I think there is a great benefit in being able to start fresh with people, and to not bother to remember your gripes about them. If we were to sit someone in a chair and show them a picture of someone they liked and they became elated at the thought of that person, that would be great for that person, but if we showed them a picture of someone they disliked and they started to growl or become uncomfortable, it seems very unfortunate for this person. This person has invested a lot of energy into remembering attacks against them. You get a feel for their hatred and their pain, and it is unfortunate. I myself would feel some sadness for them. So much better it is, if that person can be shown a picture of someone they've not gotten along with in the past and truly see that person as simply another person they do not know. You might expect them to feel only a very mild looking forward to learning more about the person, as is expected from anyone seeing the picture of a stranger.
The point is simply that it takes too much energy to try to remember who has harmed you and who hasn't. To see another's distaste at the sight or thought of another makes them appear vulnerable. One wonders why they feel that way. It is as though the other person actually hurt them deep down inside them, and the whole picture has a feel of resentment. One wonders how it could be that this person tried to defend themselves from someone else, when the pain they feel is their own. If I think about what innocence feels like, this feels like the loss of innocence, the breaking of purity. It stinks of bad air, as Nietzsche might say.
But if another upsets you, what is the point of keeping it hidden? Do you believe that you would be succumbing to a vulnerability to react negatively to the situation? If you believe that showing anger is to lower yourself to their level, you already have if you so much as try to prevent yourself from expressing that vulnerability, exactly because you feel it. It is a lie to hide what you feel. Only the fearful believe they have to present a particular image of themselves and hide away their authenticity. These people feel vulnerable, but take up the matter of their protection into their own hands as though they knew how to protect themselves. Instead, they might do better to know that such a pain is their own, and from it, there is no protection. I tell you again, only a fool thinks of his self-defense, for there is no protection to be had for it.
Therefore, relinquish your resentments and strive not for your own protection.
If you feel slighted or pained by another, know that you are free to act as you please without injury. If your brother injures you, it is not his, but your injury. Take responsibility for it, for it is your own. If you injure your brother, it is not his, but your injury. Take responsibility for it, for it is your own. Injury is not communicable. It cannot be spread around like a contagion. Where you see it, it is your own. Take responsibility for it. If you feel it, it is yours. Take responsibility for it. Own your own pain and let you not think another put it there or that you can give it to another. Attack is an illusion, because it is not possible. There is the feeling of pain, and the absence of pain, but no attack.
In this way, you will always know your brother's motives. Should he wish to attack you, you will know that it is only his own pain, and that it has not touched you. He has lashed out at you, but the whips never touched you. You did not feel them and forgive your brother, you felt them and forgave first yourself, which could not help but to then forgive your brother.
And this is healing.