Homophobic ENTJ at work. How do I deal with it?

[braziljoe]

I won't quit my job, this would be the THIRD time I would do that because of harassment in the last 2 years! I also won't find a job that pays that well soon.
I also don't find the HR idea very plausible, as HR here in Brazil is not your friend, and most HRs are weak and looked down by the senior managers here (I've heard similar stories about HR in the US) and I can see the HR's crabby estj female manager (yes, estj HR manager! can you imagine that?) sided with the bully and seeing me as the victim deserving of punishment.
Yesterday I didn't go there to buy food, but the guy keeps staring me.
I think I'm going to take some antidepressants before going to work.

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

If I was in your position I would take care of the problem myself, but that seems like its not much of an option for you.

Don't get mad.

Get even.

 

[pinkgraffiti]

wow, what was that last sentence? don't do that, this situation is not your fault, you shouldn't have to self-punish yourself (by taking drugs). please dont play the victim, stand firm by your principles.
I repeat, your personal life is distinct from your work life. you should not have to justify yourself or any part of your personality at work. the only thing relevant during work times is that you're good at your work. this is why i tell you to be as unpersonal as possible with this person.
secondly, stay on guard, keep yourself as informed as possible on your rights at work and be prepared to act the next time you are disrespected. if you cant go to HR, talk to your manager. find the legislation. arethere any laws against homophobic behaviour at work in brazil? Dilma is a cool human being, she must have passed some laws, or?
many hugs, i am very sympathetic to your situation, being queer myself.
um beijinho, amigo força ai!

I think I'm going to take some antidepressants before going to work.

 

[pinkgraffiti]

No estado de São Paulo, a lei estadual 10.948/2001 estabelece multas e outras penas para a discriminação contra homossexuais, bissexuais e transgêneros. São puníveis pessoas, organizações e empresas, privadas ou públicas (art. 3º). A lei proíbe, em razão da orientação sexual (art. 2º): violências, constrangimentos e intimidações, sejam morais, éticas, filosóficas ou psicológicas; a vedação de ingresso a locais públicos ou privados abertos ao público; selecionar o atendimento; impedir ou sobretaxar a hospedagem em hotéis ou motéis, assim como a compra, venda ou locação de imóveis; demitir do emprego ou inibir a admissão. A lei também pune quem "proibir a livre expressão e manifestação de afetividade", se estas forem permitidas aos demais cidadãos. As penalidades são as seguintes (art. 6º): advertência; multa de 1000 a 3000 Ufesp (unidade fiscal), ou até 10 vezes mais para grandes estabelecimentos; suspensão ou cassação da licença estadual de funcionamento; além de punições administrativas (art. 7º) para as discriminações praticadas por servidores públicos estaduais no exercício de suas funções[64][65].
(wikipedia)

And there is also something called PLC122 Link but I dont understand if it has been approved or not.
But then you should also have internal rules at your office, so check those.

 

[braziljoe]

[MENTION=5684]Elfboy[/MENTION]

Should we change to be accepted? Every job I've had there were fat, ugly, old, dumb, weird people, and they all were left alone. The only people I've really seen harassed were homosexuals and black people. And when I say harassed, I mean big things such as being fired, disciplined more harshly than others, etc.
In my country there's a project of law that is awaiting for ten years to be voted in the national congress that protects gay people from harassment (and which includes even arrest to up 4 years to those who discriminates gay people at work).
Recently, there have been various random attacks to gay people (in the streets, by neo-nazi, white-power groups) and those attacks gained media attention, especially in the last year. Somehow, I have the feeling that people are introjecting those news and are feeling entitled to rebel against the now common sense that aggression toward gay people is nonsense. Just like when racism became so taboo, and a crime, and people used to even spit on black people in the streets just to prove themselves that they weren't afraid of being punished for that.

 

[prplchknz]

[MENTION=5684]Elfboy[/MENTION]

Should we change to be accepted? Every job I've had there were fat, ugly, old, dumb, weird people, and they all were left alone. The only people I've really seen harassed were homosexuals and black people. And when I say harassed, I mean big things such as being fired, disciplined more harshly than others, etc.
In my country there's a project of law that is awaiting for ten years to be voted in the national congress that protects gay people from harassment (and which includes even arrest to up 4 years to those who discriminates gay people at work).
Recently, there have been various random attacks to gay people (in the streets, by neo-nazi, white-power groups) and those attacks gained media attention, especially in the last year. Somehow, I have the feeling that people are introjecting those news and are feeling entitled to rebel against the now common sense that aggression toward gay people is nonsense. Just like when racism became so taboo, and a crime, and people used to even spit on black people in the streets just to prove themselves that they weren't afraid of being punished for that.

honestly my 2 cents that mean nothing because i;m only one person. People shouldn't have to change if they're life style doesn't harm anyone else. and I don't see how being attracted to the same sex or having sex with men because you're a man is harmful to me. I really don't, I never understood homophobes. Because at the end of the day what you do is your business as long as its with a consenting adult.

 

[Elfboy]

[MENTION=5684]Elfboy[/MENTION]

Should we change to be accepted? Every job I've had there were fat, ugly, old, dumb, weird people, and they all were left alone. The only people I've really seen harassed were homosexuals and black people. And when I say harassed, I mean big things such as being fired, disciplined more harshly than others, etc.
In my country there's a project of law that is awaiting for ten years to be voted in the national congress that protects gay people from harassment (and which includes even arrest to up 4 years to those who discriminates gay people at work).
Recently, there have been various random attacks to gay people (in the streets, by neo-nazi, white-power groups) and those attacks gained media attention, especially in the last year. Somehow, I have the feeling that people are introjecting those news and are feeling entitled to rebel against the now common sense that aggression toward gay people is nonsense. Just like when racism became so taboo, and a crime, and people used to even spit on black people in the streets just to prove themselves that they weren't afraid of being punished for that.

I'm not saying change to be accepted, I'm saying that, sometimes, flying under the radar aid's in one's safety. I admire your courage, but that courage has obviously caused you a world of problems that I myself have never had to experience being in the closet. good luck whatever happens to you, but know that there is an easier option. hang in there

 

[The Great One]

Oh, great, I really could see myself punching an entj!

I almost got into a fist fight with an ENTJ one time. That was fun.

 

[braziljoe]

TheGreatOne

Almost? What stopped you from punching him/her? Fear?

 

[Nicodemus]

A delicate situation.

Could you convince the manager that witnessed the first confrontation to sit down with you and the asshole and have a little chat while making it seem as though it had been the manager's idea to do so? That chat, if it can be had, should be held in the most polite of terms and without the use of threats. It should be a nice talk about how you feel and why you would like him to stop. You can ask if you can do something to resolve the apparent tension between the two of you. After that, whatever action he takes against you must be considered a result of unreasonable hate. The manager, having been witness to the quasi-contract of kindness that you indirectly entered into during the conversation, would then feel pressed to act on his own. The asshole, if fired as a consequence, has only himself to blame. If not himself, he is likely to blame the manager before you.

 

[figsfiggyfigs]

Omg you guys are so mean towards the ENTJ.

 

[miss fortune]

ever thought of recording what he says and the looks that he gives you? most cell phones have video recording as one of the camera options and it could give you a much better leg to stand on if you decide to sue him or if anything happens... just a suggestion

 

[The Great One]

TheGreatOne

Almost? What stopped you from punching him/her? Fear?

No I worked in a big office, and we incorporated several small services into one large business that was designed to help small businesses to grow. The ENTJ pissed me off and was conducting a large sales meeting in the room next door. Anyway, he was getting too loud so I asked him to keep it down. He got offended and acted like he wanted to fight me. I kept my anger under control, because otherwise I would have been fired.

 

[braziljoe]

The Great One

It seems that even if you were the one who didn't continue to fight, the ENTJ was the one ho got the credits for not fighting (as if it is was an event, even a favor he was doing to you for not fighting back due to his aggressive nature).

Man, and people like that are revered by their subordinates.

 

[braziljoe]

YWIR - No one is being mean towards him, what would you do if you were in this situation?

 

[braziljoe]

whatever


I've thought about that, but I would have to be with the cellphone in my hands and people would see that and it's expressively forbidden to use cellphones indoors, so.
I've thought about getting an invisible camera.

 

[The Great One]

The Great One

It seems that even if you were the one who didn't continue to fight, the ENTJ was the one ho got the credits for not fighting (as if it is was an event, even a favor he was doing to you for not fighting back due to his aggressive nature).

Man, and people like that are revered by their subordinates.

He brought way more money to the company than I, so I knew the main boss would wind up firing me and not the other guy. Therefore, I just backed off.

 

[braziljoe]

Anyway, I'm not saying that the ENTJ is the devil, but that he's the devil towards me because..... well I exist! Sometimes it's hard to keep moving on with your life when people hate you for nothing at all. Like I said before, I've never even said hi to him before and he keeps pressing my buttons.

Every job I've had I've faced similar situations. Just to notice, at my first job, I've had an estj female manager once who cut work from me and punished me with work below my skills because the team I was working with and I traveled to another state to do training and I became friends with a gay colleague there and people started gossiping about us having an affair, which was not the case. When we returned from our training, the said manager treated me like crap and I was clueless about what was going on. A few months later, she told me she did that to me for me not to handle the situation and being humiliated so I would have to ask to leave and she wouldn't have to pay my work legal fines from unlawful firing because I had an affair with another man when we were doing our training. OMG, I've traveled with another six straight people, some of them even married, and they all had affairs, sex, with people they've known there and I just talked to another gay man and the gossip that follow made she want to fire me.

The same estj female manager, a few months later, when I already have changed jobs, I found at a gay club with... a girl.

Life is weird.

 

[ygolo]

Frankly, I am not sure what recourse you have in Brazil.

You could look into the law that [MENTION=13377]pinkgraffiti[/MENTION] linked. (http://www.plc122.com.br/#axzz1ugSt6Yde)

Sorry about the lack of advice. Bullying is horrible in all its forms.

Here are some supportive messages from others in similar situations (both adults and children):
http://www.antibullying.net/messagesofsupport2.htm

 

[Klondike Pete]

braziljoe, Your manager should leave his homophobia at home. There is NO place for it in the workplace. Is there anyone higher up that you could report this to?