People as Opportunities

[LucrativeSid]

How willing are you to use people as opportunities? I'm not talking about exploiting people or being deceitful, I'm just talking about taking advantage of the fact that people can help each other and make things easier for themselves. You scratch my back and I scratch yours. That kind of thing.

Friends and relatives help each other out all the time. So do coworkers, classmates, and even strangers on the Internet. And of course we've got the buyer and seller relationship. But at what point does it become too much for you? Do you ever feel like you're asking for too much or that you're cheating and taking the easy route when you use someone else as a resource?

Would you consider meeting a person because of what you think they might be able to do for you?

Business first. No bullshit. Getting to be the person's friend is a bonus.

For example, to a stranger you know of: "Hey, I'm Sid. I know you have a nice home recording studio and I'd really love to record some of my music, but I can't seem to afford a professional studio. Is there any way we can work something out so that I could record about 3 songs in your studio?"

You never know what a person will say or think, and it's so easy to check.

Maybe the person with the studio hasn't had much fun lately and would love to meet a new musician. You can come and record for free and make a new friend in the process. He might actually be just as excited about it as you are. To him, you are not being intrusive. He's glad you had the balls to ask him.

Or maybe the person with the studio needs some cash himself, so he offers to let you use his studio at a price that you can actually afford.

Or maybe he'll say no. But it only takes a few seconds to ask!

Buying, selling, making friends, jobs, businesses, investments, activities, hobbies, dating, etc... People can make so many things so much easier.

Do you generally take advantage of this or do you mostly just try to stick it out alone and rely on people you already know and are close to? Do you think pride or fear ever cause you to make things 20 times harder on yourself or to give up on what you want because you reject perfectly good opportunities in the form of other people?

Would you consider going through with the recording studio example?

 

[Snow Turtle]

This is a fantastic post. You should be a self-help guru Sid. (I kid. Seriously.)

Otherwise it's like an unofficial trade of services between two people. The only problem I have with this mindset is perhaps the impersonalness required to do such a thing, it just seems like such as 'user' mentality to treat other people as resource, I'd much prefer becoming personal with them over time.

Hence I'll be staying away from sales...

 

[Wiley45]

Interesting post!

I like bartering. I'd have no problems with the recording studio situation you mentioned above, as long as I was offering to provide money or trade some other service, like teaching piano lessons or painting their house. Otherwise, I wouldn't ask a stranger or acquaintance to do a favor for me, since I don't think they have an obligation to me and it would be unfair to expect it.

(One thing I don't do is get to know people under the pretense of building a friendship with the hidden intention of using their skills or connections later.)

I like your positive outlook! I know that taking these small types of "risks" has improved my life in the past.

 

[Udog]

Sid, very good post. I've started to try and take advantage of this. We can get so much more done when we learn how to occasionally lean on others in healthy ways.

I feel that as long as I'm open to returning the favor, or showing similar generosity to strangers, that karma will take care of me. If I start taking and not giving back, well, that will probably catch up to me as well.

So to answer your example, assuming I could gather the courage and find the right words, I would ask the guy if I could use the studio.

 

[juggernaut]

Sid, these are the kinds of relationships/interactions that make the world go round. We all rely on each other. There's nothing wrong with making that fact explicit, since it's implied in all of our relationships anyway. It's even easier with people you aren't close to because you both know why you're there. For example, I regularly bring my adviser (who I have come to adore after a year working together) chocolate when it's time to evaluate my recent work. He's taking time out of his day to work on my thesis so I owe him something. I would totally go for it!

 

[Wiley45]

It's even easier with people you aren't close to because you both know why you're there.

You make a good point. I have had a much easier time with these types of deals if they involve people I didn't previously know. Situations with family, friends, organization members, etc. can get a little hairy sometimes if there is not good communication and people have different expectations.

 

[Jeffster]

Very willing. It's pretty much my default way of living. Everything is an opportunity, from people to the weather, to...everything else.

 

[LucrativeSid]

Would you go up to a millionaire, who you admire for his accomplishments, and ask him to give you a chance? A job of some kind? Flat out tell him that you want to be a millionaire yourself, and that you are perfectly willing to make him even richer off of anything you do because he's providing you with such a great opportunity.

Would you talk to 20 millionaires a day until one of them was so impressed by your courage and unconventional techniques that he grows to like you and gives you a job where you earn 10 times what you used to when you didn't take the direct approach towards the things you wanted?

Look at your family, friends, coworkers, and bosses. Are these people taking you places or dragging you down?

Jim Rohn says that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. I agree.

Are your five people a positive influence or a negative influence on you? Count everybody if you want to. Message boards, work, etc...

I'm not pretending like I'm saying anything new in this thread. I'm not trying to make you change your life. I'm genuinely curious about your answers or your thoughts on any of this.

Especially when it comes to just how unconventional you're willing to be. Got any stories about the craziest and most creative thing you've ever done to get what you wanted?

 

[Jeffster]

Man, you ask a lot of questions!

 

[Kephalos]

Consider looking at it from the point of view of the person being asked for a favor. Yes, it is reasonable to ask for something back, such as payment or barter. But is that really all that is necessary? If a complete stranger comes up to you and says that he knows you have a recording studio, doesn't that beg the question of how does this person know you have a recording studio in the first place? Or what are the guarantees that this is not some kind of con or worse? At least with family-members, coworkers, or people you already know there is more information about their trustworthiness and such things.

 

[Mole]

How willing are you to use people as opportunities?

People are ends in themselves.

But if you see yourself as a means to another's ends, naturally you will see others in the same way.

This is called reification.

And reification is the turning of people into things.

And as, "The business of America is business", it is natural to turn people into commodities.

And commodities of course are things and so can be manipulated.

And so all you need is a technique for efficient manipulation.

And that technique is called, "MBTI".

 

[Fluffywolf]

I use people as oppertunities on a daily bases. It's what I do for a living.

No worries tho, they all get paid for it.

 

[Mole]

I use people as oppertunities on a daily bases. It's what I do for a living.

No worries tho, they all get paid for it.

Do you feel that your livelihood has corrupted you?

 

[juggernaut]

I don't mind being a means. If I help someone achieve an end they have in mind and I benefit from it as well, that's just groovy. At this stage in life it's what I expect in fact.

 

[Fluffywolf]

Do you feel that your livelihood has corrupted you?

On the contrary. I do not live with the illusion that I have to be alone or act alone/independantly in every way to stay uncorrupted.

 

[Mole]

On the contrary. I do not live with the illusion that I have to be alone or act alone/independantly in every way to stay uncorrupted.

Naturally no one will admit to being morally corrupt.

And the logic is impeccable -

For if we are all corrupt, no one is corrupt - and certainly not me!

 

[Fluffywolf]

Naturally no one will admit to being morally corrupt.

Morals aren't universially the same. If my methods clash with your morals, I do not see it as my duty to intervene. I can only regretfully inform you that you probably will not like me.

 

[juggernaut]

^Well fluffy old boy, you'll have plenty of company. We can hang out on the planet where all the other unlikeable NTs find their home. Lord knows, I've eaten plenty of poop for my questionable morals on this board, lol!

 

[Fluffywolf]

*melo-dramatically* Why did you eat it. You didn't have to eat it!

Name the planet and I'll be there, by the way. o/

 

[Mole]

I can only regretfully inform you that you probably will not like me.

And that's all that matters - whether I like you or not.

The perfect narcissistic answer.

And whether I like you or not, depends the success of your sale.

Willy Loman left home every morning with a song on his lips, hoping that today they would buy.

But of course they never cared a scrap for him, just as he never cared a scrap for himself.

The narcissists think they have found a way to beat the system - but all they have found is a way of beating themselves.

That is why, "The Death of a Salesman", is a modern tragedy.