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Enneagram and Romantic Pairing

rav3n

.
Joined
Aug 6, 2010
Messages
11,655
He's more of a peacemaker, and actually has told me he sees it as one of his strengths - being able to see various sides (such as in his job - navigating tech and business realms successfully and communicating effectively to both). But definitely has a more forceful (I don't really mean that in a negative way)/impactful (?) presence than I. Viewed as possibly intimidating (to certain types) / a force to be reckoned with, I think, in the business world.

Edit -eh, now I'm not sure. He's definitely not afraid to challenge and will do that. But he's also pretty diplomatic and such.
It's possible to peace make as an 8w7 but it's more of a learned process of detaching from instinctual reactions. He should take some enneagram tests which might help to narrow it down for him.
 

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
Joined
Aug 29, 2008
Messages
19,129
MBTI Type
ESTJ
Enneagram
1w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
I like 2s :wub: One of my best friends is a 2 (I think), and an ENFJ.

The relationship is built around shared values: both are on a path of some kind together. Twos bring the nurturing and feelings that Ones do not easily allow themselves: they help Ones soften and relax. On the other hand, Ones bring integrity, conscientiousness, responsibility, and consistency. They are steady, reliable, and truthful. Ones commit strongly which makes the Two feel secure and that they won't be abandoned. Further, Twos bring warmth, a concern with people and a willingness to make exceptions to the rule for individuals in need. They are aware of suffering and work hard and generously to alleviate it wherever they can. Twos are more convivial and welcoming than Ones and can warm up the One's more typically reserved exterior—which most Ones are glad to have happen.

This is what I have with my ENFJ friend, and this is probably my ideal in a relationship, i.e. what I would really really like to happen :wub:
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Being a 4, I sometimes attract 7s (of the SP variety), and we clique at first over similar interests, but because I have a heavy 5 wing they begin to overwhelm me and often don't have enough of an intellectual streak for me (and I have too much of one for them :nerd: ).

I think a 1 might be great for me, but I wonder if it's one of those pairings that would be more beneficial for me than for the guy. I suppose as a 4 I could bring that touch of whimsy and spontaneity to the relationship, but I don't know how much a 1 is even seeking that.... As long as the 3 isn't too full of BS, I think a 3 would be amazing. An ENFJ 3w4 just might be my fantasy ideal :p. 2s & 6s seem like they could smother or cage me, and I don't want that. Maybe a counter-phobic 6 would work, depending on their MBTI type.

I think a 4w5 or 5w4 for a relationship would be too similar for the long haul. I've dealt with a few INTP 5w4s and it never ends well. We're both just too moody, but the initial connection is pretty strong and exciting.
 

FDG

pathwise dependent
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
5,903
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
7w8
Being a 4, I sometimes attract 7s (of the SP variety), and we clique at first over similar interests, but because I have a heavy 5 wing they begin to overwhelm me and often don't have enough of an intellectual streak for me (and I have too much of one for them :nerd: ).

I believe we are often mistaken as being extremely non-intellectual. We learn quite early that being intellectual is generally not considered as "fun", and being fun is something we care a lot about...

Obviously some 7s are just not intellectualy per se, so perhaps that's your case.
 

the state i am in

Active member
Joined
Feb 12, 2009
Messages
2,475
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
this is my interpretation of the entp 7s i know. the 7s at least (the e3 entps are different) have a language that is fun, functional, and extremely simple. and they're very against embodying discourse for the sake of embodying it. they don't like internalizing declaratively (think inferior Si), it has to be through Ti and it had damn well better have a pragmatic reason, as knowledge is measured by what's false based on a specific puzzle or storyline that one has begun trying to systematically build.

i find some of them very intellectual. it depends if they're matured to pick a few systems that they want to build. the depth is in Ti. but it's still so broad and fluid enough to meet their generalist sensibilities, which is when they really start to get awesome for me.

i haven't met as many intellectual enfp 7s. the relationship to knowledge is often fuzzier, and the intense curiosity is guided more towards practical action??? (i don't know, like a faith-building process which then turns into Te, vs the searching for knowledge of what's false like Ti does in order to systematize). but, with that said, one of the most engaging intellectual conversations i've ever had was with an enfp 7w6 sx/so. really brilliant and charismatic speaker, and he's picked his problem and done the work. same kind of thing as the entp system building. you need a few specialized domains to keep calling you back (e7 --> e5), even if you'll always be more of a generalist.
 

ayoitsStepho

Twerking & Lurking
Joined
Sep 20, 2009
Messages
4,838
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
I actually like the way the 3 sounds. Fancy fancy fancy.
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I believe we are often mistaken as being extremely non-intellectual. We learn quite early that being intellectual is generally not considered as "fun", and being fun is something we care a lot about...

Obviously some 7s are just not intellectualy per se, so perhaps that's your case.

I'm thinking of ESxP 7s mainly. Although I'm pretty sure my ENTP dad is a 7w6 and he is not what I'd call "intellectual" (although he's extremely book smart). It's funny because, he does value it, just as these SPs admire it, but it doesn't hold their attention.
 

You

New member
Joined
Jun 8, 2010
Messages
2,124
MBTI Type
entp
Enneagram
7w8
It ain't about what you know, its about how you make use of it. Learn a lil spanish, get a cute spanish girl to give you a kiss.

Besarme
 

Greta

New member
Joined
Dec 21, 2010
Messages
163
MBTI Type
INTe
Learn MOAR spanish. It's besame.

Anyhow, I gravitate towards 4s, but they often eventually annoy me.
5w6.
 
B

brainheart

Guest
I'm a 4 whose been with the same 7 for fifteen years now. I tend to be initially attracted to other fours but then as I get to know them we tend to have a very sibling-esque relationship- we relate a little too well. I think soul mates make better friends than lovers.
 

Magic Poriferan

^He pronks, too!
Joined
Nov 4, 2007
Messages
14,081
MBTI Type
Yin
Enneagram
One
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I'm wary of type matching. I'm even more skeptical of the supposed lines of integration and disintegration. I don't imagine anything is particularly wrong with an 8 being with a 2.
 

the state i am in

Active member
Joined
Feb 12, 2009
Messages
2,475
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I'm wary of type matching. I'm even more skeptical of the supposed lines of integration and disintegration. I don't imagine anything is particularly wrong with an 8 being with a 2.

i prefer the tom condon approach of the "high side" and the "low side" of the points in the enneagram you are connected to. it may be more natural to fall in one direction, but i get a ton of life help from e7s. our intersections can reinforce some of both of our stubborn tendencies (both seem very resistant to being controlled, to not following our own paths, to having trouble saying no to a world full of possibilities), perhaps, but it also helps me see what aspects of the e7 strategy are positive and what are negative, because usually they've figured a whole lot of shit about that out.
 

Adasta

New member
Joined
Oct 20, 2010
Messages
393
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
6w5.. Goes very well, it seems with 4w5.. Both the 4 and 6 have a need to connect to each other while maintaining a strong sense of individuality .. Their 5 wings temper their emotions with a cool objectivity and a need to solve problems that might exist between them.
Emotional, intellectual, sexual and artistic connection.
Even when things go bad.. their behaviors are easy to understand because they look very similar and actually are.

I will consider 4w5 perhaps, from here on in. As my actual dealings with those types portray the most natural affinity for each other.

The key is always how you deal with conflict, not how you deal with the happy moments..

I think this mirrors my own relationship. The only clashes seem to centre upon being too uptight/relaxed.
 

ceecee

Coolatta® Enjoyer
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
15,908
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
8w9
I'm fairly sure I'm an 8w9 paired with a 9 and that seems to be an overwhelmingly popular match up for 8's. It makes sense though, 9's are the safe harbor, the soothing calm, the one who stopped me from calling the car salesman a giant douchebag a few week ago.
 

Magic Poriferan

^He pronks, too!
Joined
Nov 4, 2007
Messages
14,081
MBTI Type
Yin
Enneagram
One
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I'm fairly sure I'm an 8w9 paired with a 9 and that seems to be an overwhelmingly popular match up for 8's. It makes sense though, 9's are the safe harbor, the soothing calm, the one who stopped me from calling the car salesman a giant douchebag a few week ago.

Well, the figures I've seen is that type 8 women go for type 9 men a lot, and almost never type 2s. But type 8 males tend to go for type 2 females. I don't know the validity of that claim, but that's what I've always read.
 

rav3n

.
Joined
Aug 6, 2010
Messages
11,655
I'd avoid any assumptions when they're defined by enneagram. Enneagram appears to be a shaping mechanism.
 
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