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Can't make up my mind, need help.

BerberElla

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I have a dilemma that has been bothering me for a good few months now and I still can't make up my mind one way or another which option I should go for.

Should I give up my belated dream to finally improve my education or should I give up the dream and get a job to improve my impoverished situation?

I mean we are talking 4 maybe 5 years before I finally reach the end of the education I want to do, which is access, followed by a degree in English Literature and language, and maybe another (although it's a toss up between religion and history). That's another 4-5 years in which my financial state is going to remain as miserable as it is now. Infact it will get worse if I do this option because I will have to live on grants which I have heard through the grapevine, are pittance.

I have 3 kids to support, no child maintance to cover those kids, so it's all on me to provide, and my situation is pretty frakken dire.

But the end result would be an avenue into the career of my choice, and much higher salary, and satisfaction within myself and hopefully within my job.

Or option 2 would be back to work now that my kids are all in full time education. I'm a fully qualified legal secretary and would only need a refresher course which would be funded in a much better way than the uni avenue.

So 1 year, and I would be making money and might finally be able to afford to put a god damn carpet down, instead of walking around on a concrete floor and shabby rugs.

No real job satisfaction, no personal satisfaction, but some financial satisfaction.

So what would you do in this given situation, which option would you choose?
 

Randomnity

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I would be happiest getting a job, definitely (present financial gain vs present financial loss, 'waste' of time and uncertain gain), but that might not be the best choice for you. You sound like you'd be happier with more education - is it just your kids that are making you think twice?

(edit) Is it an option to work while pursuing school part-time?
 

BerberElla

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I would be happiest getting a job, definitely (present financial gain vs present financial loss, 'waste' of time and uncertain gain), but that might not be the best choice for you. You sound like you'd be happier with more education - is it just your kids that are making you think twice?

Yes, I just feel like in my current financial situation, it's unfair and selfish of me to put them through this kind of poverty to follow a dream I should have followed years ago.

I would definately be happier with the education pathway if it was just me to worry about.
 

BerberElla

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Is it an option to work while pursuing school part-time?

No, if I study in the day then I need to take care of the kids in the evening, if I worked in the day and considered night school, it would still be a question of the kids, and childcare costs are huge.

The first year would be intensive anyway, everyday 9-3, maybe once I got to uni I wouldn't be studying everyday which would open up the choice of working some days.
 

laintpe

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Is it an option to work while pursuing school part-time?

I'm fairly indecisive, so some of each would probably be my temporary choice. Personally, I wouldn't want to choose work over school, but I don't have kids. I do know some people who have gone back to school after their kids have moved out, but I don't know if you want to wait that long.
 

Randomnity

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Yes, I just feel like in my current financial situation, it's unfair and selfish of me to put them through this kind of poverty to follow a dream I should have followed years ago.

I would definately be happier with the education pathway if it was just me to worry about.
Hmm, that's something I shouldn't really comment on then. It's a little too close to home and I'm closer to the child perspective than the parent one.

You could talk to your kids and see what they think about it, if they aren't too young.
 

BerberElla

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I'm fairly indecisive, so some of each would probably be my temporary choice. Personally, I wouldn't want to choose work over school, but I don't have kids. I do know some people who have gone back to school after their kids have moved out, but I don't know if you want to wait that long.

I have thought about that, put off the study until a later date, improve my current situation now instead.

It just makes me feel down because I'm not getting any younger, I have already put it off so many times, I worry it will be one of those unfinished, unrealised dreams that will be my epitaph.

I guess it couldn't hurt to put it off a couple more years.

Hmm, that's something I shouldn't really comment on then. It's a little too close to home and I'm closer to the child perspective than the parent one.

You could talk to your kids and see what they think about it, if they aren't too young.

10, 6 and 4. I would like to hear from your perspective though, as someone on the younger end of the scale. Would you have felt any resentment as a teenager if your mum was poor because she chose her happiness over her responsibilites?
 

wolfy

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That's a really difficult decision.
You said that you'd only heard through the grapevine that the grants are a pittance. It might not be much but perhaps it would be easier to make a decision with more information?
I'm married with two kids I feel the most important thing to my kids is that I spend time with them. Kids want things and you want to give them the best I understand that, perhaps going to school will teach them to persevere for what they want in their own future in that way you can see that you've given them something very valuable, you've given them an education too.
It all depends on the grant. And what you can do with it.

I understand how hard the decision would be and hope I didn't sound like I'm trying to push you in any direction.
I hope this helps.
 

BerberElla

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That's a really difficult decision.
You said that you'd only heard through the grapevine that the grants are a pittance. It might not be much but perhaps it would be easier to make a decision with more information?

I heard that it was £3000 for the term, of which half would cover my rent per term, but you are right, I should check for the information first and decide from there.

I'm married with two kids I feel the most important thing to my kids is that I spend time with them. Kids want things and you want to give them the best I understand that, perhaps going to school will teach them to persevere for what they want in their own future in that way you can see that you've given them something very valuable, you've given them an education too.
It all depends on the grant. And what you can do with it.

I understand how hard the decision would be and hope I didn't sound like I'm trying to push you in any direction.
I hope this helps.

I have thought of it like that before, that at least they would have something better to look up to. And maybe my being happy with my choice would translate to a happier mum, which they always say they want lol.

Don't worry, it didn't sound like you were trying to push me either way. :)

I'm still feeling like this about it though >>>
goodVbad46.gif


Why am I so flippin indecisive. :steam:
 

Randomnity

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10, 6 and 4. I would like to hear from your perspective though, as someone on the younger end of the scale. Would you have felt any resentment as a teenager if your mum was poor because she chose her happiness over her responsibilites?
I wrote a PM but you don't take them? Ok, an edited version:

Whether they will resent it...maybe. Depends on the kids, depends how extreme the financial need is, how long it lasts for, and how you all cope with it. A lot of people I know resent their families for making poor financial decisions during their childhood. I imagine they'd be more likely to resent it if it were a drop in standard of living rather than a constant, though. Them resenting it and it being the best choice aren't necessarily mutually exclusive though. People do like to complain.

At the same time, if you're miserable, your kids aren't going to be happy either. So as you know, it isn't an easy question.

Have you talked to real-life friends about it? They'd have a better idea of your situation and what your options are...not to mention it's probably a lot different going to school wherever you are, canada has kinda weird school systems.
 

Chris_in_Orbit

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....Well I'm not sure how much you can handle on your plate right now, but I don't see why you can't have both. Get a job and get an education on the side. The only thing is, your education is going to take much longer with a full time job, but its not impossible to take one or two classes with a job and kids.

In the end its up to you. Honestly, you aren't living for yourself anymore with 3 kids. You're going to have to do what is best for them.
 

Not_Me

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Assuming you are able to support your family with your student income and that your new skills will actually be marketable, are there any other reason why you feel guilty about pursuing your dreams? After all, you're not slacking off. It's short term pain for long term gain for yourself as well as your kids.
 

BerberElla

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I wrote a PM but you don't take them? Ok, an edited version:

Whether they will resent it...maybe. Depends on the kids, depends how extreme the financial need is, how long it lasts for, and how you all cope with it. A lot of people I know resent their families for making poor financial decisions during their childhood. I imagine they'd be more likely to resent it if it were a drop in standard of living rather than a constant, though. Them resenting it and it being the best choice aren't necessarily mutually exclusive though. People do like to complain.

At the same time, if you're miserable, your kids aren't going to be happy either. So as you know, it isn't an easy question.

Have you talked to real-life friends about it? They'd have a better idea of your situation and what your options are...not to mention it's probably a lot different going to school wherever you are, canada has kinda weird school systems.

My ESFJ and ISFJ friend say the work first study later is the way to go. My IxxP friends (fill in the blanks) and my ESFP friend believe I should study now, bear with it, and reap the gains later.

They know my situation quite well. It's not that I can't afford to eat or pay my bills, I can, but that's it. I can't afford carpet and stuff like that, at least not without saving that involves pittance saving per week and an end date further away than I can see. (I'm pretty impatient)

My eldest son (10) says I should study because he knows how much I want it, my 2 youngest really don't notice because mummy provides for them quite well.

I can talk myself into and out of both options in favour of the other.

....Well I'm not sure how much you can handle on your plate right now, but I don't see why you can't have both. Get a job and get an education on the side. The only thing is, your education is going to take much longer with a full time job, but its not impossible to take one or two classes with a job and kids.

In the end its up to you. Honestly, you aren't living for yourself anymore with 3 kids. You're going to have to do what is best for them.

I think that would only be possible as long as it was a few days study a few days work, otherwise I would simply be working to pay childcare, and wouldn't gain anything from it other than my kids losing more time with me.

As I said above, the first year (sept 09 start) would be an intensive 5 full days a week study, so working at the same time is not possible.

Either way though my step into work or study will involve another year of no salary because both avneues require one year of study, it;s just one would lead to employment straight after, and one would lead to 3 more years of study. But then it could turn out that I only need to attend uni a couple days a week so I could work.

Assuming you are able to support your family with your student income and that your new skills will actually be marketable, are there any other reason why you feel guilty about pursuing your dreams? After all, you're not slacking off. It's short term pain for long term gain for yourself as well as your kids.

Yes, you're right. I just wouldn't be me if I didn't find a way to judge myself for whatever decision I made lol.

Anyway I think I may aswell do the access course, and get to the stage where I am applying for uni and seeing what days I end up doing, because I could work the other days which would help out.

I know I want the study more because it meets my career plan requirements, and I remember what I get like when I have no job satisfaction.

Thanks for everyone who offered imput, it was interesting to see other peoples angle, and of course to hear from less fruitloopy people than myself. :D
 

Athenian200

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I think you should get the education you want.

Giving up personal satisfaction and job satisfaction for financial satisfaction isn't something you should do unless you absolutely have no choice. If you want it, and there's a way you can make it work so that you get the education and keep everyone alive, then you should really do it.
 

BerberElla

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I think you should get the education you want.

Giving up personal satisfaction and job satisfaction for financial satisfaction isn't something you should do unless you absolutely have no choice. If you want it, and there's a way you can make it work so that you get the education and keep everyone alive, then you should really do it.

Yeah, I think that's the best way forward.

If I went down the work route, it would be temporary knowing that I would eventually be back at the stage I am now, and going back would mean learning to handle a drop in finances. Far better to get it out of the way now before I become accustomed to a higher standard of living lol that way when I do finally get this over and done with, it will be up up and over the rainbow from then onwards (touch wood).
 

Mitzy

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since everyones getting fired and people are dropping like flies in the work place, i dont recommend you to look for a job because i highly doubt they will hire you. id say go to school instead
 

BerberElla

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since everyones getting fired and people are dropping like flies in the work place, i dont recommend you to look for a job because i highly doubt they will hire you. id say go to school instead

True lol then again you never know, my looks and winning charm could cinch the deal for me. :smile:
 

wolfy

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Yeah, I think that's the best way forward.

If I went down the work route, it would be temporary knowing that I would eventually be back at the stage I am now, and going back would mean learning to handle a drop in finances. Far better to get it out of the way now before I become accustomed to a higher standard of living lol that way when I do finally get this over and done with, it will be up up and over the rainbow from then onwards (touch wood).

Yeah I reckon you're right. You know what they say the good being the enemy of the great.
 

Laurie

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I agree that we don't know the "dire" of your situation.

My husband and I do trade offs, I've had people tell me that I need a bigger house. Well... ok.. then you buy it for me. My kids are always fed and have all the clothes and things they need. Sometimes it's easy to get caught up into what we are "supposed" to have vs. what humans actually need.

What would you want your children to do in your situation? You train them every day. You could look at it two ways, really. If you go to work you are showing them that current problems are more pressing than holding off for a possibly better future. (some could call it holding off for a desire) If you go to school you could look at it as teaching them that good things are worth waiting for and working hard for and to follow their dreams.

I would be careful with the "son says" thing. That can just be him trying to please you. They would probably follow you off a cliff if you said you wanted to do that.

Just remember, if not now, when?
 
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