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Homophobic ENTJ at work. How do I deal with it?

Santosha

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As I was passing by his island, the ENTJ man was with a group of friends, and at the right point I was passed by him, he started talking about when he studied in another country and he used to beat gay people there, and he made a really loud comment saying that our company is being "infested" by gay people and he would like to exterminate them all.It really pushed my buttons, and I turned around and said: "me?". This was enough to make him irate and he started babbling about not talking to me, but to his friends while I was passing by, and that I'm paranoid, etc. His friends started asking him to shut up, but he didn't stop and was getting really angry to the point of almost hitting me.
I continued walking my way to the manager and the manager told me not to take that situation personally, and I told him that it wasn't the first time that kind of thing has happened and I was full of it.

My issue is in the bolded. Based on how you described this, it seems that the manager is already very aware of having a loose-cannon employee and a hostile work environment on his hands. What concerns me is that typically as soon as this occured in a well regulated, zero-tolerance company, the employee would have been written-up if not terminated (after the paperwork went through HR). It leads me to believe that you may not have the support network or legal ramifications that you should have.

If this issue comes down to safety, your safety is #1. It is trajic and intolerable that these kind of work conditions could exist, but I hope that if you genuinely feel physical threat and do not have appropriate saftey-nets in place to ensure your well-being, you leave.
 

Elisius

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I only read the first page but: I'm with DiscoBiscuit. Get armed, get him fired, if he bothers you more, fuck him up. Some people don't deserve the kid gloves society makes us wear. It will feel VERY satisfying to put that bigot on his ass.
 

CzeCze

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Luckily the ENTJs friends and your boss sound more sensible. If your employer doesn't want a lawsuit, they will make sure no one is being harassed at work, especially for "protected status" like being gay, born in a foreign country, etc.

If Zi were you I would document everything he's said to you and NEVER let even 1 overt comment slide. Talk to your manager, talk to HR, document those meetings. Tell them that they need to make sure you are safe at work. Have them move either you or him so you don't cross paths so much, but make sure it is not a punishment or downgrade for you.

If your workplace is legit they will speak to him to control his behavior..

Oh wait, you are in Brazil? I am not familiar with the labor laws there. :p I would say for this guy who is homophobic act totally unruffled whenever he says anything. play dumb like you don't realize he's talking to you. Always speak in the the third person like "that's too bad that you hate gay people, some of my favorite musicians are gay!" or something like that. He will get tired once he sees he can't incite a reaction from you. Never ever show fear or tension, always seem relaxed and slightly bored by him.

I would say for some people direct confrontation works but if that's not your style than go the above route ^^. [MENTION=204]FineLine[/MENTION] has some good advice about the "pedantic cop" routine that could work if you have to work directly with him and he gives you a hard time.

Otherwise I'd you don't actually work with him document everything he does and says, keep telling the managers, and act completely bored at his comments.

I feel like in the states the fact he's bragged about beating up gays and is staring you down would b enough to get in Big Trouble at work.
 

CzeCze

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[MENTION=7765]braziljoe[/MENTION]

and this is why I am not openly gay in real life.
all I can say is, in the future, I don't think being openly gay is a good idea unless you decide to move to a much more tolerant area (such as California in the United States). in the mean time, I would suggest switching jobs if you have the option

Say what?? You're closeted off the forum?

Again [MENTION=7765]braziljoe[/MENTION] I am not familiar with Brazilian labor law but If it is in line with Latin American machismo which informs strong socially accepted homophobia...sounds like an uphill battle. if homophobis is more accepted and even encouraged (sounds like it) even though legally it is frowned upon, you're going to have to resort to more "go with the flow" tactics if raising a big stink is not what you want to do right now.

I don't think you should have to change jobs over this bs. You'll never stop switching jobs if that's the case. You have to make a stand. Even if it gets you fired. However, it's up to you to figure out what that stand is. You deserve dignity in the wok place.

It sounds like your manager is sympathetic to you if not openly anti-homophobe. I think the advice I gave about acting bored and not engaging with the bully will help on a one on one level, but for things to really change you need to keep escalating or find a way to reach your manager. If you are fearing for your physical safety whether or not the management takes homophobes seriously I think in any country they'd take workplace violence seriously?

Also, continue to strengthen your friendships at work. Do NOT withdraw from other people. Just bc this guy is a homophobic bully doesn't mean that everyone else at work is like that. Form friendships with people at work and let it be seen publicly by the bully that you are part of the company social fabrics. This will also get him off your back s little and cause him to be more careful about what he says.

When you do interact with him and he gives you trouble play the "pedantic cop" and when you initiate contact, be neutral and cordial until he starts giving you problems. When he keeps staring at you meet his gaze for several seconds and then look away calmly. Don't ever show fear, anxiety, or stress to him.

Thats what you do to his face. The real change work is done behind the scenes by making your managers stop him
 

braziljoe

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Ok, just to update my situation. I've not seen the guy for a while mainly because I don't buy food from the manager anymore (Yes, I'm sort of running away, but in the long term, it's the best choice). The last time I've seen the entj guy, I've looked right into his eyes and I did not express any feeling: he seemed confused.
For those who talked about PL 122, it's basically ancient now. The new penal code - I don't know the term for it in the United States, UK and I'm too sleepy to research right now - is being written and it's going to punish people for discriminating gay people very severely.
I don't trust the manager either, he's definitely not anti-homophobia, no one really is in Brazil (and I have my suspicions that no one is in any place of the world), he's afraid of a lawsuit.
In addition, well, I can't fight the system all the time but I really wished I could make my live with less daily free aggression, I also can't sue everyone hehe but the situation is changing everyday around here in Brazil to the best, I guess.
There's another thing: my inxp (more towards infp these days) mindset keeps blocking me from taking a stand at things sometimes because I'm afraid of being perceived as playing the victim (which ironically is playing the victim by itself) and /or being dramatic.

No drama intended.
 

Joehobo

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Sounds like the ENTJ is just full of shit really, talking himself up to his friends kinda goes to show how weak he is of a person - I wouldn't be suprised if most of that history is just fabricated or his only LOOSELY associated to it at best. Just remind yourself of how petty this loser is, no one can really respect a person who treats people like that.
 

Eileen

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Be in touch with your manager and document, document, document. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.
 

Mal12345

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If this is a typological question, then apply some typology to the situation. ENTJs won't respect you unless you stand up to them. Pointing to yourself and saying "Me?" is one of the weakest responses possible and that only earns his further disrespect toward you. Your avoidance reactions are possibly the worst thing you can do to help the situation. Point the finger at him and level with him, saying something like "Listen, I don't like the things you say about gay people." ENTJs appreciate "leveling" or assertive styles of communication.
 

Eugene Watson VIII

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Sounds like the ENTJ is just full of shit really, talking himself up to his friends kinda goes to show how weak he is of a person - I wouldn't be suprised if most of that history is just fabricated or his only LOOSELY associated to it at best. Just remind yourself of how petty this loser is, no one can really respect a person who treats people like that.

I agree. that is pretty low, I would report it to your boss
 

acronach

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If I were in that position, I would try to be as annoying as possible to whoever is in charge of him until a visible change is made too the situation. Also, if you're scared he might do something
vvv

No he won't, carry a knife.

Keep one of these in your car:
asp52613.jpg


If he comes to your house, shoot him in the fucking face.

If those are too much for you, get a tazer.

to add to that, if he attacks you try to go for his eyes. If he can't see, he can't hurt you, and if you do permanent damage, it's something to remind him to be more tolerant. A gift to the world.
 

Mal12345

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I can't take any of these responses seriously, either because they are paranoid or impractical. The calls to "tell the boss" (which he already said he did) or to start a lawsuit are cowardly and unproductive. They are a means by which he can hide behind someone else and let them solve the problem for him.

But I did like someone's idea that the ENTJ manager is all talk. I hear in the OP more of a fear interpretation of events. He doesn't know if there is any substance behind the talk, so his fear invents it for him. This irrational response provides the excuse he needs to not take matters into his own hands.

Like I said above, he should take the assertive stance, not the cowardly one. Not the terrible "Me?" response. And not the violent one recommended by those who have their own agendas.
 

Istbkleta

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OP.

I don't know your situation.
I feel for you.

How old are you (you sound young)?

If you are an INTP you might not realize how much emotional strain you are accumulating before it explodes in your face. Keep your weaknesses in mind. This one waste of skin might hurt your self esteem and long-term productivity.

Why not actively continue looking for a better work environment if the HR guys there are neither professional nor confidential about your issue. If they tolerate one jerk, they tolerate (or actively promote) more. Is it worth it - you have one life to live.

You don't deserve this.
 

Joehobo

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I agree. that is pretty low, I would report it to your boss

Well, considering the manager doesn't care, the OP just has to take a stand as mal said and let the guy know whats what. People see weakness then they'll keep gnawing at it.
 

braziljoe

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Happier workplace.

Ok, I've read all the posts after the one I have posted , and... [MENTION=13589]Mal+[/MENTION], I didn't just say "me", I've explained to the manager loudly so the guy would hear that that wasn't the first time that thing happened and I was full of it - If that makes it more assertive. I know the trick that entjs like to be challenged and have high regard for those who stand up to them someway, be it emotionally, intellectually.
Anyway, the entj guy has quited his job shortly after those homophobic incidents. The gossip was that he quited because he was at brink of being sued by a lot of people who wouldn't take his crap anymore. I guess he realized that being the rude pseudo-alfa male idiot that he is doesn't aways get what he wants. I've heard that he's studying to be an airplane pilot now.
I sincerely wish he can use his arrogance and leadership skills to transport people efficiently. And no, I really don't want him to crash his airplane anywhere.
 

Spamtar

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I have not read the whole thread but in general as far as these workplace harassment, Get all Dick Nixon on your adversaries. Create files on them.

Every time do something inappropriate note it down (time, place, persons present). Not only does it help when you make your push on HR or even a lawsuit in stating your case. It makes you feel better as you do it and helps you keep your cool.
 

Lark

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I think this is a troll thread, think about it, its someone posting about a phobic reaction to someone who is homophobic.
 

Mal12345

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I think this is a troll thread, think about it, its someone posting about a phobic reaction to someone who is homophobic.

Yes, notice that ole brazil has already backtracked and revised his previous statements. For example, now he says, 'I didn't just say "me", I've explained to the manager loudly so the guy would hear.' All of a sudden, he makes himself sound more courageous and far less phobic. This thread was a waste of time.
 

Little_Sticks

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Maybe you should be proud. I don't know. You could come on to him to really get him to stop, but maybe you don't feel like you could defend yourself. In that case, sucks to be you, because you'll always fear people like this, even if you get someone to make him stop.

Honest question: why doesn't this make you mad? You could always learn how to use a handgun, get a permit, and get one yourself. It probably wouldn't hurt to be good with a combat knife either, but they are illegal in some states. Course, if you think you'd hesitant with these, it would probably just give people more reason to hurt you in a fight. Eh, I don't know.
 

braziljoe

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[MENTION=13589]Mal+[/MENTION]

I don't want it to become an argument, butt...
It's just that the way you talked, I sounded like a complete idiot. And, no I've never contradicted myself, I just didn't add some details. The manager desk is very next to the desk where the ENTJ guy used to be. I've said to the manager that that wasn't the first time such things happend and I was full of it so the guy would listen. Second, I've said that the ENTJ guy ws involved with gangs, and then I said he's studying to be an airplane pilot. Sounds conflicting, right, because he's rich and in a gang, but he was/is involved with SOCCER ORGANIZED GANGS common here in Brazil, and they attract high middle-class young males who have an affinity with violence and need an excuse to beat/kill people so they join these types of groups that have a fake serious motive behind them.
Third, I've posted this post 3 months ago and I've been updating in between them. I had posted before that I had cut contact with him shortly after those incidents and the thread became more of a reflection of corporate discrimination incidents. Those who posted later, including you, must have read only the first post and thought I was still having trouble with him, so you make these assumptions
The last: Lark, don't generalize it to all ENTJs (I see you're one and it sounds like you've put yourself in his position). I know some wonderful ENTJ people out there who even fight for the weak people and have kind of a hero complex about them, which I admire. But, frankly, you seem to me not very friendly towards gay people, am I wrong? I didn't want people to hate the ENTJ guy, anyone nor I were being "phobic" to him, people who posted will never even see him in their lives, they were phobic of his actions. Just read the title, I was asking how should I deal with it all.
And, [MENTION=13589]Mal+[/MENTION] , still about typology, I'm an infp and sometimes I sound dramatic even about serious things because it's the way, ummm, I'm wired? All the infps out there know how it impacts our actions when we should do something about some events and we second guess ourselves because of fear of the situation being just drama, when they aren't drama, and it takes a while for us to see it.
I really appreciate all the replies, you people are really empathetic and helpful.
 
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