I liked your post on "eggshells" up there. I thought it was pretty apt, and it was nice to see someone obviously so interested in us INFJs to take the time and care to try to deal with us.
Are eggshell moments the same thing as when an infj shuts others out and down because of some perceived hurt? I think wiki describes it best:
If so, I guess that we all have our ways of coping with pain. And as with other types, I guess the best way to support us is with gentle love. I think you express some good points in your post about how you deal with your infj regarding resuming your life, and essentially ignoring the infj (after a certain period of time), and that is a not-bad plan, but I do best when, after some space (like 12-18 hours), I'm teased back into communicating....by a loving friend. Otherwise I might just continue to feel pain in the form of "oh, I guess they really don't care about be much/enough after all." Irrational, I know.
Just sayin.
What helped a lot for me was when she and i were in person every day. We had a long distance relationship part of the time. I am very observant so in person was much easier. Prolonged long distance is trouble do to different communication styles. You can tell me everything is fine and I will take your word. In person I see that you aren't.
In person, egg shells starts as her acting out her stress. Then it becomes her wanting more attention for her feelings on whatever happened or topic. Then the withdrawing, even in person in rhe same house is a punishment to me to not have her affection and attention and love until her feelings are addressed more or change. What helped my infj is when I was confident, calm, relaxed, attentive, explained that I understood. Sometimes I don't think the infj is even sure why they are upset.
A balance between perfectionism and "Good enough."
A balance between low key and going out and being spontaneous helped. Setting up good healthy routines helped. Example my infj is a dancer but wasn't dancing. Then dance. She started doong that again. Don't just talk about your art, go create some even if imperfect.
When I wasn't around she wasn't able to sustain a lot of the positives for long enough periods, combined with the stress going on on her/our life.
Her best moments were the small ones, where she was in the moment not caring about her image, and making sure those things didn't get too prolonged or out of hand like a low level Estp.
It's a shame she disappeared for months and months. She ignored heart felt emails and phone messages. She never once contacted me to talk in person, on the phone, or email back and forth to work out problems. One phone call 7 months ago, very brief, one email very brief and one other email a few months later. Then two very brief calls 5-6 months later that i made that caught her by surprise. Her defensive anger, short, dictatorial stance didn't budge, just empty promises that I would be paid some time. The details, the back and forth long distance, too much alone time for her, jealousy of simple happiness of others, irrational thinking of not getting enough attention when she did, lazer focus on her vision to the point where nothing else mattered, including me. Then confusing facts and clarifying information or misinformation. Re-reading old emails looking for negative things to support that state of mind. She felt she had gotten everything out of me, and wanted more. We were and are so far apart on that one. It was very tough for me, especially long distance part of the time, to recognize the slide into the grip. If we were in person 100 percent of the time, perhaps the end result would have been different.
But no matter what, at some point my infj has to step up, reach out and want to talk, exchange dialogue, facts, feelings, etc.. because she has so many facts wrong. And she has so many wrong assumptions about what i think and feel.
For whatever reasons, mostly irrational, she panicked that her grand vision would not come to fruition. I came through as promised but it disn't matter. She changed, was a different person, lost balance and never recovered. Some things not having to do with me triggered this panic and fear with her. But I am receiving the blame. Now it has been all about her wishes and desires, zero reaponsibility to anyone or anything.
The only way things will get better for her would be to reach out to me. But she doesn't have the courage to do that. And she wrongly assumes I would be hostile instead of friendly. Wrong assumptions happen when you stop communicating. She chose to burn bridges with many. She chose to lie about me, and hide things. She can still come clean and get a great deal out of it but she is chosing the dark side still until someone forcefully stops her. She was a very principled person prior to that, very. It was beyond shocking.
It is very sad for me, very mind boggling. Some days are incredibly sad, like today. I think of endless good things that she threw away for no reason, for image, for grandiose visions. ....all the things I wasn't interested in as opposed to who she really was underneath. That part, she was the beat most compatible person I had met. I've tried every which way to get her to simply meet and make things better but 7 months later she hasn't budged one inch.