I apologize for that, it wasn't directly aimed at you just a general sentiment about the quickness people have to type a person as ESFJ because of bitchy behavior. It happens a lot and I leaked. I'm sorry.
I appreciate the clarification. And I assure you that I didn't type her ESFJ quickly, and I didn't type her ESFJ simply because of her bitchy behavior. Even though her behavior is quite bitchy!
Here is my grand treatise on NeNe as an ESFJ. I realize we'll all probably end up having to agree to disagree, but this is my take ---->
Unhealthy personalities (i.e., people with personality disorders) can be difficult to type because most type descriptions describe positive traits rather than negative. About a year ago I read a very interesting book called The Personality Self-Portrait by John Oldham, which delves into personality disorders in a manner that makes them very easy to correlate with personality types. Based on the descriptions, narcissistic personality disorder correlates with ESTJ, sadistic with ESTP, avoidant with INFJ, etc., etc. Well, ESFJ correlates with histrionic personality disorder, which is a pattern of excessive emotionality, attention-seeking, inappropriate seductiveness, and excessive need of approval. Individuals with the disorder are often "lively, dramatic, and enthusiastic," according to wikipedia. To me at least, all of this sounds like an apt description of NeNe, who is vivacious, dramatic, emotional, and constantly angling to be the life of the party. And I think the "inappropriate seductiveness" piece can be covered by her former work as a stripper and her enthusiasm for her stripper photo shoot this past season.
ESTPs and ESFJs can seem very similar because they both like to be in charge. My husband is an ESTP and one of my best friends is an ESFJ and when they're around each other it's like clash of the titans, because they both enjoy being "top dog" and the center of attention in their social circles. Yet ESTPs and ESFJs are also very different. ESTPs really don't care for drama while ESFJs thrive on it. ESTPs are not likely to go into great detail on things that bother them emotionally, such as NeNe did regarding learning about her biological father. ESTPs would certainly stand up for themselves if they felt slighted, as would an ESFJ. However, the ESTP would blow up but then get over it fairly quickly. The ESFJ would harbor resentment and continue to bring up the drama again and again. (This is all a description of an unhealthy ESFJ of course; I've known healthy ESFJs that did not have these negative characteristics.)
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Other clues that NeNe is an ESFJ:
* She got bent out of shape over her son's hair and seemed concerned about what others would think. She seemed to feel that his unkempt hair would reflect badly on herself and their family. I don't think a perceiver would have concerned themselves so much with this. That scene reminded me of how my ISFJ mother freaked out when I got my nose pierced (she begged me to take it out and asked what would her relatives say, what would people at church say, etc., etc.). That concern with appearances and how your child's appearance reflects on you seems like an xSFJ trait to me.
* She seems insecure and dependent on others for self-affirmation, which is a characteristic of unhealthy Fe. Both ESFJs and ESTPs are very confident types who like to take life by the balls. But ESTPs are confident independent of the opinions of those around them, whereas ESFJs crave positive reinforcement from others to maintain their self-esteem. NeNe was awfully jealous and insecure to be an ESTP. She seemed very intimidated by Kandi's career success (snobbishly declaring that she didn't think Kandi was a good singer). She seemed jealous in the scene where the girls were all working out and Kandi was dancing and stealing some of NeNe's spotlight. Nene was also jealous of Kandi and Kim's friendship, just like she was jealous of Kim and Sheree's friendship last season. Such intense, schoolgirl-like jealousy over who's best friends with who strikes me as a clear symptom of an unhealthy ESFJ. I don't picture an ESTP, even an unhealthy one, getting bent out of shape because one of their close friends kindles a close friendship with a third party. They just wouldn't care because they're not insecure.
* Drama follows NeNe everywhere. Last season it was NeNe vs. Sheree and NeNe vs. Kim. This season it was NeNe vs. Kim and NeNe vs. Kandi. One of the great paradoxes of an unhealthy ESFJ personality type is that they love people and yet they have a lot of difficulty getting along with people. Nene was out of line in pretty much all her arguments with Kandi, and yet she was so clouded by her emotionality that she couldn't see this. And then in one of the last episodes, she goes up to Kandi and actually brings their argument up again, and you can see on Kandi's face she's figuring "If NeNe is coming over here bringing all this up again, surely she is doing it to apologize and bury the hatchet." But instead NeNe was just bringing the whole drama back up again for the hell of it -- for no reason but to stir the pot!
* NeNe talks A LOT. ESFJs are the most outgoing type, and they talk wayyy more than ESTPs.
* ESTPs and ESFPs are more likely to be even-keeled, taking life as it comes. ESxJs are more likely to be emotional firecrackers like NeNe.
* ESFJs can be quite cold toward people that they feel have wronged them (another characteristic of Fe under stress). She felt that her biological father abandoned her and says so in the scene right before she meets him. ESFJs are also quite perceptive of people. I know that ESTPs are as well, but I would say ESTPs specialize in perception of peoples' motives (they're the ultimate salesmen) whereas ESFJs specialize in perception of peoples' emotions, hence NeNe picking up very quickly that her father was nervous.
I realize this post has become so long and unwieldy that few people will get through it. But there it is, that's my thesis on NeNe as an ESFJ!