Do I have the talent to be playwright? Small sample inside....

[GarrotTheThief]

Self explanatory post. I'm an isolated person in that my friends are not interested in reading about plays so I ask you all who are kind enough and generous enough to read the following for your judgement. Cast the hammer down as hard but as honest as you can.

Setting: In the woods two travelers are having a conversation. The woods are dense and there is no civilization for miles. The two are moving between towns as Gypsies would in a Caravan except in this place, most people are Gypsies so there is no need for the word since more often than not it is the Landed Gentry who are sparse and far between.

Damien: I am a ruthless task master filled with 'ought's and ought not's.'

Mergo: And I am a hopeless wanderer.

Damien: I suppose together we are something more than each as one alone.

Mergo: I can't help but wonder, though, Damien, if there is but a third one with us here.

Damien: A ghost?
Mergo: Why yes, a ghost.
Damien: What sort of ghost?
Me: I sense a woman or a she-ghost.

(A woman emerges strutting from behind a giant rock. She has a rapier in a scabbard around her belt and she walks with deadly grace)
Woman:Yes. A white cow woman. A hurl-burly, buxom she wolf who has come to seduce. That kind of ghost gentlemen?


Mergo and Damien: (Silence)

Woman: Allow me to introduce myself. I am the sometimes amicable and sometimes ruthless Pale Moon Lady Queen and Vanguard of a small lake nearby.

Mergo: There are no lakes around here except for but some small p....

(Damien silences Mergo with a hand over his mouth)

Damien: Allow me to speak for my dysfunctional friend here...

Damien: (aside to Mergo in a whisper voice): Do you not see the rapier tucked by her side Mergo? Do you know how to even use a so much as a kitchen knife or throw a stone to scare a bird! Silence you moron.

 

[Cygnus]

Playwright? Why not TV shows? Why not movies? Why not comic books? Why not plots for video games, even?



But I digress. In terms of constructive criticism, shorter, comma-puncuated sentences would have a better, more segmented flow, allowing the reader to better process the information in small, logical chunks.

I notice you're dabbling in subtle character nuances, pairing a "man of oughts-and-ought-nots" with a "hopeless wanderer spirit," as if to suggest a relationship between characters who "complete" each other in ways, so kudos to you on that.

Basically, good start.

 

[Frosty]

Just work to develop it. Show other people in real life so that they can work with you one on one. Try to work on showing and not telling. You do seem to have that natural proclivity to capture subtle language, so keep at it. Your writing has the potential to be really engaging.

I like what you have though.

 

[GarrotTheThief]

Playwright? Why not TV shows? Why not movies? Why not comic books? Why not plots for video games, even?



But I digress. In terms of constructive criticism, shorter, comma-puncuated sentences would have a better, more segmented flow, allowing the reader to better process the information in small, logical chunks.

I notice you're dabbling in subtle character nuances, pairing a "man of oughts-and-ought-nots" with a "hopeless wanderer spirit," as if to suggest a relationship between characters who "complete" each other in ways, so kudos to you on that.

Basically, good start.

Thank you. I am really interested in this actually and I'm trying to find a way to express it so thank you.

- - - Updated - - -

Just work to develop it. Show other people in real life so that they can work with you one on one. Try to work on showing and not telling. You do seem to have that natural proclivity to capture subtle language, so keep at it. Your writing has the potential to be really engaging.

I like what you have though.

Thank you as well. I will try.

My problem with friends in real life is that none of them are into reading.

 

[GarrotTheThief]

Playwright? Why not TV shows? Why not movies? Why not comic books? Why not plots for video games, even?



But I digress. In terms of constructive criticism, shorter, comma-puncuated sentences would have a better, more segmented flow, allowing the reader to better process the information in small, logical chunks.

I notice you're dabbling in subtle character nuances, pairing a "man of oughts-and-ought-nots" with a "hopeless wanderer spirit," as if to suggest a relationship between characters who "complete" each other in ways, so kudos to you on that.

Basically, good start.

Forgot to say...I would consider T.V. and movies but that is a market dominated by a select few....as for video games and comic books, I think that is a wonderful suggestion and now I just remembered that it was actually preferable to a play, possibly...something that came to mind before in other words that you helped me recall. Thank you. This thread is already a tremendous relief for me.

 

[Nico_D]

The biggest problem with the sample is that it's more showing than telling, like Frosty said. In drama people can't tell who or what they are, that practically never, ever works. They just have to be. Everything is run forward by motivation of the protagonist and counter-motivation of the antagonist.

Well, except for the theater of absurd of which Beckett is the most prominent example.

The basic question is, what does the protagonist want? What he does trying to achieve that? And then you just put obstacles on his way until the required length is achieved. Roughly speaking.