Opal Star
Member
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2020
- Messages
- 516
- Enneagram
- 173
- Instinctual Variant
- sx/sp
Types That I Am Considering:
1w2 sp/so, so/sp, or sp/sx: I have a tendency to become very morally fixated on things and I have a tendency of being very judgmental. I can be overly critical and I view things as dichotomous a lot of the time (i.e. good or bad with no in-between). I fear making mistakes and I try to be right. I am a huge perfectionist. I can be resentful at times.
Cons: I can sometimes relate more to the motivations of 3 rather than 1. I can be emotionally reactive which could point to me being in the reactive triad. I cannot relate much to anger.
3w4 sp/so: I work extremely hard and I am kind of a workaholic. I am obsessed with achievements and I believe that they define me. I care a lot about both external and internal standards. I work harder to make sure that I feel like I am enough and working harder is a defense mechanism.
Cons: I cannot relate to the passion of vanity that much. I care more about HOW something is done than how quickly it is done (efficiency). Although I care about both external and internal standards, I might pay more attention to my own perfectionism.
SP or SX 4: Envy has been an issue for a long time. I have sometimes felt the sense of lack that a 4 tends to feel, but I'd say that this is at my worst. I can see how I can be an SP 4 because I work to achieve what I envy a lot of the time. I can see how I can be an SX 4 because I can be rather competitive and I tend to try to achieve things to mute my own shame.
Cons: I cannot relate to the disintegration/integration patterns of 4. I do not tend to act like a 2 under stress. I also cannot relate to the obsession with finding my identity and ALWAYS looking for what's missing. My sense of "lack" might stem more from my perfectionism. I cannot relate to the core fears and motivations of enneagram 4. Even though I am reactive, I tend to just focus on getting things done rather than focusing on emotions. I don't think that a 4 would have an aversion to their emotions. I am not aggressive in the way that SX 4s tend to be depicted as (even though I'd say that I am an assertive person) Also, I can't really see myself as SX first.
I can also see parts of 5, 6, and even 8w9 in me.
Tritypes: I can see any 13x combination. I can also see any 14x combination with the exception of 147.
Main questionnaire:
Any disorders or conditions we should know about?
I have not been diagnosed with anything, but I might have anxiety/OCD.
Main Questions
1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.
I think that my life is about achieving things and learning new things. Success and getting high-standard results motivates me the most. I also like being in charge and I am very motivated by learning new things. I am future-oriented and I plan things a lot. I also want to do the right thing according to my internal standards. I hope to become a very successful person in whatever field I go into in the future.
I will be obsessive when it comes to my goals. Meeting my internal and external standards drives me.
2. What were you like as a kid?
I was an intellectually curious, analytical, emotional, responsible, driven, ambitious, extremely self-disciplined, organized, hardworking, dutiful, and creative child. I had some jealousy issues and I was very anxious.My parents did not have to hover over me because I was very responsible and self-reliant. I was reading a lot, I was energetic, I did some creative writing, and I was introverted. I did not care about social norms as a child. I followed rules but I did not understand social norms. I would monologue about whichever topic I was obsessed with, I had trouble making eye contact, I could not read body language, and conversation dynamics were confusing to me. I did not fit in with others due to my interests and it made me sad. However, I did not take much action to try to fit in.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?
My relationship to my parents was alright. My parents thought that I was socially unaware and now they think that I am overly critical. I am criticized for my black-and-white thinking, demonizing my feelings (even though I am very emotional), not caring enough about how I am perceived by others, being too task-oriented (at the cost of my social life), and my moral rigidity. I have also been criticized for my lack of social skills and my judgmental tendencies.
4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?
The values that are important to me are fairness, justice, success, achievement, correctness, hard work, determination, objectivity, and equality. I think that it is important to achieve your goals and to speak up about what is right.
I hope to avoid being a failure, doing a bad job on something, not living up to my standards and values, being lazy, being amoral, and being ostracized. I also do not want to be unfair, as fairness is important to me.
5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?
I feared being ostracized, not fitting in, not living up to my own standards, and failure. I have talked about the fear of being ostracized and not fitting in, but I didn’t act on it because I didn’t know how because I was socially unskilled. I have acted on the fear of not living up to my own standards and failure by almost never procrastinating, perfectionism, setting excessively rigid internal morals for myself, working very hard, and obsessing over being perfect.
6. a.) How do you see yourself?
I see myself as detail-oriented, hardworking,determined, perfectionistic, analytical, ambitious, driven, curious, obsessive, controlling, fair, rigid, self-righteous, organized, emotional, imaginative, future-oriented, assertive, planned, and friendly.
b.) How do you want others to see you?
I want others to see me as successful, fair, objective, a great leader, a good planner, attentive to detail, future-oriented, strategic, and creative.
c.) What do you dislike the most in other people?
I tend to dislike how people do not work hard enough and that they tend to procrastinate. I can be very resentful of lazy people.
7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).
a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others. 2
b.) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you 3
c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else. 1
8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?
The wandering mind takes me to my own fantasy world that I have created or whatever I am obsessing over. Music normally provokes this, and this normally happens when I am bored or taking a break.
9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
Achieving things, being productive, and being recognized for my achievements makes me feel my best. Not living up to my standards, failing, and not fitting in makes me feel my worst. I hate failing and not fitting in.
10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:
a.) anger
I get angry at myself mostly, and it may manifest as internal critique or external judgments. I have a self-righteous streak but I wouldn’t consider myself to be an angry person.
b.) shame
I will feel shame about failure, not living up to my standards and internal morals, when I am being punished for something, not fitting in, and feeling ostracized. I mainly feel shame about failure and not living up to standards, as I am defined by my achievements more than anything else. I want to fit in, but I have never taken much action. I also feel shame if I think that I lack some quality that I envy, but I will mainly feel envious at my worst and I will work to get what I want.
c.) anxiety
I definitely feel anxiety the most. I fear making mistakes, not living up to standards, failure, and the unknown. I mainly emotionally react due to my anxiety and worry about making things perfect. My anxiety also manifests in OCD-like tendencies, such as obsessing over one idea and checking things obsessively. Anxiety leads to perfectionism.
11. Describe how you respond to the following:
a.) stress
If I am stressed about a deadline or school/extracurricular related projects, then I will just work harder. But if I am extremely stressed (due to prolonged stress/ anxiety / perfectionism), then I will react emotionally. I am uncomfortable with my emotions but I am very emotional.
b.) negative unexpected change
I will normally react emotionally, especially if it is a failure. I hate failing.
c.) conflict
It depends on the conflict. If it is a normal conflict, then I will deal with it calmly and rationally. I will assert myself or I will stay in the background. But if someone says that I am going to fail or if it addresses my lack of social skills (and not fitting in as a result), I will cry, as failure and my social struggles are sensitive topics to me. I also hate being punished, and I will react because I see it as a failure. I criticize myself so harshly so that I won’t be criticized often.
12. a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why?
I used to not be very group-oriented due to my lack of social skills, but as my social skills improved, I take on the role of the leader and/or analyst of the group. I tend to lead the group because I am good at planning and delegating tasks. I am also quite assertive. I take the role of the analyst because I am very analytical and I am detail-oriented.
b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why?
I tend to delegate tasks and I tend to be a bit of a micro-manager. I micromanage because I am a perfectionist and I want the end result to be perfect. I check details amongst other things.
c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why?
No. I tend to be rather compliant with authority, because I know that the consequences of breaking rules can be severe.
13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
I see that most people tend to not be as strict with themselves as I am. I tend to live by strict morals, to-do lists, and compulsions. I can be obsessive in this regard. I am also obsessed with getting things done, and I work harder than most people.
14. Comment on your relationship with trust.
I tend to be a trusting person, except if the facts are wrong. I will not trust anyone with the wrong facts.
15. Which of the following temptations do you find yourself acting upon the most? (And briefly state why)
To constantly push yourself to be “the bestâ€
I have always been a very driven person. I want to be the best because I feel that if I am without achievements, then I am worthless. I need to be achieving my goals.
To have an extreme sense of personal moral obligation
I have strong morals that I live by. I will criticize myself if I do not abide by my principles. At my worst, I have been extremely rigid when it comes to morality.
To consider yourself entirely self-sufficient
I have always been an independent person and I have been independently motivated. I think that being independently motivated is freeing.
To cyclically become indecisive and seek others for reassurance
Sometimes I will seek others for reassurance to ensure that I am doing something correctly or if something is not the way it should be.
To replace direct experience with concepts
I will sometimes become solitary when I am obsessively learning about something. But this is when I do not have anything to do, however.
To overuse imagination in searching for yourself
I am an introspective person and I am very imaginative. However, I do not use my imagination for searching for myself.
To think that fulfillment is somewhere else
I sometimes think that fulfillment is in the future.
To avoid conflicts and asserting yourself
Even though I am an assertive person, I will avoid conflicts if they break rules.
To be without needs, well-intentioned
I am well-intentioned, but I do not see myself as a person without needs.
16. What's something you are: a.) thankful you have b.) wish you could have? Why?
I am thankful for my work ethic and that I do not procrastinate. I am grateful for my abilities to get things done.
I wish that I could be more spontaneous and less rigid. I can be overly critical and rigid when it comes to my beliefs and I have a self-righteous streak. I also dislike my tendency to have “black and white†thinking. I often think that something is good or bad with no shades of gray. I will beat myself up over one or a few mistakes and I will say that I am bad at something or have this bad quality.
1w2 sp/so, so/sp, or sp/sx: I have a tendency to become very morally fixated on things and I have a tendency of being very judgmental. I can be overly critical and I view things as dichotomous a lot of the time (i.e. good or bad with no in-between). I fear making mistakes and I try to be right. I am a huge perfectionist. I can be resentful at times.
Cons: I can sometimes relate more to the motivations of 3 rather than 1. I can be emotionally reactive which could point to me being in the reactive triad. I cannot relate much to anger.
3w4 sp/so: I work extremely hard and I am kind of a workaholic. I am obsessed with achievements and I believe that they define me. I care a lot about both external and internal standards. I work harder to make sure that I feel like I am enough and working harder is a defense mechanism.
Cons: I cannot relate to the passion of vanity that much. I care more about HOW something is done than how quickly it is done (efficiency). Although I care about both external and internal standards, I might pay more attention to my own perfectionism.
SP or SX 4: Envy has been an issue for a long time. I have sometimes felt the sense of lack that a 4 tends to feel, but I'd say that this is at my worst. I can see how I can be an SP 4 because I work to achieve what I envy a lot of the time. I can see how I can be an SX 4 because I can be rather competitive and I tend to try to achieve things to mute my own shame.
Cons: I cannot relate to the disintegration/integration patterns of 4. I do not tend to act like a 2 under stress. I also cannot relate to the obsession with finding my identity and ALWAYS looking for what's missing. My sense of "lack" might stem more from my perfectionism. I cannot relate to the core fears and motivations of enneagram 4. Even though I am reactive, I tend to just focus on getting things done rather than focusing on emotions. I don't think that a 4 would have an aversion to their emotions. I am not aggressive in the way that SX 4s tend to be depicted as (even though I'd say that I am an assertive person) Also, I can't really see myself as SX first.
I can also see parts of 5, 6, and even 8w9 in me.
Tritypes: I can see any 13x combination. I can also see any 14x combination with the exception of 147.
Main questionnaire:
Any disorders or conditions we should know about?
I have not been diagnosed with anything, but I might have anxiety/OCD.
Main Questions
1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.
I think that my life is about achieving things and learning new things. Success and getting high-standard results motivates me the most. I also like being in charge and I am very motivated by learning new things. I am future-oriented and I plan things a lot. I also want to do the right thing according to my internal standards. I hope to become a very successful person in whatever field I go into in the future.
I will be obsessive when it comes to my goals. Meeting my internal and external standards drives me.
2. What were you like as a kid?
I was an intellectually curious, analytical, emotional, responsible, driven, ambitious, extremely self-disciplined, organized, hardworking, dutiful, and creative child. I had some jealousy issues and I was very anxious.My parents did not have to hover over me because I was very responsible and self-reliant. I was reading a lot, I was energetic, I did some creative writing, and I was introverted. I did not care about social norms as a child. I followed rules but I did not understand social norms. I would monologue about whichever topic I was obsessed with, I had trouble making eye contact, I could not read body language, and conversation dynamics were confusing to me. I did not fit in with others due to my interests and it made me sad. However, I did not take much action to try to fit in.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?
My relationship to my parents was alright. My parents thought that I was socially unaware and now they think that I am overly critical. I am criticized for my black-and-white thinking, demonizing my feelings (even though I am very emotional), not caring enough about how I am perceived by others, being too task-oriented (at the cost of my social life), and my moral rigidity. I have also been criticized for my lack of social skills and my judgmental tendencies.
4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?
The values that are important to me are fairness, justice, success, achievement, correctness, hard work, determination, objectivity, and equality. I think that it is important to achieve your goals and to speak up about what is right.
I hope to avoid being a failure, doing a bad job on something, not living up to my standards and values, being lazy, being amoral, and being ostracized. I also do not want to be unfair, as fairness is important to me.
5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?
I feared being ostracized, not fitting in, not living up to my own standards, and failure. I have talked about the fear of being ostracized and not fitting in, but I didn’t act on it because I didn’t know how because I was socially unskilled. I have acted on the fear of not living up to my own standards and failure by almost never procrastinating, perfectionism, setting excessively rigid internal morals for myself, working very hard, and obsessing over being perfect.
6. a.) How do you see yourself?
I see myself as detail-oriented, hardworking,determined, perfectionistic, analytical, ambitious, driven, curious, obsessive, controlling, fair, rigid, self-righteous, organized, emotional, imaginative, future-oriented, assertive, planned, and friendly.
b.) How do you want others to see you?
I want others to see me as successful, fair, objective, a great leader, a good planner, attentive to detail, future-oriented, strategic, and creative.
c.) What do you dislike the most in other people?
I tend to dislike how people do not work hard enough and that they tend to procrastinate. I can be very resentful of lazy people.
7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).
a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others. 2
b.) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you 3
c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else. 1
8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?
The wandering mind takes me to my own fantasy world that I have created or whatever I am obsessing over. Music normally provokes this, and this normally happens when I am bored or taking a break.
9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
Achieving things, being productive, and being recognized for my achievements makes me feel my best. Not living up to my standards, failing, and not fitting in makes me feel my worst. I hate failing and not fitting in.
10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:
a.) anger
I get angry at myself mostly, and it may manifest as internal critique or external judgments. I have a self-righteous streak but I wouldn’t consider myself to be an angry person.
b.) shame
I will feel shame about failure, not living up to my standards and internal morals, when I am being punished for something, not fitting in, and feeling ostracized. I mainly feel shame about failure and not living up to standards, as I am defined by my achievements more than anything else. I want to fit in, but I have never taken much action. I also feel shame if I think that I lack some quality that I envy, but I will mainly feel envious at my worst and I will work to get what I want.
c.) anxiety
I definitely feel anxiety the most. I fear making mistakes, not living up to standards, failure, and the unknown. I mainly emotionally react due to my anxiety and worry about making things perfect. My anxiety also manifests in OCD-like tendencies, such as obsessing over one idea and checking things obsessively. Anxiety leads to perfectionism.
11. Describe how you respond to the following:
a.) stress
If I am stressed about a deadline or school/extracurricular related projects, then I will just work harder. But if I am extremely stressed (due to prolonged stress/ anxiety / perfectionism), then I will react emotionally. I am uncomfortable with my emotions but I am very emotional.
b.) negative unexpected change
I will normally react emotionally, especially if it is a failure. I hate failing.
c.) conflict
It depends on the conflict. If it is a normal conflict, then I will deal with it calmly and rationally. I will assert myself or I will stay in the background. But if someone says that I am going to fail or if it addresses my lack of social skills (and not fitting in as a result), I will cry, as failure and my social struggles are sensitive topics to me. I also hate being punished, and I will react because I see it as a failure. I criticize myself so harshly so that I won’t be criticized often.
12. a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why?
I used to not be very group-oriented due to my lack of social skills, but as my social skills improved, I take on the role of the leader and/or analyst of the group. I tend to lead the group because I am good at planning and delegating tasks. I am also quite assertive. I take the role of the analyst because I am very analytical and I am detail-oriented.
b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why?
I tend to delegate tasks and I tend to be a bit of a micro-manager. I micromanage because I am a perfectionist and I want the end result to be perfect. I check details amongst other things.
c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why?
No. I tend to be rather compliant with authority, because I know that the consequences of breaking rules can be severe.
13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
I see that most people tend to not be as strict with themselves as I am. I tend to live by strict morals, to-do lists, and compulsions. I can be obsessive in this regard. I am also obsessed with getting things done, and I work harder than most people.
14. Comment on your relationship with trust.
I tend to be a trusting person, except if the facts are wrong. I will not trust anyone with the wrong facts.
15. Which of the following temptations do you find yourself acting upon the most? (And briefly state why)
To constantly push yourself to be “the bestâ€
I have always been a very driven person. I want to be the best because I feel that if I am without achievements, then I am worthless. I need to be achieving my goals.
To have an extreme sense of personal moral obligation
I have strong morals that I live by. I will criticize myself if I do not abide by my principles. At my worst, I have been extremely rigid when it comes to morality.
To consider yourself entirely self-sufficient
I have always been an independent person and I have been independently motivated. I think that being independently motivated is freeing.
To cyclically become indecisive and seek others for reassurance
Sometimes I will seek others for reassurance to ensure that I am doing something correctly or if something is not the way it should be.
To replace direct experience with concepts
I will sometimes become solitary when I am obsessively learning about something. But this is when I do not have anything to do, however.
To overuse imagination in searching for yourself
I am an introspective person and I am very imaginative. However, I do not use my imagination for searching for myself.
To think that fulfillment is somewhere else
I sometimes think that fulfillment is in the future.
To avoid conflicts and asserting yourself
Even though I am an assertive person, I will avoid conflicts if they break rules.
To be without needs, well-intentioned
I am well-intentioned, but I do not see myself as a person without needs.
16. What's something you are: a.) thankful you have b.) wish you could have? Why?
I am thankful for my work ethic and that I do not procrastinate. I am grateful for my abilities to get things done.
I wish that I could be more spontaneous and less rigid. I can be overly critical and rigid when it comes to my beliefs and I have a self-righteous streak. I also dislike my tendency to have “black and white†thinking. I often think that something is good or bad with no shades of gray. I will beat myself up over one or a few mistakes and I will say that I am bad at something or have this bad quality.
