I identify a lot with LittleV's comments. What one person finds intolerable about INFJs won't necessarily bother another person. In my own experience, Ne vs Ni creates more friction than people generally recognize. I think the suggestions offered for how to get an INFJ to be open to your perspective ring true for me.
Along with that, Z Buck's comments about crying wolf and past track record are definitely true for me. Although I don't necessarily agree with the tone or delivery style that yeghor has used in this thread, I also find that intent and delivery make a tremendous difference for how receptive I am to hearing something that may be difficult to hear.
I will admit though that whether in written or spoken word, I have a bad tendency to skim for generalities. Upon rereading, or talking through something, I sometimes find that I over read emotional tone that may not have been intended (probably because my emotional tone generally IS a huge part of my message and if people ignore that, they often don't get the complete picture of what I'm saying.). I also sometimes find that I have missed important details that I need to take into account. In addition to that, I am a little stubborn and need to be convinced that I really am wrong through seeing how it affects the parties involved. That works much better when it is not delivered in a sledgehammer way, but when something is said and I am left to think on it for some time. I am responsive to criticism, although sometimes I need some private time for the frustration or hurt at hearing something to wear off, and will mull something over for a long time after someone says it to see what part of it is my own reaction, what their motives for telling me are, what our history contributes to the overall picture, and to solicit reactions from others.
This is a very minor example, but this year for lessons, I decided to have a parent meeting at the beginning and give an outline of the proposed concerts for the year that the children would need to attend. I invited parents to give me input and also to point out any conflicts etc. I figured that they needed more notice than I had given them the previous year, as everyone has very busy schedules. This was done in August. However, at Christmas time, I had all kinds of parents complaining about having to go to the only concert we were doing for Christmas - it was 15 minutes out of town, it might go until 8:30 and they figured that was late (the youngest child was 10!), the weather could be bad, they had other obligations the same day (which had been accrued long after I had given them the dates)...One family in particular publicly said the day before the concert that they just wished that teachers in the community would get together to plan dates so everything wasn't on the same day. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I was already driving two loads of people there, I had done everything possible to give them advance notice, and I had even given them choice about which concert we would do. In addition, I had cross-referenced my date with other teachers and put it on a public list so that they could avoid that date. I also had requested parents to be at lessons, where I give weekly reminders about concerts, and they had not come for the previous few weeks as they had been in the middle of a bunch of work engagements.
However, over the holidays, as I reflected back, I realized
1) This was a response out of frustration at being too busy. It wasn't personal.
2) I should have sent out monthly reminders of what dates were coming up so that people had it on their radar at all times. Part of the reaction was caused by suddenly realizing how busy they were and they didn't know how to fit everything in.
3) This is an education process so that parents understand that we are not doing concerts just as a performance opportunity, but rather it is part of teaching the families and children how to budget time, get organized, interact together and so on. It is the work of several years.
4) I need to communicate my vision more clearly, so that parents see that I am actually saving them time with their children in their personal lives, by developing routines and decision-making protocols. Most of the parents are at the beginning of their families, while I have seen a couple of generations of kids in music and learned a lot through that process.
5) One comment that is not harshly delivered does not have as negative a tone as I feel it.
6) In the future, maybe we do need to reconsider whether there is time for a concert at times of the year when people have a million other obligations.
I think the same has been true for my personal relationships, even though it often takes even longer, the more emotionally involved I am. If I am upset, there needs to be sufficient time for me to depersonalize the situation, before I am able to sort it out more objectively. Rarely is one person's or the other's perspective 100% accurate, and so it takes some time to try to sort out all of the details and decide what makes the most sense to do.
Another problem for me is waiting too long before voicing any frustration or resentment that is building (probably because I don't want to cause someone I care about pain) and bending too much, until it is the last straw and everything comes rushing out. I've realized over time that this is actually making the other person's decisions for them, and it is also not right to leave their input out of the equation till my mind is made up. That's something I'm working on doing differently, but it's still really hard for me to know when and how to bring something up or what is important and what is fleeting and petty. This is partially because it takes a long time for me to even know what I feel myself. I don't trust my own judgement until I have a lot of "evidence" built up to back up gut feelings. By then, I am less open to the other person's read on the situation if it doesn't seem to have any common elements with mine.
Because I haven't always drawn firm enough boundaries in the past, I probably am more sceptical now of just accepting another person's assessment of a situation as fact, particularly if it serves their interests for me to adopt their POV. I think I did once feel that any criticism of me was fact and it was highly embarrassing, especially if it was pointed out publicly. However, I think I am learning that it is better to have conflict and have things out earlier on and then you don't get to an impasse sort of situation later where you are so emotionally involved that you need distance to be able to let things cool off and where your POV on the situation is not set in stone. Sometimes I also need my attention drawn to a situation and although it stings a bit at first, I can come up with some improvements on my part for later.
I still would say that there are some people that I've decided it's just better to disengage with, because we are never going to see eye to eye, and nothing productive is coming out of the conflict. Sometimes that changes with time, and sometimes it doesn't.