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  1. #1
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    Default Two older women I manage keep fighting each other and trying to drag me into it

    What will send a good clear message that I just want them to leave each other alone and their work? I said that already and a day later they were fighting again. One is a 56 year old white lady who has a lot of money because she divorced Ryan Erxleben the Sports Hero, and the other is a 68 year old black lady from a poor background who is a widow of 20 years. I work well with each one on one, but when they are together, they keep fighting and trying to get me to pick a side, and the innanities they want me to referee are rediculous.
    @Starry, what is your experience in managing older immature educated women?


    EDIT: The black one, who was already a known troublemaker, got fired after she did a few truly outrageous things that were bad even for her: She flashed me, punched the other paraprofessional I lead that I mentioned in the thread (the rich white lady), and assaulted a student. She also had an altercation with somebody in Walmart while wearing a school shirt. She's out, now, so this thread is now more focused on the rich white lady.
    Last edited by Avocado; 10-21-2018 at 03:35 PM.

  2. #2
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    I’m only going to come up with a wise-ass answer so, I’ll just pass
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  3. #3
    A Bittersweet Symphony... The Mysterious Stranger's Avatar
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    Got an employee handbook handy? Serious question.
    I am but a dream--
    Your dream,
    A creature of your imagination...


    We're all Faery Tales; after a fashion,
    Our stories unfolding around us...
    and through us...



    In a moment you will have realized this,
    then you will banish me from your visions
    and I shall dissolve into the nothingness out of which you made me...


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    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    What are they fighting about? It could be a communication problem. It could be that they hate each other's guts. I think you need to figure out what their problem is first if you're to solve it.
    4w5 sp/sx EII
    Fear less, love more, be the change you want to see in the world.
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    darkened dreams Ravenetta's Avatar
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    So sorry you are dealing with this @Avocado
    I'm not good at giving advice on managing people, but I do know there is a principle in psychology, "if you want to extinguish a behavior, give it no attention."

    I realize you may need to take the employee handbook approach and talk it through to establish the boundaries, but in the details of interaction, in the moment when they come up to you, you could actually ignore them and simply refuse to respond.
    It's entirely possible and realistic to live your life in such a way that you don't accidentally rape people.
    I'd rather be a fool than be dismissive.
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  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    What are they fighting about? It could be a communication problem. It could be that they hate each other's guts. I think you need to figure out what their problem is first if you're to solve it.
    They are making catty comments to each other about how the other is not working as hard as they are and that they are looking at them. Its very childish and shocking to see in educated older women.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gentleman Jack View Post
    Got an employee handbook handy? Serious question.
    I need to get it and start following its suggestions. I’ve tried the informal approach and it failed, so I guess I need to see what’s next. I was hoping I could settle it informally.
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  9. #9
    A Bittersweet Symphony... The Mysterious Stranger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Avocado View Post
    I need to get it and start following its suggestions. I’ve tried the informal approach and it failed, so I guess I need to see what’s next. I was hoping I could settle it informally.
    It's entirely possible that you can its just a good idea to have a familiarity with it so if you cant you can honestly say i used the handbook as a guide. Its more to cover your own back.
    I am but a dream--
    Your dream,
    A creature of your imagination...


    We're all Faery Tales; after a fashion,
    Our stories unfolding around us...
    and through us...



    In a moment you will have realized this,
    then you will banish me from your visions
    and I shall dissolve into the nothingness out of which you made me...

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  10. #10

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    In all seriousness you have asked nicely that they act like adults and that failed. So now you need to assert your authority. You don’t need to be a dick but you do need to be firm. I don’t enjoy repeating myself, especially after I’ve tried to be cordial and diplomatic. That was me being respectful. Not listening to my request is disrespectful.

    If people disrespect you initially when you’re being reasonable, they will most likely continue to do so. Be fair and be reasonable where possible, but be firm when you need to be. No one respects a raging asshole but the same can be said about a pushover.

    The message would be stop bickering. I (you) evaluate your work as individuals. You don’t evaluate each other. Be honest and impartial. Make it clear that you don’t play favorites.
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