so indifferent right now

[magpie]

I used to like to write stories, but after 4 years or so, I'm bored with that. Now my only real hobby is playing the Pathfinder version of Dungeons and Dragons on a forum called Giant in the Playground. That's almost all I do when I'm not eating, sleeping, working, or going to school. I will mention at this point I love trying new food, and will come along with whoever if there is food involved.

I agree with what people have been saying about taking some time off (if you feel financially able to) and having some life experiences, as cliche as that is. Try to spend time out and about, discovering what you enjoy doing. If nothing comes of it, you can always continue your current major from where you left off. I asked what you enjoyed doing because I was wondering if there was anything you liked that you could continue studying in school, and it does sound like there are plenty of things you like that would make interesting majors. You could see if a creative writing or English major might rekindle your passion for writing. You could get a chef certificate by doing a training program. You could even go into graphic design or computer science. Play to what you enjoy and make it into a strength.

 

[Forever_Jung]

I think you could use some more experience in your bank to find your passion and get perspective. Traveling is always good, but I also think volunteer work is very underrated. Talk to different people, work an unusual job, go to the theatre, learn a new skill, you just need some seasoning Kwan!

 

[Avocado]

I think you could use some more experience in your bank to find your passion and get perspective. Traveling is always good, but I also think volunteer work is very underrated. Talk to different people, work an unusual job, go to the theatre, learn a new skill, you just need some seasoning Kwan!

I might try that. According to my doctor and therapist, I have dysthymia, so that could be a factor as well.

 

[Forever_Jung]

I might try that. According to my doctor and therapist, I have dysthymia, so that could be a factor as well.

I'm not saying I have the same problems as you, but I went through the whole "maybe you have dysthymia" thing with various mental health professionals, and at least in my case, lifestyle changes helped a lot. Helping out others in various capacities, exercising and eating properly, and finding meaning in my work. I just turned 25, and I've only recently figured out what I want from school, and I wish I hadn't wasted so much time forcing myself through programs I didn't want to be in.

 

[gromit]

I think you could use some more experience in your bank to find your passion and get perspective. Traveling is always good, but I also think volunteer work is very underrated. Talk to different people, work an unusual job, go to the theatre, learn a new skill, you just need some seasoning Kwan!

Yeah volunteering and things alike that are great! New perspectives meet new people, learn about things you didn't even know existed. I also recommend seeing if you can "shadow" different professionals if there's something you think you might be interested in but don't really know what it entails. I did that when I was making a career change and it let me see what I was getting into.

 

[Avocado]

Yeah volunteering and things alike that are great! New perspectives meet new people, learn about things you didn't even know existed. I also recommend seeing if you can "shadow" different professionals if there's something you think you might be interested in but don't really know what it entails. I did that when I was making a career change and it let me see what I was getting into.

At this point, work is really just a source of income. I'd prefer to avoid dealing with fine details and procedures, as I can only do that competently if given at least time-and-a-half on tasks of that sort. Compared to others at the same experience level as I am, my fastest speed is about 2/3 of their 'normal' speed, and I'm actually most comfortable going much slower. Also, when I switch tasks, if I didn't totay complete the previous task, I forget about it and never get back to it. Basically, I can handle detail work, but only if given generous time and privacy.

Ironically, the best jobs for me would probably be based on comforting people and giving kind words. I have an aptitude for that, even if it tires me and I feel a little jaded. 1-on-1 counseling, maybe.

 

[Cellmold]

[MENTION=18694]Magic Qwan[/MENTION]

You sound so much like myself in the apathy towards these issues of work. Obviously I'm not you, essential differences will dictate that.

But I really would like to produce a clear answer, though I probably can't. I always felt there were so many viable avenues that no choice could be fulfilling. So I procrastinate instead, but then that means external forces make the choice for me and I found I didn't really like it.

My perception of yourself is that there are a lot of fundamental issues with uncertainty and feeling unsure towards the future, perhaps an influence of a heavy weighted past.
Confidence isn't an inherency, it's a resource and going back to my procrastinating; the force of what I disliked was what made me realise I was idealising my choices when really the dissatisfaction was my expectation. So I had to make choices and recognise their limitations and so my limitations in my idealising.

Basically each active decision made it easier and quicker and me more confident. Not that the choice needs rushing but it does need deciding.

If I were with you I'd try stuff out with you; I think you would maybe enjoy some company in your choices. Perhaps that would only work for me though; I would have liked some.

 

[Avocado]

Life is doing things you don't want to please people you don't like in order to achieve goals you have no personal interest in.

 

[tkae.]

I can continue my sociology major I am doing well with but am indifferent towards, or I could switch to an engineering program I will also not really care about. I suppose I could teach and have the same schedule as a potential family and have plenty of time for self-analysis, though I have no real interest in teaching beyond the promise of time off and the fact it pays more than my current trade-job, which already pays enough. If I taught, I would never have to worry about money because I don't consume much. I don't do much other than what I am asked anyway, since the only thing worse than dragging myself up to interact with somebody or do something is having to deal with some conflict of face some sort of negative consequence. What do y'all think?

There's a few myths you're basing this on.

If you're teaching, you will never have enough money and you will never have time off, regardless of what level of teaching you pursue.

If it's K-12 teaching, you absolutely will have no money and will have only slightly more time off. Your summer breaks will be "off", but you'll still have professional skills training over the summer, lesson planning, etc. During the year you'll be slammed. You have to want to teach, or you will be have the soul sucked from you in minutes.

If you're talking about higher ed teaching, you'll have even less than no money and even less time off, unless you're fine with never advancing. Lecturer pay is below minimum wage with no benefits. Case in point, my friend who taught some Freshman Comp classes had to buy her own $100 parking ticket, got no health insurance, got $2k total for teaching those three classes, and didn't get any more classes to teach in Spring as Freshman dropped out. If you want to advance past lecturer, you have to enter the rat race of tenure track, which isn't as much a rat race as a gladiatorial competition for what they see (i.e. you) as being a slightly more advanced rodent. You'll have to publish, have to research, have to get good teaching evaluations, have to play the political game, and even then you'll not be making great money. And once you get tenure? You're set with benefits and decent vacation time, but the pay is still pretty shit and you're still teaching classes. And you'll never escape the politics.

Engineering will pay more and be a much more stable job. But like any job you don't enjoy, it will also suck the life out of you.

Therapists and doctors like their fancy words. Dysthmia is just depression or general unhappiness that they can't figure out how to fix, so they assume it's something wrong with you and not something wrong with them. It sounds to me like you need to find something you love in life instead of resigning yourself to two bad options that you know aren't right for you, but you're posturing yourself to pick the lesser of the two evils. What are you passionate about? What could you see yourself doing every day for the rest of your life? What do you want to be?

Maybe changing therapists to someone with a model that can help you answer those questions better would be worthwhile. An Adlerian or an existential therapist, maybe. But even if you don't do that, I think you need to look at what you want in life. The point of gen ed in college is to help people who are in exactly the same situation as you maybe find another path.

Just keep going back to the question of where you want to be going. What do you want to be before you die?

 

[Avocado]

There's a few myths you're basing this on.

If you're teaching, you will never have enough money and you will never have time off, regardless of what level of teaching you pursue.

If it's K-12 teaching, you absolutely will have no money and will have only slightly more time off. Your summer breaks will be "off", but you'll still have professional skills training over the summer, lesson planning, etc. During the year you'll be slammed. You have to want to teach, or you will be have the soul sucked from you in minutes.

If you're talking about higher ed teaching, you'll have even less than no money and even less time off, unless you're fine with never advancing. Lecturer pay is below minimum wage with no benefits. Case in point, my friend who taught some Freshman Comp classes had to buy her own $100 parking ticket, got no health insurance, got $2k total for teaching those three classes, and didn't get any more classes to teach in Spring as Freshman dropped out. If you want to advance past lecturer, you have to enter the rat race of tenure track, which isn't as much a rat race as a gladiatorial competition for what they see (i.e. you) as being a slightly more advanced rodent. You'll have to publish, have to research, have to get good teaching evaluations, have to play the political game, and even then you'll not be making great money. And once you get tenure? You're set with benefits and decent vacation time, but the pay is still pretty shit and you're still teaching classes. And you'll never escape the politics.

Engineering will pay more and be a much more stable job. But like any job you don't enjoy, it will also suck the life out of you.

Therapists and doctors like their fancy words. Dysthmia is just depression or general unhappiness that they can't figure out how to fix, so they assume it's something wrong with you and not something wrong with them. It sounds to me like you need to find something you love in life instead of resigning yourself to two bad options that you know aren't right for you, but you're posturing yourself to pick the lesser of the two evils. What are you passionate about? What could you see yourself doing every day for the rest of your life? What do you want to be?

Maybe changing therapists to someone with a model that can help you answer those questions better would be worthwhile. An Adlerian or an existential therapist, maybe. But even if you don't do that, I think you need to look at what you want in life. The point of gen ed in college is to help people who are in exactly the same situation as you maybe find another path.

Just keep going back to the question of where you want to be going. What do you want to be before you die?

I want to be happy.

When I wrote my first book, I somewhat enjoyed it, though it was difficult and I have only ever broke even since I published it. I get about as much back as I pay to market it each month, both of which are less and less. I got a small taste of animation in high school before my mother took me out of that class and loved it. I didn't get to finish the class because my mother said I talked about it too much and animation is for low-lives. The thing is, I had never been exposed to animation before, but I was the star student in that class, and took to it very quickly. My work was always used as an example for the rest of the class and I was praised often. My mother's negative opinions about animation echo in my head when I think about it, but I personally liked it.

 

[Avocado]

At this point, in the absence of anything I really want to do, money is my only motivator. That ,and trying not to feel sick all the time. I have many health problems, half of which could go away with lifestyle changes that I can never seem to stick to.

 

[Avocado]

If I could just sit and meditate all day and still have my biological needs met, that's what I would want.

 

[Typh0n]

[MENTION=18694]The Wailing Specter[/MENTION] what is it you want to do? Is there something you want to do deep down, or do you feel indifferent to everything?

 

[Avocado]

[MENTION=18694]The Wailing Specter[/MENTION] what is it you want to do? Is there something you want to do deep down, or do you feel indifferent to everything?

I the only desire I have is to eat when I'm hungry and sleep when I'm tired. Otherwise, I just want peace and quiet and not to have to worry about anything. The only reason I'm sticking with teaching is it is better than not having a job and every other job I've thought of sounds worse.

Edit: Though I will say this: I feel like I should want to produce something or have a passion, but I don't. At this point, I just want to make sure my bills are paid, I have job security, and I'm not too overworked.

 

[Snickie]

I'm in a very similar situation as you. I'm currently a Music Performance and Mathematics dual degree candidate and am only a piece of paperwork from dropping the maths because I've figured out that theoretical maths is not what I want to do. That said, I don't know what I do want to do. I'm pretty well aware of my strengths as well as fields that don't interest me on a potentially professional level.

For example I have zero interest in teaching, apart from some perceived as necessary private theory tutoring to lessen the strain of private school financial woes, which I do during the school year. Unfortunately for me, a huge part of most music majors' lives is teaching applied private lessons while maybe only performing on the weekends, unless you're really really good. Like your mom with animation, my mom doesn't see music performance as a viable career (although she does enjoy listening to me perform).

The difference is that, in middle and high school at least and maybe even now, band/music was the only thing that provided me with anything resembling a social life, something with which I have struggled all my life, and my parents didn't want to take that away from me. I went to the music camps and got the nice instruments and took the lessons and got into the honor bands and at the time I was really into it. Now I'm bored with it, or maybe I'm just lazy.

For a short list of other things that have interested me, there's maths, medical sciences, and visual 2D art (which could translate to animation if I get good/disciplined enough). I've also considered going into music arrangement since I have a pretty good ear. Also computer programming, though I have very little experience in that while all the CSCI majors around me seem to have been doing it since before they were potty trained. I'm very good at shooting down ideas. Linguistics would be fun too.

My mom thinks I should go into computer science. I'd only need a bachelor's and I could walk into a job with a six-digit starting salary. And I wouldn't have to interact with a bunch of people all the time.



Of course there's the other option which would be to marry someone rich and be a housewife. But that would require a complete reworking of my personality that could probably only be accomplished through a lobotomy and hormone therapy.



I'm going to follow this thread and maybe I'll see some suggestions that'll help. In the meantime I'm going to some decision-making seminar and if I hear anything good I'll pass it on.

 

[Avocado]

I'm in a very similar situation as you. I'm currently a Music Performance and Mathematics dual degree candidate and am only a piece of paperwork from dropping the maths because I've figured out that theoretical maths is not what I want to do. That said, I don't know what I do want to do. I'm pretty well aware of my strengths as well as fields that don't interest me on a potentially professional level.

For example I have zero interest in teaching, apart from some perceived as necessary private theory tutoring to lessen the strain of private school financial woes, which I do during the school year. Unfortunately for me, a huge part of most music majors' lives is teaching applied private lessons while maybe only performing on the weekends, unless you're really really good. Like your mom with animation, my mom doesn't see music performance as a viable career (although she does enjoy listening to me perform).

The difference is that, in middle and high school at least and maybe even now, band/music was the only thing that provided me with anything resembling a social life, something with which I have struggled all my life, and my parents didn't want to take that away from me. I went to the music camps and got the nice instruments and took the lessons and got into the honor bands and at the time I was really into it. Now I'm bored with it, or maybe I'm just lazy.

For a short list of other things that have interested me, there's maths, medical sciences, and visual 2D art (which could translate to animation if I get good/disciplined enough). I've also considered going into music arrangement since I have a pretty good ear. Also computer programming, though I have very little experience in that while all the CSCI majors around me seem to have been doing it since before they were potty trained. I'm very good at shooting down ideas. Linguistics would be fun too.

My mom thinks I should go into computer science. I'd only need a bachelor's and I could walk into a job with a six-digit starting salary. And I wouldn't have to interact with a bunch of people all the time.



Of course there's the other option which would be to marry someone rich and be a housewife. But that would require a complete reworking of my personality that could probably only be accomplished through a lobotomy and hormone therapy.



I'm going to follow this thread and maybe I'll see some suggestions that'll help. In the meantime I'm going to some decision-making seminar and if I hear anything good I'll pass it on.

I went to a decision making seminar 3 years ago. They assured me that nobody ever left without making their mind up. By then end, I had proven them wrong.

 

[Snickie]

I went to a decision making seminar 3 years ago. They assured me that nobody ever left without making their mind up. By then end, I had proven them wrong.

How encouraging.. Thank you for the vote of confidence.