What I saw was that you said you don't deliberately manipulate someone to cause them harm.
Then you did just that! An inconsistency either in your statement or in your values system. Yup.
Um...when did I manipulate someone on here?
Rogue said you had hurt her in your efforts to avoid a relationship with her and then did it again, publicly, when she again tried to approach you.
No, she directly insulted my initial post and then accused me of doing the same thing to her in an insulting manner.
You admitted then that you had been hurtful but that she deserved it.
Whether it was done privately or publicly, she did deserve it. If she had approached me privately, I would have been even more considerate in the matter. The fact that she addressed me publicly was the final straw.
To me that's a conflict in your values system. Think about it.
"I don't hurt anybody, but. . ."
What's the rest of this sentence?
My statement was that I don't intentionally hurt someone I CARE ABOUT when manipulating them.
Even people I have no emotional connection to I don't intentionally harm. The only people that I use harmful manipulation on would be my enemies or people I don't like.
Rogue is neither of those.
And if you think thats a conflict in my values system, then you clearly don't know me. I always make sure to reconcile my values with my actions. Otherwise, I would never act at all.
*If they deserve it? (By the way, that's what batterers and people who physically abuse children use for their excuse. Don't think you really want to go there.)
You don't want to go there either. Comparing me to child abusers is going too far Anja. Seriously.
*If I feel unable to handle the situation in any other way?
I really hate society's views on anger and violence. They're always seen as directly ignorant, when they're really not.
Anger, first of all is an emotion, granted, an emotion that must be controlled. But I don't think letting someone know you're angry is necessarily a bad thing.
Violence is just a tool to be used when diplomacy fails.
I know plenty of people who lash out when they don't know what else to do and feel satisfied with that. And they have ok lives.
Here's what no one fails to understand. This whole thing with Rogue HAS been going on for a long time. Months, in fact.
She's been pushing me and pushing me with her rants via e-mail and pm. And I've been very patient with her, always catering to her needs, and calming her down to avoid a confrontation. I've never lashed out at her, ever.
Her public post went too far. She brought a personal conflict to a public forum, and that was unacceptable. But she called it, and thats how I played it. There's nothing else to say. It was time for that to end.
What I saw could have been handled by a pm that stated that you are done with your relationship and then repeating it, if necessary, next it happened again. That would have saved both you and Rogue some dignity.
What relationship? Has anyone forgotten that she's married?
And also, the friendship was never over. Its just if I missed one e-mail or pm, then I'd get one the next day with her flipping out on me for no reason!!! I miss one e-mail and all of a sudden I must not like her anymore. I'm seriously not exaggerating.
Its very stressful to associate with somone like that.
I don't feel that my dignity was in danger at all. There were plenty of people on here who agreed with me.
A PM would have solved everything. But that wasn't for me to decide. Rogue made the initial post, as I've said above. The whole thing didn't have to happen.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. Hindsight is 20/20. If I knew then what I know now, I would have handled it differently. But judging where I was at the time, what I knew of the situation, and the mood I was already in, I can't fault myself for acting the way I did. I apologize for hurting anyone, but not for the action itself. Sorry.
It's a piece of my disappointment. I did expect you to manage this with the grace and humor I've seen before.
Well, usually I would have. The initial post that caused so much debate was a peice of that humor, till people made it into something big.
And if you notice, all the posts responding to the people before Rogue's initial post were posted with the goal of continuing for the most part that same fun sarcasm. It was her post that got me all riled up, and probably only because of our past interactions.
It was not my preference to display it to the world.
I won't lower my expectations just yet. Heh.
The only person's expectations I'm trying to meet are my own.
If they happen to coincide with yours, then great, I'm happy to call you a friend.
If not, then thats fine with me too.