And this is how Ji types learn they can sell a Je type anything with good enough rationalization(s), and based on subjectivity paraded as objectivity. It took time for me to learn that Je types wanted an explanation rather than a justification, and that there's an expectation of negotiation further involved to see what idea proves more objectively sound. Since Ji can more clearly see the long-term ramifications of any particular decision, I can see with a high level of probability what I need to say to convince you of a short-term outcome. Sometimes the answers can even be (imo) plain stupid.
This sounds more like a
you problem, than an INTJ problem.
In the case of the coffee pot, an answer to that question should simply be another question: "Why does it matter where the coffee pot is?"
It doesn't. We don't care where you put the damn coffee pot. We just want to know why. We want to know what makes you tick. We have no specific alternative place in mind, we're just curious as to why the coffee pot went from point A to point B and what your reasoning was.
INTJs ask questions because they want answers and because they want to know a little bit about you. INTJs tend to see everything as a giant mechanism that needs to be taken apart, analyzed, and put back together again. This is just how I study things and how I understand them. I think it's amusing that this would bother anyone when it's really a fairly innocuous thing to do. Some people have no concept of neutrality though and they have to interpret the negative or positive in everything. There is no in between, there is no neutral, and there is no middle ground for some people. This is something I've learned about people over time, usually I see this in a lot of SFs and in a lot of NFs. But I'm not making any stereotypes, it can be seen anywhere. Some people just take things personally.
This question would address the underlying assumptions to the initial questioning on why it has been placed where it has been placed.
No it doesn't. That is your brain interpreting that and we are not responsible for what your brain interprets. Personality types mature when they finally start to realize that about others, and vice versa. A lot of INTJs start to develop a facade once they mature because they start to realize that certain kinds of people are sensitive to that sort of thing. Personality types learn to adapt to each other.
Because honestly -- and I get that sometimes a question is just a question framed purely for the purposes of understanding -- 90% of the time it's not. So why pretend that it is?
So you're like a mind reader now?
The audience to the question has the capability to extrapolate beyond the question and see a gradation of judgement in that. I can read that there's more to the question than the purpose of understanding, so this is why it is grating.
And being on the receiving end of an over dramatic person who chooses to interpret everything you say as judgmental, isn't irritating?? Let's get to the heart of the matter; I am not responsible for your judgement. That is a
you thing, that is something
you're responsible for.
Why do you think everyone is out to get you? Why do you think your boss is jumping at the bit to criticize you? Are you really that insecure?
This is not something I'm responsible for or something I have any control over. If asking you a question puts you over the edge, I don't really know how to respond. Except with mild amusement at the spectacle.
And, who cares if the coffee pot is now located 90cm to the left of where it usually is? (Trust me, I know who cares; it's a rhetorical question more than anything.)
We don't. We never cared. Our intention was to understand something by asking questions. INTJs are deconstructionist in their approach to understanding things.
An INTJ would expect this:
INTJ: "So why did you move the coffee pot?"
Other personality: "1. Because I think more people would have easier access to the pot here by the fridge. 2. I think it looks more aesthetically pleasing. 3. People have been complaining about it being over there
This is often not what we get. We often get this:
INTJ: So why did you move the coffeepot?
Other personality: "What is that supposed to mean?? Are you criticizing me?"
INTJ: ???
Other types do not think in a "This is the best way for this" format. They won't enter into negotiation because they're not wired to do think that way.
Often times INTJs don't really think that way either. If I'm not the supervisor, it isn't
my job to hold the structure together. I'm, at the most, mildly amused watching you fall on your face by making the wrong decision. I have no problem watching the world fall apart because no one has given me the responsibility of keeping it together. It my responsibility is to clean and organize shelves, I will make sure that those shelves are the neatest mother fuckers you've ever seen. I will do this even if the entire business has gone bankrupt. I may give you some helpful advice along the way, but 9 times out of 10 you tend to ignore that and insist your decision is the right one.