PeaceBaby
reborn
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2009
- Messages
- 5,950
- MBTI Type
- N/A
- Enneagram
- N/A
PB, even other NFPs have explained to you why I am not receptive to your approach. We have very few conversations where you don't try to mentor me, but your comments seem personally driven rather than objective. You have loads of credibility for me in other areas, but not in this one. Yet you repeatedly and publicly hammer this point instead of giving some space and seeing if things change (and since the pattern has been reinforced for years, it will take lots of time for my perceptions to be replaced). You don't tend to look for neutral common ground first to relate, even though I know you have a heart of gold. I don't want to be mean or make you feel badly. Therefore, I generally don't interact a lot with you, as all roads always seem to lead back here. I already know you are hurt by my response. I'm already working on changing it, while not acting fake and insincere and maintaining the boundaries I need. Each time you reopen the topic, it undoes some of that and reinforces the reason I felt that way in the first place. Strong arming your way into my heart is not possible. However, I think you are smart, caring and very knowledgeable. I don't harbour any bad feeling toward you. In fact, outside of these discussions, I like you. I just don't feel enough on the same page as you to be besties, and I need you to respect that.
I do not wish to mentor you or be "besties". Although I think you too seem nice and kindly and would likely enjoy meeting you irl.
I'm simply using "us" at the moment as an illustration of one point on the spectrum of the very dynamic the thread discusses. You hold the power and have closed a door. (Not slammed, just closed.) I see this as for a reason that's really not been discussed yet. Now, you only have as much of my power as I give you. And I've given a fair bit away over time by approaching you in the manner you prefer etc. but am pulling mine back by again engaging you on a topic you do not wish to open. Your response is to strong-arm me actually, to hold the power card over my head and tell me you will not engage. You wish to dictate the terms of interaction. And project onto me a purpose for my actions that has the power to offend you yet I do not possess that perspective.
Do you see how this is working? Can you detach for a bit and see I am using "us" as an example here?