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Self-expression in professional settings.

Not2bforgot10

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I'm writing to see what people think of self-expression in professional settings; in particular, the psychotherapy setting.

I was in class the other day and we were talking about ethics, etc, and some of the students argued that psychotherapists should not have piercings, tattoos, etc.

I, personally, have pigtails, which I actually think are very cute and they're "me" and I was discouraged by some of the students to wear these.

I realize that if I have pig tails I may not be taken seriously by some people, but to be honest, I don't care--in the sense that it will not stop me from wearing pig tails. The pig tails are "me;" they're part of what makes me unique, and I will not change that for anyone! I want people to start looking beyond outer appearances and the only way I'm going to do that or make any social change in people's eyes is by starting with myself! If I'm going to be the example then I'm going to stick to it.

I think that when people change their style they are giving into society's judgmentalness and stereotypes. I think they are letting society get the "best" of them. Why should we have to compromise our individuality? Why not all be authentic in expression? If we all continued to change our appearances/who we are, then we will never really know one another on any real, personal, intimate level.
I am curious as to hear people's take on this.

So the question... Should psychotherapists be allowed to exhibit themselves (fashion-wise) however they want?

(I'm going to dig deep here); I'd like to get to the real core of this. Please, especially INTJ's and those who have difficulty with allowing themselves to be vulnerable, share your vulnerable, beautiful experiences... open your hearts for a second and just let out what's inside.

Thank you.
 

Athenian200

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Yes, I think so. Psychotherapists should have as much right to choose how they dress as anyone else.

I can't promise that some clients wouldn't judge you for it, but the ones who would probably aren't the kind you'd want to work with anyway.
 

King sns

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Um. This is intense post for a matter of wearing pigtails at work.

But anyway, i'm doing my clinical on a psychiatric unit right now. I think that clients like to see that humans are taking care of them. I know that you aren't allowed to talk about yourself. (Which is fine by me.) But I think to show little signs of self-expression through clothes, style, and facial expression shows that you are human and not robot, allowing clients to open up to you more, therefore can be therapeutic. That's my opinion.
 

Anja

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Maybe it makes a difference what type of client the professional is working with? For effective confrontation a therapist needs to make a connection with the person first.

I imagine a certain amount of artifice could be used to make that connection but I would hope that authenticity in his appearance is what the professional would be most influenced by. And discretion.

Probably just goes to show that people in the mental health business are just as prone to social trends as anyone.

But I'd prefer all my professionals, psychiatric and otherwise, to maintain an air of professionalism in their carriage, their appearance and their speech. If I were going to a person with the explicit purpose of having him tinker about in my head I'd want to feel assured that while I was talking about the death of my grandmother he wasn't thinking, "Gee. I wonder if my nose ring is hanging crooked."

The sadder fact is that people in the mental health business are about as prone to folly as the general population. Sigh.
 

Anja

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A second thought, Not. It is wise, I think, when climbing the ladder to present in the ideal way. When one is established and has crediblity, people know where you're coming from, and make room for idioscyncracies with more comfort about you.

Edit: It won't be about you or your hair eventually so learning to practice flexibility will serve you well.
 

Not2bforgot10

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A second thought, Not. It is wise, I think, when climbing the ladder to present in the ideal way. When one is established and has crediblity, people know where you're coming from, and make room for idioscyncracies with more comfort about you.

Edit: It won't be about you or your hair eventually so learning to practice flexibility will serve you well.

I am all about "climbing the ladder" so-to-speak, but I want it to be done authentically. I, personally, don't think I could "fake-it" even if only for a short while because I would feel like I got their artificially... I would feel like a phony; like I had achieved false success; like I had presented an image... and the 'image' was bought opposed to my true self.

Does that make sense?

I, personally, want to be real in every aspect of the word... so on the way 'there' and when I'm there. I can't follow the yellow brick road... I need to follow an authentic road, not one that's paved and reconstructed.
 

Totenkindly

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I think it depends on context and the people you are working with.

You're there to do a job, not to self-express... until self-expression enables you to do your job better. In general, you need to build an environment that feels safe and instills confidence in the patient that you are indeed someone who is trustworthy enough to open up to and receive advice from.

If you're trying to counsel people who your self-expression might derail that process, then you need to find a new crowd of people to counsel or get another line of work.

Also, it's not 'either/or' -- utterly self-express or not self-express at all. you can find ways to self-express without going completely over the top... a few subtle tweaks to the image might satisfy your need to self-express while still not rocking the boat completely and ruining the patient's trust in you.

(For the record, I'm not a therapist but give advice/counsel people, and I'm a "real person" ... people have come to me from more structured settings, such as religious ones, because they know I'm safe for them to be 'human' around and not have to keep up a pretense. I'm off the beaten path a bit, without making people nervous, in terms of appearance.)

Again, I don't think you're there for "you" -- you're there for the people you're helping. Their perceptions and needs are what need to be addressed first.
 

Athenian200

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I am all about "climbing the ladder" so-to-speak, but I want it to be done authentically. I, personally, don't think I could "fake-it" even if only for a short while because I would feel like I got their artificially... I would feel like a phony; like I had achieved false success; like I had presented an image... and the 'image' was bought opposed to my true self.

Does that make sense?

I, personally, want to be real in every aspect of the word... so on the way 'there' and when I'm there. I need to follow an authentic road, not paved and reconstructed.

It makes perfect sense to me. :yes: I wouldn't be able to live with something like that either.

Anja's advice is very practical (if a bit severe in my opinion), so you have to think... do you care about feeling like you've been authentic, or do you just care about success and getting ahead? You have to live with your choice, so you should decide what consequences you feel you could live with.

But personally... I can't imagine many people having a problem with something as basic as pigtails. That sounds like an extremely conservative and strict perspective that probably isn't as common as it once might have been (Let's just say I wouldn't have a lot of respect for someone who was that petty). Edgier kinds of self-expression might make a problem, though.
 

kyuuei

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How is this bad?

"...This is embarrassing! I can't say this part." '.. More embarrassing than Pig tails??' " :blush: Well.. I guess when I was 15--blahblahblah"

Works in my head :D
 

ptgatsby

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I think that when people change their style they are giving into society's judgmentalness and stereotypes. I think they are letting society get the "best" of them. Why should we have to compromise our individuality? Why not all be authentic in expression? If we all continued to change our appearances/who we are, then we will never really know one another on any real, personal, intimate level.
I am curious as to hear people's take on this.

To be professional is to be as authentic as anything else... just as you think as pigtails as cute from social cues (ie: it is socially conditioned trait associated with younger women), so do people think professionalism to other traits.

So the question... Should psychotherapists be allowed to exhibit themselves (fashion-wise) however they want?

Allowed? Absolutely.

I don't think I would recommend it, as I think that professionalism is a very large part of certain fields, and while therapists are not quite as bound by these rules and can inject their own styles a lot more, I think appearance plays a part. Most therapists want their job to be taken more seriously, in my experience, while others do think of it as "just helping others".

Also (from the top quote as well), they are not there to know who you are... and they are there to let you know who they are. I can see an argument for being more familiar, although I don't believe this is recommended in therapy situations. Professionalism is also an intentional barrier, and dress code signals that.
 

nightning

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I think you're going about this the wrong way... It shouldn't be about you, it should be about your client. What benefits them?

What's the purpose of them visiting a psychiatrist or psychotherapist? To get help. Would they feel more at ease with a therapist that feels "human"? Yes, but only up to a point.

The most difficult thing about talk therapy of any sort is getting your client to trust you enough to open up. Professional dress code help promote that image that the therapist knows what he/she is doing. It's the same with the "don't talk about yourself" rule. It's a little counter intuitive but sometimes objectivity gets people to open up more than when you're too up close and personal. The same deal with how people will tell somebody half way across the world very personal stuff online, but they'll never share it with anybody close to them. Keep it simple. The more disconnected they feel the therapist office is compared to "real world", the better for them to open up.
 

Not2bforgot10

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I think you're going about this the wrong way... It shouldn't be about you, it should be about your client. What benefits them?

What's the purpose of them visiting a psychiatrist or psychotherapist? To get help. Would they feel more at ease with a therapist that feels "human"? Yes, but only up to a point.

The most difficult thing about talk therapy of any sort is getting your client to trust you enough to open up. Professional dress code help promote that image that the therapist knows what he/she is doing. It's the same with the "don't talk about yourself" rule. It's a little counter intuitive but sometimes objectivity gets people to open up more than when you're too up close and personal. The same deal with how people will tell somebody half way across the world very personal stuff online, but they'll never share it with anybody close to them. Keep it simple. The more disconnected they feel the therapist office is compared to "real world", the better for them to open up.

Who says it's about you (the therapist) though? I know that *I* never mentioned that. You mean, if the therapists dresses a certain way? Is this what you're referring to, which makes you believe it'd be all about the therapist?

If so, I don't think that's the case. I know that me, if I were a therapist and I dressed a certain way I, in no way, would think the session is all about me. In fact, that wouldn't even cross my mind. I'd just be dressing in what I thought was comfortable... how I wanted. I mean, I want to set an example for the client that it's OKAY to be yourself and to dress how you're comfortable.
 

Halla74

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OK, I'm about as authentic as can be. I'm the same no matter what time of day it is, no matter who I am with, no matter where I am at. I have long hair, but it is well groomed. I am an energetic, loud, and cheerful person. I have fun no matter what I am doing, and some people I have worked with in the past (supervisors, never co-workers) told me that my "boisterous laughter, and use of works such as "blown away" to refer to corruption of a database were unprofessional."

Did any of this bother me? No. Did I change my ways? No. The bottom line is this. If I am working and representing my boss or my Agency I make sure that I am professional, especially if I am working with people I have not worked with before. Is this a compromise of my authenticity? No, not in my opinion, because I am hell bent and determined to do a good job at anything I am doing. I am of the belief that once you establish good, general rapport with someone that you can relax and be yourself beyond what is typically exposed in a first impression.

There are folks who have incorrectly stereotyped me as being a "surfer" or a "meat head" and to my great delight they are shocked once they work with me on a given project and realize that no matter what my appearance, I am all about business, and professional.

If anyone has an issue with me or my appearance they are more than welcome to take it up with me.

Just my .02.
 

Anja

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Anja's advice is very practical (if a bit severe in my opinion),

Thanks for this, Athenian. Was on my way out the door and, in retrospect, I thought I had been some brusque. ;) But I had some time to think while I drove this afternoon and came back with a little more to say.

The values you'll be working with, Not, will be more about the internal than the external. How a client or his helper dresses are the least of the issues you'll be dealing with. In that you are correct that a therapist needs to be solid in their values.



Edit: As a beginning counselor, if you are in a good program, you are going to be under scrutiny and called upon to examine your behaviors and values system so that you can best serve others. And well it should be. A counselor needs to be the healthiest self possible. Not only so they can help, but also for self-protection. It's an emotionally dangerous field.

By any extreme amount of resistance to recommendations you may be questioned regarding your willingness to fit into any given system. So on this search for personal integrity that you are undertaking you may want to side-step some of the small stuff in an effort to open yourself more fully to the big stuff. (Sending just a little "cheat" tip here.)

You can be independent in a strong and healthy way no matter what your hair looks like.

That line between helper and helpee is fairly sacred and a precious boundary to hold or things can go seriously awry.

I think you've gotten some good feedback.

It's definitely not important how anyone wears their hair and perhaps is even a poor way to determine what the person is about.

And, as a person who is studying psychology, it may be useful for you to consider your appearance as an adjunct to your therapeutic techniques. It truly will have a conscious or subconscious effect on how you are perceived, whether correctly or not. That does not need to be interpreted as "phoney." The authenticity that you will best benefit from focussing on will be internal authenticity.

For instance, when I have official business to do and want to be persuasive, I tend to dress with my hair up and in dark colored, conservative clothing and I find that I carry a stronger sense of credibility than when my hair is in a ponytail and I'm in my jeans.

Who am I? Yeah, I'm that person in the jeans. Do I know what works best for me? I do. And my internal values change not a whit dependent on what I'm wearing. That's what's important to me.
 

Not2bforgot10

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Thanks for this, Athenian. Was on my way out the door and, in retrospect, I thought I had been some brusque. ;) But I had some time to think while I drove this afternoon and came back with a little more to say.

The values you'll be working with, Not, will be more about the internal than the external. How a client or his helper dresses are the least of the issues you'll be dealing with. In that you are correct that a therapist needs to be solid in their values.

That's the thing... I have solid internal values, but these (at least my perception is) are not seen because I am dismissed automatically for my outward appearance! The pigtails! Or, whatever else; I like having holey pants! So flippin' what! I don't like the superficiality... I have a very STRONG sense of integrity, but some people can't see it because of how I dress? That's ridiculous! It would be ridiculous if I got shot down from ONE person at an organization b/c THAT one person didn't like my external appearance.
 

Anja

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All true. Unfortunately.

You'll be dealing with the recognition that there are many things you don't like that you won't be able to change in working with people. Way more important things than anyone's appearance.

I'd recommend saving your energy for those larger issues. This one is, indeed, your own personal issue and it's good that you are dealing with it before you begin your life's work.

The nice thing is that, with increased confidence in yourself and with increased confidence shown by others, this issue will be easy to set aside with time.

Or you can fight the system, using emotions which would best be saved for the difficult emotional work you'll be called on to do. There could be repercussions to holding your stance, but you have the choice to do that. And recognize that you'll have some difficulties because of your choice. I think that's good.

The scope of what you'll be dealing with will be life and death issues. You can choose where you want to put your energy.
 

Geoff

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I'm writing to see what people think of self-expression in professional settings; in particular, the psychotherapy setting.

I was in class the other day and we were talking about ethics, etc, and some of the students argued that psychotherapists should not have piercings, tattoos, etc.

I, personally, have pigtails, which I actually think are very cute and they're "me" and I was discouraged by some of the students to wear these.

I realize that if I have pig tails I may not be taken seriously by some people, but to be honest, I don't care--in the sense that it will not stop me from wearing pig tails. The pig tails are "me;" they're part of what makes me unique, and I will not change that for anyone! I want people to start looking beyond outer appearances and the only way I'm going to do that or make any social change in people's eyes is by starting with myself! If I'm going to be the example then I'm going to stick to it.

I think that when people change their style they are giving into society's judgmentalness and stereotypes. I think they are letting society get the "best" of them. Why should we have to compromise our individuality? Why not all be authentic in expression? If we all continued to change our appearances/who we are, then we will never really know one another on any real, personal, intimate level.
I am curious as to hear people's take on this.

So the question... Should psychotherapists be allowed to exhibit themselves (fashion-wise) however they want?

(I'm going to dig deep here); I'd like to get to the real core of this. Please, especially INTJ's and those who have difficulty with allowing themselves to be vulnerable, share your vulnerable, beautiful experiences... open your hearts for a second and just let out what's inside.

Thank you.

I've spent far too many years now as a working professional - not psychotherapy but a tax adviser. However, I know what it means to have to make a first impression and appear professional. I've worked for a bank, and then a large firm of accountants and now a small one I've just joined. I've often acted as a mentor and counsellor to staff, so I know - in a way - how it is to need to build that connection.

The thing is... members of the public will automatically grant you the respect and acceptance that your profession carries. Not dressing or looking appropriate will mean that it is more of a challenge to obtain that for free. Now, I'm quite happy to challenge the traditional look - I was one of the first to ditch ties so as to look more casual, and so on.

So, go for it, but just be aware that you will always have to fight harder to get acceptance from each new client if you don't look how they expect. Many people get a buzz from that challenge...!
 

nightning

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Who says it's about you (the therapist) though? I know that *I* never mentioned that. You mean, if the therapists dresses a certain way? Is this what you're referring to, which makes you believe it'd be all about the therapist?

If so, I don't think that's the case. I know that me, if I were a therapist and I dressed a certain way I, in no way, would think the session is all about me. In fact, that wouldn't even cross my mind. I'd just be dressing in what I thought was comfortable... how I wanted. I mean, I want to set an example for the client that it's OKAY to be yourself and to dress how you're comfortable.

I don't mean to attack... but if you didn't "mind" why would you bring it up? Clearly it's about you wanting change... I just wanted to indicate perhaps there's a reason why there's a dress code in the first place.

Think about the suit and tie/ lab coat doctors wear. Why do they do that? The image is important. Image as in what a prototypical doctor archetype should be. Trust is important. Because the doctor can only advice... just like a therapist can only give advice. If the patient/client is unwilling to follow the advice, there's nothing you can do. Professionalism works a lot easier in giving you the initial trust.

You're not just rocking the boat in going against what's normally done... you're going against the perception your client has of what a professional therapist should be. That might cost you extra time to gain their trust so they'll open up to you... time that can be spend on better things.
 

Anja

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I hope we'll hear from you again, Not.

Maybe take this issue and the feedback you got to a trusted teacher and ask them what they think.

It's less a matter of whether everyone who spoke here is "right" and that you are "wrong" and more concern on my part that you recognize any unpolished parts of your personality which may catch you up when you are working.

If your program is a good one your instructors should be working with you on any clash between your personal values and what you may need to do to be an effective therapist. It's not just you. Every counselor needs to work on this to keep from getting their stuff mixed up with their clients' stuff.

Here's a chance to explore.

I don't know what clientele you anticipate serving, but have you considered working with a paedophile with those pigtails in your hair?

Or getting a really good job with any organization which requires you to set aside some personal preferences? This is bound to happen a few times.

How about a client who insists upon doing it his own way when you can see that isn't his healthiest choice? How will your own expression of individuality play into helping him see other options? Could telling him to be true to himself first when it may not be best for him get in his way of growth?

Things to consider.
 

Athenian200

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That's the thing... I have solid internal values, but these (at least my perception is) are not seen because I am dismissed automatically for my outward appearance! The pigtails! Or, whatever else; I like having holey pants! So flippin' what! I don't like the superficiality... I have a very STRONG sense of integrity, but some people can't see it because of how I dress? That's ridiculous! It would be ridiculous if I got shot down from ONE person at an organization b/c THAT one person didn't like my external appearance.

People aren't really questioning your integrity if they do that. Many of them care more about appearances and taste than integrity. I'm dead serious. Integrity is the last thing on many people's minds. A lot of them may not even know what it is.

Oh, so you're not talking about just pigtails then? I kind of had the impression that you were. If you just wore pigtails and looked professional otherwise... I'm sure most people could accept that. But if you go all the way and do things like wear pants with holes... well, then you might run into problems.

Again, the choice has to be yours. Don't be too quick to listen to someone else. If you really feel that not dressing your own way is wrong, you might well come to regret it if you give in. Only you can decide whether you're willing to make it harder on yourself by trying to go a less-traveled path, or sacrifice something to make it easier. I guess it comes down to this... do you really feel like you would be violating yourself if you gave in, or do you just not like to dress that way? If it's the first... then be yourself. If it's the second... you should consider giving in.
 
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