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[Traditional Enneagram] Enneagram 5 and love...how do you know?

Maou

Mythos
Joined
Jun 20, 2018
Messages
6,117
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Do you love an object? Like a car, or character in a game or a computer's keyboard, for example.

I am not really aware of how I feel about things, until something is happening to it. I don't love objects, but I do wish to protect my property because of what it means to have to replace it, or I might have irreplaceable stuff within said object.

I think I am beginning to gain some awareness of my feelings, I just don't want to mistake it with something else. Which is why I asked what its like for others.
 

Kanra Jest

Av'ent'Gar'de ~
Joined
Jun 30, 2015
Messages
2,388
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so


Welp. There goes my personal world. Exposed.

But alot of times I also don't know what I feel. Sometimes not until I lose it.

This makes it sound like sexual fives are only focused on romance all the time. The only goal. Which isn't the case for me. Most of the time I'm goal oriented, but the few times when I start to fall in love. I turn into a romantic sap and it's a huge focus. And it's my goal in life, equal to my other goals if not slightly more. One on one, in sync. Like watching videos together at the same time, even if far away or on skype, watching movies, at the same time to get the reactions of the other and discuss it. Sharing in things. Mental synchronicity.

There's moments I can be all in seemingly, but other times be pretty distant. I think I'm distant with most people. Hopefully if I find the One contact won't be an issue. Seems like usually I'll hyper focus on one and forget about others though.
 

Maou

Mythos
Joined
Jun 20, 2018
Messages
6,117
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp


Welp. There goes my personal world. Exposed.

But alot of times I also don't know what I feel. Sometimes not until I lose it.

This makes it sound like sexual fives are only focused on romance all the time. The only goal. Which isn't the case for me. Most of the time I'm goal oriented, but the few times when I start to fall in love. I turn into a romantic sap and it's a huge focus. And it's my goal in life, equal to my other goals if not slightly more. One on one, in sync. Like watching videos together at the same time, even if far away or on skype, watching movies, at the same time to get the reactions of the other and discuss it. Sharing in things. Mental synchronicity.

There's moments I can be all in seemingly, but other times be pretty distant. I think I'm distant with most people. Hopefully if I find the One contact won't be an issue. Seems like usually I'll hyper focus on one and forget about others though.

That little except is what made me reconsider my instinctual variants. I have never really cared about relationships etc, until one day I think I fell in love/realized I did before it was over. It changed my perspective entirely, my attitude, and my desires so much that I didn't know what to do with it. I think that I am the opposite of what I thought I was, I love too easily. I just lacked awareness.
 

Kanra Jest

Av'ent'Gar'de ~
Joined
Jun 30, 2015
Messages
2,388
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
That little except is what made me reconsider my instinctual variants. I have never really cared about relationships etc, until one day I think I fell in love/realized I did before it was over. It changed my perspective entirely, my attitude, and my desires so much that I didn't know what to do with it. I think that I am the opposite of what I thought I was, I love too easily. I just lacked awareness.

Exactly. I can relate a lot. I wouldn't say I don't pay attention to love at all normally, but definitely not as much as my goals in life. Unless it hits me. Similarly. And it honestly, if it's a deep hit of actual love, it's a very freaky thing to deal with all of a sudden. Not being use to that type of intensity. The sheer vulnerability that is felt. The potential of fucking it up, or if there's more purer a possibility of fruitfulness to even come from it. Falling in love is rare, but when it happens. It's fecking nuts.
 

Earl Grey

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 3, 2017
Messages
4,910
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
583
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
Do you love an object? Like a car, or character in a game or a computer's keyboard, for example.

Might you mean attachment? Is it even possible to love an object?
 

Obfuscate

Permabanned
Joined
Aug 20, 2016
Messages
1,907
MBTI Type
iNtP
Enneagram
954
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
it sounds weird to say, but i just have to analyze it a long(ish) time... i think about why i am reacting to the person the way i am, if i am just seeking to fill a need, if i think the variety and depth of emotion is reciprocated, what the risks are to feeling love for them, how long have i potentially felt that way, etc... sometimes i think i am starting to love someone, but i will crush those feelings because it isn't a wise thing to do... i think i am a loving person, and i am not sure i like that... i attach easily, and sometimes i need to guard against the tendency... i guess that love has a lot to do with familiarity for me, so i do a lot of pruning... i think i mostly do that so i don't become anymore bitter or jaded than i am...

i doubt any of that helped, but that is the first step...

after that i just see if i remain invested over a period of time... if i do, it is love and i try to maintain it as best i can...

post script:

i am a nine, but i think my approach has a fair amount of influence from the five in my tritype...

post post script:

feelings are gross...
 

laintpe

Summer
Joined
Dec 9, 2008
Messages
635
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
Long-term worthwhile conversations, the ability to be independent at any time, and an easy/natural friendship-- what I think love is. All of that, in my experience, is extremely rare.

Hate dramatics and odd, attention-seeking gestures-- which come off as fake and/or manic. Having been legitimately hypomanic at one point in life, I sincerely think "love" [as defined by some] presents much like mania, which typically doesn't end well [in either scenario].


5w4. Not sure about the rest.
 
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