Ultimate F vs T decision... To stay with friends or not?

[Snow Turtle]

• Remain at university doing a course I might not enjoy.
• Move away to a different city to study what I will like.
• Going to a low ranked university within the city to study what I like.

 

[Take Five]

Move. You can always visit. You may not see them after college anyway.

 

[Phantonym]

I'd say move. True friends will be with you wherever you are. Doing the things you like to do is the best for you. Resenting yourself for not doing the things you like does not make you a good friend either.

 

[FC3S]

How dependable are you friends? Are they reliable? Then stay. If not, you are the most reliable person you know. Can you maintain enjoying a course, and turning it into a job? Will you actually cash in on it? Or will it go to pot? If the former, move to the city you want to, if the latterstay with your friends.

Forget the middle one, absolutely pointless. If you're heart isn't into it remotely, you'll probably drop out.

Me - I say move. If all else fails, you can come to your friends to crash if all hell breaks loose.

 

[ergophobe]

What advice would YOU give to a friend, a close friend, who was in the same predicament?

 

[Snow Turtle]

What advice would YOU give to a friend, a close friend, who was in the same predicament?

You'll most likely drift away from these friends but there are always new people to meet at the new university. Education will be for three years, and then you will have to separate regardless but I can understand that you are concerned about the potential of an everlasting friendship being cut short. Not to mention that this will be something you are studying for three years, and it'll be much more difficult to do so if your heart is not in the subject. If you decide to do the different degree, you shouold aim for whatever is best for you in terms of learning. That's the most rational thing to do.

But choose whatever makes you happiest.

Along with: True friends will stay in contact from other people, but they don't. People drift away.

 

[Orangey]

^^well, that rationale works for me. But you are still conflicted, I presume?

 

[heart]

I vote for move. You'll likely gradually lose touch with many of these friends anyway and the ones you would not lose touch with will work with you to maintain contact. You will learn more about the most important person in your life (YOU) by following your deepest interests and coming into contact with others who also are more deeply interested in these topics.

I am also biased towards moving away from home when young and getting into something you are totally unfamilar with. It has a way of breaking a person from earlier pre-conditioned situations and allowing them a sort of isolation while remaining highly stimulated to come more closely into contact with their truest, deepest selves. Like spending a time of intense growth around people who do not already have a preset script for how you are. It will challenge you on all levels, emotional, social, intellectual, etc. at time when you are most open to growth and being tested and developing yourself. It will help you learn more about yourself and develop more fully. jmo

 

[Athenian200]

You should move. I wish I had moved when I had the chance... now I feel trapped in my old situation and habits, with no friends. When an activity no longer binds you, bonds so easily disappear. That's just the nature of people.

The only friends that can last, in my experience, are the ones I meet online and frequent the same sites with. That friendship can last as long the website in question.

 

[ergophobe]

You'll most likely drift away from these friends but there are always new people to meet at the new university. Education will be for three years, and then you will have to separate regardless but I can understand that you are concerned about the potential of an everlasting friendship being cut short. Not to mention that this will be something you are studying for three years, and it'll be much more difficult to do so if your heart is not in the subject. If you decide to do the different degree, you shouold aim for whatever is best for you in terms of learning. That's the most rational thing to do.

But choose whatever makes you happiest.

Along with: True friends will stay in contact from other people, but they don't. People drift away.

Such great advice! It sounds like you know what to do but it is a difficult decision -- that makes sense. Good luck!

I can offer a little reassurance. I have studied on three different continents and have had to leave wonderful friends behind on each them. True friends are for life - it doesn't matter where you live. You can text, email, call, skype, fly home as often as you need to and get them to come out and visit you. I still keep in touch with friends from high school and college - several of them I consider my closest friends. Distance does not come in the way of strong friendships.

Also, in retrospect, college is where I did most of my learning outside the classroom, meeting people with all of sorts of fascinating intellectual interests. Putting yourself in an intellectually challenging environment is half the experience.

 

[swordpath]

Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver and the other gold.

(lol)

 

[NewEra]

• Remain at university doing a course I might not enjoy.
• Move away to a different city to study what I will like.
• Going to a low ranked university within the city to study what I like.

If you want my advice, if it were up to me, out of those 3 options, I'd move away (choice #2).

 

[murkrow]

• Remain at university doing a course I might not enjoy.
• Move away to a different city to study what I will like.
• Going to a low ranked university within the city to study what I like.

How constructive are the relationships you have with your friends?

Do you stand to lose any productivity by separating yourself from them?

Is the only purpose to stay near them the comfort they provide you, or are these relationships genuinely unique and beneficial?

 

[thisGuy]

* Remain at university doing a course I might not enjoy.
nope

* Move away to a different city to study what I will like.
yeah

* Going to a low ranked university within the city to study what I like.
maybe

 

[Snow Turtle]

How constructive are the relationships you have with your friends?

Do you stand to lose any productivity by separating yourself from them?

Is the only purpose to stay near them the comfort they provide you, or are these relationships genuinely unique and beneficial?

They do provide comfort but it's also because of the unique individuals, they are playful despite knowing that most people would find them and their behaviour odd. Essentially I have found people that match my personality, especially the ESFP who is actively strange. Otherwise they all share the characteristics that would be found in an excellent friend.

I don't lose productivity in terms of academic work. Just the idea that the friendship may not be the same ever again if I leave, and that I haven't had enough time to build a stable friendship.

 

[Shimmy]

About 90% of my personal circle shifts every couple of years. I only have one really long lasting friendship. A couple of friends from high school that live quite far away. But most of my friends I've only known for two years or less.

However, that's just the way how I work. It won't guarantee you happiness.

 

[ergophobe]

If odd individuals are your thing - -college is where you will find even more of your peeps. I speak from experience. The bigger the institution and/or the more exclusive/challenging it is - the odds of finding strange mindmates will increase exponentially. Think of all the weird and wonderful people you could lose out on meeting if you stayed?