I have had this problem:
I am nice even to those people who are not nice to me. It goes sometimes even to the point where I get verbally kicked into my face and still I am totally unable to be rude to them.
I basically try to avoid people who are not responding to my friendliness. It's not always possible (at work for example) and that's why I would need to change this "habit" of mine.
I do have to admit that I too have my limits and I will eventually say something when I get fed up. I can be very offensive when I get mad and then people really should watch out their actions concerning me.
The question here is:
Is being friendly to everybody a common NF problem, a common ENFP problem or is it just me trying to behave nicely with people?
I had and still have this problem to a large degree. I like the idea of respecting the humanity in everyone and I like social pleasantries and saying please and thank you.
I abhor anything that seems small to me. Smalll and cheap. I don't ever want to be like that, because it means somehow I've succumbed to the dark side of life and basically have failed my ideals.
I look at people who have obvious chips on their shoulders, are unhappy with their lives/jobs and try to make others feel bad as a result -- these people remind me of the patheticness and failings of humanity. These people scream insecurity to me as well. I don't want to telegraph as nakedly to the world how little confidence and pride in myself that I have. And mostly, these people have been
beat. they telegraph weakness to me. And I do not ever want to be beaten by life, nor do I want other people to succumb to negativity as well.
I have gotten over this inability to get out of 'nice' mode in previous years. After getting kicked enough times, I've basically gotten desensitized. I also believe it's very true, you should treat people the way they treat you and match their behavior most of the time.
It appeals to my ENFP sense of balance and fairness. Also, why reward assholes? I've also come to realize that for some people, social niceties are lost on them. It's a waste of energy. Go ahead and act like a jackass towards them, there's a good chance they will not
act like they care, will respect you more, or even find it funny. It's not being petty giving back what you get, it's
relating. Depending on your personal sensitivity levels, some people may just be very shy or awkward, not necessarily meaning to be rude or rebuff you.
And as I've gotten older, I've come to value myself as one of the rare people in the world who is an upbeat source of light and sincerely wants the best for people. Seriously, we ENFPs are very compassionate, friendly people and it's not fair that people try to bring us down because they like being mean and/or miserable. I have enough anger in me from just living and the daily experiences you go through to be in touch with negative feelings and more easily express them.
I now reserve a lot of my energies and attention on those who deserve it -- friends, family, small furry animals, chubby babies, and people I trust. Others? I can be much more noncommital and one of the non-smiling, even scowling somewhat callous hordes I would have previously been rubbed the wrong way by. In general, I am still one of the friendlier people you will meet. I have developed a thick skin so if I feel like it, I will continue to be friendly and frisky and in a good mood regardless of others noncommital reactions to me. I like to think that
I am in control of my happiness and behavior and mindset instead of being distraught that people around me are callous, cold, mean, or just nonresponsive and molding my behavior and feelings 100% on the external.
On the flip, you can discover religion (Buddhism is a good one) where you unlock your ego to overflow with compassion and love for everyone and not take it personally at all when people rebuff your social pleasantries and kindness. Basically you don't care because your world alignment is about something much bigger and different than just individual interactions.