(I'm not sure where to put this post so I decided to put it in here. So I guess I'll give input about myself and maybe get some insight, not sure I'm pretty lost in even my own motivation for myself. I know that my profile says 4 but that’s a placeholder)
- I suppose I'll start with the fears that resonate with me more predominantly and surface most commonly. I think a recurring thought that has surfaced more often than not is the loss of my own. What I mean by that is that anytime I feel like my mind is slowing down or losing it’s creative edge, I'll begin to panic and isolate myself further into mind. I'm afraid of losing my mind and integrating into some shadow part of myself that consumes me if that makes sense, usually followed up by research binges. Never have I truly care about material wealth as a motivation for surviving in life as I believe that if you view currency as a sole motivator for existence then you’ll inevitably follow the same path of any other resource driven organism, only satiating needs for your own survival under the camouflage of an air of civility. Point is I only view money for the essentials of maintaining resources that keep my mind intact, if you’re wondering my panic attack over my own mind usually occurs in cases of brain fog or creative block. I hate menial jobs especially if I were to assume one as a way of life as I generally find it to be a major insult to my creativity. I had a class that basically simulated human society, you know having the students develop a law system, creating jobs for others and when they gave me role of someone who only recorded what happened on a given day for one event and to be summarised in one sentence, I suppose I was internally sour and my self esteem pretty much crushed. When I was younger these same fears surfaced but in a much more childish way, sometimes wondering what it would be like to interpret the world from the view of a dog and what having that level of intelligence would be like and would they have fears beyond pure survival. I guess being someone different and beyond the common mold has been something that has been a very persistent thought ever since childhood and even now I still think about as I’m writing this. I have an interesting relationship with conflict since i’m not really adverse to it but generally avoid it is over something completely nonsensical since it’s generally a waste of energy.
- I suppose I'll start with the fears that resonate with me more predominantly and surface most commonly. I think a recurring thought that has surfaced more often than not is the loss of my own. What I mean by that is that anytime I feel like my mind is slowing down or losing it’s creative edge, I'll begin to panic and isolate myself further into mind. I'm afraid of losing my mind and integrating into some shadow part of myself that consumes me if that makes sense, usually followed up by research binges. Never have I truly care about material wealth as a motivation for surviving in life as I believe that if you view currency as a sole motivator for existence then you’ll inevitably follow the same path of any other resource driven organism, only satiating needs for your own survival under the camouflage of an air of civility. Point is I only view money for the essentials of maintaining resources that keep my mind intact, if you’re wondering my panic attack over my own mind usually occurs in cases of brain fog or creative block. I hate menial jobs especially if I were to assume one as a way of life as I generally find it to be a major insult to my creativity. I had a class that basically simulated human society, you know having the students develop a law system, creating jobs for others and when they gave me role of someone who only recorded what happened on a given day for one event and to be summarised in one sentence, I suppose I was internally sour and my self esteem pretty much crushed. When I was younger these same fears surfaced but in a much more childish way, sometimes wondering what it would be like to interpret the world from the view of a dog and what having that level of intelligence would be like and would they have fears beyond pure survival. I guess being someone different and beyond the common mold has been something that has been a very persistent thought ever since childhood and even now I still think about as I’m writing this. I have an interesting relationship with conflict since i’m not really adverse to it but generally avoid it is over something completely nonsensical since it’s generally a waste of energy.
