This past weekend I attended the first weekend of an intensive Enneagram seminar done in the narrative tradition. My mother had actually suggested it initially, and I signed up without realizing that two of the three days were 12 hours (9am to 9pm).
Still, I enjoyed getting to spend time with my mother at the seminar, and also enjoyed knowing someone else at the seminar (knowing someone helps act as a buffer/bridge when interacting with a new group). It also helps to be able have someone to post process with.
While the other people (around 20) at the seminar were mostly older than me, I found them more interesting and "real" than many people I meet. They were, by and large, open and engaging folks who are willing to be open about their issues in order to give insight into enneagram types.
Since this workshop was in the narrative tradition, a big part of the workshop involved type panel sessions. A type panel involves having 3-5 people of the same enneagram type who were interviewed about the perspective, issues, strengths and weaknesses of their type. The panels help give one insight into the energy and and issues of a given type. Given that there were only 20 people across 9 types, everyone at the seminar served on a panel, with "ringers" brought in from the local community as needed to fill in the gaps.
Some quick notes on the various type panels:
Type 1: I actually really enjoyed the type 1s this time around. They had a great sense of humor, and were direct and enjoyable. It's nice to see more approachable, self-aware 1s. Still, they did make it clear that however critical a 1 may be to others, they are more critical of themselves. The 1s also made it clear than the anger and criticism aren't any fun for them.
Type 2: Type 2s remain one of the more opaque types to me. Still, their pain (like the pain of many other types) was palpable. I identified with wanting to help others and being tuned into the emotions of those around one. Listening to the 2s also gave me a bit more sympathy for my twin brother (who I believe is a 2) and his relationship with his wife.
Type 3: Type 3ds are definitely go getters, and the energy and can-do attitude are surprisingly attractive. However, like other types, 3s lose an essential connection with themselves. They particularly focus too much on sucess, gaining recognition and getting things done, sometimes at the cost of their themselves, their own needs and own relationships.
Type 4: I still feel some commonality with these folks (the emotional sensitivity, in particular), but I don't really identify with their coping mechanisms or willingness to amp up the intensity of experience. I do admire the purity of their emotional experience and their willingness to stay in the emotion and ride it out.
Type 5: I hated being up in front of others to serve on the type 5 panel. I sweated the whole time. I also felt like I wasn't the best example 5, being an INFP with a definitely 4 wing. However, my mother and I were the more direct and socially adept of the 5s, so we did a fair amount of the talking on the five panel between the two of us.
Type 6: I got a better sense not just of the sense of fear (and that the world is a dangerous place), but also of what a calming, steady presence 6s can have. They know the world is a chaotic place, and a grounded 6 really provides a level of prepared calm that can feel very comforting and safe to others, especially those for whom they feel a responsibility.
Type 7: The 7s do really bring in the fun, creativity and enjoyment. However, there is definitely a frenetic edge to their energy and their need to keep moving to avoid facing the darker emotions. The 7s at the seminar I would MBTI type as mostly E, N, F and P (although they were not all of the same MBTI type). I did feel like MBTI type would have been somewhat helpful in clarifying which aspects were 7, and which were E, N and P.
Type 8: I was really surprised by the level of pain and hurt the 8s expressed. The 8s often are punished for the necessary role they often. pay. By standing up for justice and/or pointing out that the emperor has no clothes, they receive punishment and condemnation. I really felt that 8s have one of the hardest rows to hoe. A lot of the 8s had, at some point in their lives, absolutely reached the end of their ropes and only turned to inner work out of absolute desperation.
Type 9: The Type 9s I still found draining (since they tend to be energy absorbing). By comparison to those 9s (and some 5s) I'm a dynamo of purpose and energy. Still, this set of 9s was pretty functional and definitely weren't on the lower end of functioning. It was also good to hear about the comfort and peace they provide to those around them when functioning well.
Overall: I was impressed about how open the attendees were about their issues and pain, and what a supportive environment it was. Every type is miserable in its own way, and I definitely felt that about each and every type.
Also, after this seminar I had far more sympathy for the anger types than I had had previously. Given my history with my 1 father, it has been hard for me to have much sympathy for 1s and 8s in particular. Still, seeing how distraught they themselves feel about the effects of their anger and the price they often pay, my heart absolutely goes out to them.
Probably the most clarifying thing for me was identifying a one-to-one (sx) instinctual type. I was pretty clear that was my instinctual subtype before the seminar, but it was embarrassingly clear how well I fit. I believe the traits of that subtype, combined with my four wing, helps explain my great emotional awareness and directness compared to some 5s (combined with my INFP MBTI type).
The other clarifications were:
- Additional confirmation that I'm not a 4, despite sharing a number of 4-ish characteristics. For example, I usually don't yearn to be where I'm not (or about something I lack, other than a generalized sense of loneliness/isolation/separation). While I'm prone to depression, I really don't feel like I suffer uniquely nor am I uniquely misunderstood.
- I'm relatively socially functional and outgoing for a 5. I think the one-to-one (sx) aspect helps in connecting to people socially (on the small scale) as do the NFP aspects. However, those aspects can also give others a false impression of me, thinking that the "socially on" version of me is how I always am. Staying in that mode is very draining to me, and I can only be in that mode a small percentage of the time.
- The enneagram community definitely has a warm, communal, almost "churchy" feel to it (in a positive way). People feel like the enneagram has helped them save relationships and become more sane and functional. Also the emotional openness (including on the panels) creates a feeling that it's okay to be vulnerable and experience real emotion. I may look for an enneagram community in the Boston area.
- I chose to be "out" at the conference, and that went fine (despite it being in Texas). There were a number of Christians there, but no one openly responded negatively to my being out as a gay man. I really didn't talk about any gay issues, other than refering to relationship issues with my parnter (much as other people did about their spouses).
- The enneagram absoutely seems to me to be about those defenses that stop us from being present, intimate and vulnerable. It's about unhealthy defense mechanisms and learning how to be aware of them and the way they sabotage our life and relationships. That hard, painful, unpleasant work is where the value of the enneagram lies. That defenses, the negative sides of the types, and how to relax those defenses will be the focus of part 2 of the seminar in a few weeks. I'm both dreading it and looking forward to it.
isnt that great? 
