Beak's Contemporary Comedy Corner

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

Why do classics professors love baseball?

Because of all the homers.

Why did the entomologist want to bring dairy products on the plane?

Because he wanted to see the butter fly.

Why did Jim open up a bar near an interdenominational theology school?

Because he thought it would be a good place to learn a lot of jokes.

What is Satan's favorite section in the orchestra?

The horns.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

You’re a funny guy, Vulcan. That’s why I’m going to kill you last.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

You’re a funny guy, Vulcan. That’s why I’m going to kill you last.

I have clones.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

More movies need to open with fight sequences between crappy-looking CG scorpions.

The fact that this never become a trend is proof of the lack of vision in Hollywood.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

I demand a TV show where Dee Snider rooms with an evil clone of himself. It will be called (wait for it):

Twisted Sister, Twisted Sister.

Also for some reason, the clone's name is Captain Danger.

Also, Timecop, while a brilliant film on every level, failed to establish enough momentum for an entire series of Time-Profession movies.

Timejudge (about the judge from Timecop [the movie probably has a judge in it])
Timebusters (Ghostusters in Time... similar to Turtles in Time in some respects)
Timewaiter
Timejanitor
Timeteacher
Timestronaut
Timeshamus
TimeYankee (ripped off from Mark Twain)
Timepirate
Timeweatherman
Timenun
Timebaker
TimeRhymer(starring Iced T)
Timeweaver
Timepainter


Plot summaries / Hollywood pitches of at least some of these will be forthcoming.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

TimeCallGirl - she gives her clients a good time in any time

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

This is one a little piano student told me and I can't stop laughing...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

because he was depressed.