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[Writing Blog] Fluffywolf's adventures in fiction land

Fluffywolf

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Update:

So, I've started to write something of a novel of sorts. Already 60 pages too. For anyone interested in reading it and commenting/critisizing it, the link is on the bottom of this post. I welcome any and all input!

Present tense instead of past tense
Although I am writing it in the present tense, even though it is not widely regarded as the proper way to write fiction, I am hoping that it gives a better perspective on the introverted thinking protagonist.
I tried writing it in past tense, but felt I couldn't get the essence of the protagonist across that way.

Story progression
27 july:
Although I started to write this story as a prologue to a larger story, I found the story did not develop as nicely as I wanted it to, without starting the main plot line. So I'm already heading towards that as we speak. Still, I find all the scenes written at the moment to be important for the reader to develop a bond with the characters and understand their personalities.



Here's a link for those interested.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/12kAFKsNUsFrpb3qAYuNXOgOAZ3cyVRkKxYs2hOTabK4/edit?pli=1
 
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acronach

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*interest*

will read this when I have time and i'll post with comments
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

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Awesome. Loved it.

I can't wait to see what happens when he returns to the room after his night at the tavern! But I'm impatient that way....lol. :blush:

It reads like a short story. You could make it longer by fleshing it out and making it all more detailed, with more character development along the way. The framework is awesome either way.


And nice outfit. Perfect. :smile:
 

Fluffywolf

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Awesome. Loved it.

I can't wait to see what happens when he returns to the room after his night at the tavern! But I'm impatient that way....lol. :blush:

Thanks a bunch!

And yeah, I was afraid that the interactions between the two was far more dominant than the interactions with the world, leading to people wanting to skip ahead of parts so to say. I am already afraid to leave her out of parts of the story as Kaynin goes out on his own. :tongue:
I suppose once I add some suspense into the story and thicken the plot that will be fine though.

It reads like a short story. You could make it longer by fleshing it out and making it all more detailed, with more character development along the way. The framework is awesome either way.


And nice outfit. Perfect. :smile:

Yeah, it's written pretty much from the perspective of Kaynin, I had this idea to switch chapters between Kaynin and Yelena's perspective, but due to the infancy of Yelena's character I had not been able to start with that yet. But I was thinking of making Yelena's perspective much thicker in information about the world and her surroundings, whilst Kaynin focuses more on his internal thoughts, and only notes facts of his surroundings when he finds it notable or relevant to his situation. The size of the inn, the falling of the leaves, the size of the towns.

But trying to find a good balance is pretty hard, without damaging the flow of the story too much. If it becomes too descriptive and focusing on the thoughts of Kaynin, the pace mght be too slow. But since I wanted to stay as true to MBTI as possible for him, trying to seep Kaynin's sensotardness through into the narrative is the intention though. I want the reader to really feel like he is in his shoes, but ofcourse, it still has to be descriptive enough for it to work.


And the outfit, glad you liked it. :D
Wondered if I might have went a bit overboard. But considering that this fantasy world has found itself in much the same state and relative peace for a long time. I figured fashion should be a large factor in the world to those with coin to spare.

Anyway, glad you enjoyed it. :)
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

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Thanks a bunch!

And yeah, I was afraid that the interactions between the two was far more dominant than the interactions with the world, leading to people wanting to skip ahead of parts so to say. I am already afraid to leave her out of parts of the story as Kaynin goes out on his own. :tongue:
I suppose once I add some suspense into the story and thicken the plot that will be fine though.



Yeah, it's written pretty much from the perspective of Kaynin, I had this idea to switch chapters between Kaynin and Yelena's perspective, but due to the infancy of Yelena's character I had not been able to start with that yet. But I was thinking of making Yelena's perspective much thicker in information about the world and her surroundings, whilst Kaynin focuses more on his internal thoughts, and only notes facts of his surroundings when he finds it notable or relevant to his situation. The size of the inn, the falling of the leaves, the size of the towns.

But trying to find a good balance is pretty hard, without damaging the flow of the story too much. If it becomes too descriptive and focusing on the thoughts of Kaynin, the pace mght be too slow. But since I wanted to stay as true to MBTI as possible for him, trying to seep Kaynin's sensotardness through into the narrative is the intention though. I want the reader to really feel like he is in his shoes, but ofcourse, it still has to be descriptive enough for it to work.


And the outfit, glad you liked it. :D
Wondered if I might have went a bit overboard. But considering that this fantasy world has found itself in much the same state and relative peace for a long time. I figured fashion should be a large factor in the world to those with coin to spare.

Anyway, glad you enjoyed it. :)


Ooh, yeah, you could do some sort of plot with her like the now-alpha male is obsessed with her and wants her at all costs--is hunting her down, etc. Put kaynin in some sticky spots he wasn't wanting/can't really handle without some other factor entering in, etc., :D sorry, can't help myself.

Peaceout!
 

Fluffywolf

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Ooh, yeah, you could do some sort of plot with her like the now-alpha male is obsessed with her and wants her at all costs--is hunting her down, etc. Put kaynin in some sticky spots he wasn't wanting/can't really handle without some other factor entering in, etc., :D sorry, can't help myself.

Peaceout!

I'm not going to touch her origins too early on, but that will eventually happen for sure. I'm already writing a part where Kaynin is getting into a sticky spot though. :tongue:
 

Fluffywolf

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After adding a few more pages, I proofread the current draft myself as best I could too. Still quite some small mistakes I had left in. :tongue:

And there are probably more present. I know I often have trouble using present and past tense properly, so I've been epsecially focusing to avoid that. But I tend to read over such mistakes easily without noticing them. :dry:
 

acronach

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it's great, loved it so far! Eager to read more.

I'm not going to touch her origins too early on, but that will eventually happen for sure. I'm already writing a part where Kaynin is getting into a sticky spot though. :tongue:

I feel like Kaynin would be really curious about it though, but you could have her just not want to talk about it. And ya, random dude walks up to a traveling trader at a bar and tries to sell him a cartload of weapons, nothing wrong with this scenario :3

After adding a few more pages, I proofread the current draft myself as best I could too. Still quite some small mistakes I had left in. :tongue:

ya, i did notice a minor spelling mistake on the top of page 5 "Kaynin’s words wouldn’t scare of a mouse"
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

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Suweet. Made me laugh in a couple places. You are really, really good at Yelena's innocence bouncing off Kaynin's exasperation! You haven't left anything out.

And I love how you address peeing and pooping. That was ALWAYS something that bothered me about stories....no one ever seemed to need to go to the bathroom! lol
 

acronach

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Suweet. Made me laugh in a couple places. You are really, really good at Yelena's innocence bouncing off Kaynin's exasperation! You haven't left anything out.

And I love how you address peeing and pooping. That was ALWAYS something that bothered me about stories....no one ever seemed to need to go to the bathroom! lol

agreement
 

Fluffywolf

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it's great, loved it so far! Eager to read more.



I feel like Kaynin would be really curious about it though, but you could have her just not want to talk about it. And ya, random dude walks up to a traveling trader at a bar and tries to sell him a cartload of weapons, nothing wrong with this scenario :3



ya, i did notice a minor spelling mistake on the top of page 5 "Kaynin’s words wouldn’t scare of a mouse"

Kaynin is curious about it. But like any INTP would, he would rather avoid sensative subjects until he feel more comfortable asking. ;)
For now, he is still trying to accustom to the situation at hand.
As for the weapons deal, I felt I had to bring in something that would more clearly explain that this world is far from perfect. Besides, they need to run into trouble soon or the story might feel too boring. :D
Also, good merchants can be picked out a crowd easily in this word based on the quality of their clothes. It's not something I've focused that much on. So people walking up to each other in taverns to do business is not an uncommon thing in this world.

Also, as will become more clear in the future. There isn't much love for the church. Kaynin uses its connections as a tool and power, but he shares little other connection to the church. No merchant ever really does. What's more important is the money that is to be made. :D

Thanks a lot anyway, and fixed the mistake, thanks. :D

Suweet. Made me laugh in a couple places. You are really, really good at Yelena's innocence bouncing off Kaynin's exasperation! You haven't left anything out.

And I love how you address peeing and pooping. That was ALWAYS something that bothered me about stories....no one ever seemed to need to go to the bathroom! lol

Haha, yes. I often dislike those things as well. The story might become too long because of it, but I think adding those scenario's only adds to the authenticity of the characters.
 

Fluffywolf

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And ya, random dude walks up to a traveling trader at a bar and tries to sell him a cartload of weapons, nothing wrong with this scenario :3

Anyhow, you do make a good point. I'm thinking about what I could add to explain it so it feels more natural that this event plays out.
 

Totenkindly

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still reading... one thing to fix is the tenses... pick present tense or past tense and stick with it.
 

Fluffywolf

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Addition made.

Also present tense if he thinks about something that happened just moments ago? I know I undoubtfully have made a few mistakes. But surely some past tenses are used correctly, since it is partly narrated through the thoughts of Kaynin himself.
 

Fluffywolf

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still reading... one thing to fix is the tenses... pick present tense or past tense and stick with it.

I'm sure I left in some error in that regard whihc I will try to find and remove. But there are times past tense would be okay right?

For example in this sentence:
"The pounding of his troubled heart will be sure to cause the earth to shatter beneath his feet. Looking down to the ground he realizes that thought was not a literal one."

Was in this sentence is correctly past tense, no? The thought no longer exists.

It is a kind of odd narrative style. I think I made it work though. :D
 

Totenkindly

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I'm sure I left in some error in that regard whihc I will try to find and remove. But there are times past tense would be okay right?

For example in this sentence:
"The pounding of his troubled heart will be sure to cause the earth to shatter beneath his feet. Looking down to the ground he realizes that thought was not a literal one."

Was in this sentence is correctly past tense, no? The thought no longer exists.

It is a kind of odd narrative style. I think I made it work though. :D

In this case, instead of was, I'd say, "Looking down to the ground, he realizes that this thought hadn't been a literal one." I think the 'was' and the 'is' interfere, where "hadn't" basically can be used as a part form of "isn't" without interfering with tense.

Most of the violations I'm talking about were less ambiguous and scattered throughout the text. It was enough that I kept getting jarred out of the writing, which isn't something you want to have happen -- you want people to forget they are reading.
 

Fluffywolf

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In this case, instead of was, I'd say, "Looking down to the ground, he realizes that this thought hadn't been a literal one." I think the 'was' and the 'is' interfere, where "hadn't" basically can be used as a part form of "isn't" without interfering with tense.

Most of the violations I'm talking about were less ambiguous and scattered throughout the text. It was enough that I kept getting jarred out of the writing, which isn't something you want to have happen -- you want people to forget they are reading.

Aye definately. Thanks for the tip. I started this just to get some pointers as to how the story was evolving and such but since there seems to be quite some animo, I've just made more additions. I should focus for a while on correcting all the errors, and not post an addition until I've properly proofread it. Since I myself pretty much automatically read over most mistakes, I have to stop and disect every sentence though. This is were it becomes rather obvious my english is largely self taught on the internet. :D

But yeah, 'tis important. *puts on glasses*

edit: After doing the first page, you weren't joking! Damn I left a lot of the past tense mistakes in. Even when I tried to focus on preventing making those. :D
 

Totenkindly

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I hesitate to make too many comments like that, because I don't want to bog you down.

Basically, just jot it down on a piece of paper, and meanwhile keep pushing through your draft. you can catch them all later.
 

Fluffywolf

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I hesitate to make too many comments like that, because I don't want to bog you down.

Basically, just jot it down on a piece of paper, and meanwhile keep pushing through your draft. you can catch them all later.

True, but since I've got to go to Austria tomorrow, I'll just focus on fixing what I have so far (to be honest, it isn't taking all that long. I'm already on, cough, page 6.)
 

Fluffywolf

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The currently posted story is now proofread!

If you still see grammar or spelling mistakes, please let me know.

From now on I will also proofread every new addition to the best of my ability before posting it.
 
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