

"Nice" and "cute" are the minimums of decency. Nice, cute people are afraid to go beyond and will fail to do the right thing when it isn't so "nice" or appealing or comfortable. It's like skating by in morality school. It won't hold up when you get into college. I see each day as another challenge to do better than what you're complimenting me on. I work hard to overcome fear!

I can only see "innocent" as a fault.

The sensitivity one isn't personal. Sensitivity can make a person great. I just haven't tapped into its full potential yet and am still kind of sore about my past clumsiness with it. Getting to a place where it feels like a compliment is a goal.

Can't give an enneagram type, unfortunately. Best I can do: I don't know where the line between my 3 and my 4 is anymore.

 

[kyuuei]

Don't know if it's any other 8s.. but compliments that don't have to do with things I can control really irritate me easily.

I don't want the majority of my compliments to be if my skin is pale, if I am pretty, if my eyes are two colors..

It's okay every so often. But I think to myself, "Look at all I have done! Look at all I am doing! Are my looks the only thing you see?!"

What doesn't count with this: Stuff I have been actively working on. "You're gaining muscles in your arms!" "Did you cut your hair?" "You've been dressing really nice lately." that stuff is fine.

 

[011235813]

I don't like being called cute or compared to small fluffy animals except when I do. IDK, I can't really think of compliments I don't like.

 

[WALMART]

IDK, I can't really think of compliments I don't like.

Same, and I thought a fair deal about it.

*E9 hi-five*

 

[Galena]

I don't want the majority of my compliments to be if my skin is pale, if I am pretty, if my eyes are two colors..

It's okay every so often. But I think to myself, "Look at all I have done! Look at all I am doing! Are my looks the only thing you see?!"

This, and it's interesting how much it pushes my buttons. How flaccid, to be known for your passive qualities first.

 

[HongDou]

"You're so disciplined!"

1. no i'm not who the hell are you

2. "you're so boring!"

 

[Kierva]

2. "you're so boring!"

Oh yes, you such a bore to be around!

 

[Glycerine]

Back-handed compliment about my appearance. "You look so good with make up.... without it, with your head down, and your small body, you look like a retarded little girl". hahaha.