[MENTION=14749]BalanceFind[/MENTION] - the canadian girl has a point - neither my exwife or my father where narcissists, but the pattern of me finding in her character strengths i admired and connected with in my father (may he rest in peace) where very prevelent... which extended to seen in her character traits that i am starting to doubt she ever had. i'm just saying, it can happen positively to me, there's no reason it can't happen negatively.
but i am betting you don't want an analaysis, you want solutions. so this is my suggestion: give her a couple of months with no contact what so ever, in the mean time get advice from lawyers in your family (i'm assuming that's not just a jewish thing) or friends, and seek out contract-lawyers who will get the job as a whole rather then take money per consultation, so that if it gets to it, you have a wide selection to choose from and don't get rushed to go with the first representitve you find.
then try again, no attacks, no demands, in fact don't even talk about the past at all for a few meetings with her. bring her to the point where she is open to your perspective again, when she relates to you again, and only then see what you can do about it.
no idea if that would work - its advice i may have gotten a bit too late - but it might be worth a try.
My emotions are varied. Mostly impatient, frustrated, angry. But when I am having a good day, I will be better than that.
My word is gold. I said I was seeking solutions here and that I was willing to help others here. All true.
I've already done what you have suggested.
The civil case could take years. I put a lien on the house. Bank then owns it. Bank sells house and pays itself and then I get paid, as long as I win. Our case is strong. Criminal fraud case is much faster but much more expensive too. Police knock on her door. The idea with lien or police is to cause her to jump up and take the deal. If not, we keep moving forward legally. I have 7 years to do it. I have to wait several months at minimum to take legal action because of my costs. I want and be to space that out more. In order to get my money I have to spend a lot of it on attorney's. I know the lump costs of both. it's a lot.
So I don't have the leverage I want. She doesn't know that. I have been appealing to her values to accept a quality compromise. Nothing. When the legal situation and costs progress is when it will get ugly.
My deal is new for her. My lawyers contacting her was new for her. She was very defiant to my lawyers initially. Making a deal with me will decrease her assets, and her cash flow. That is one of her big sticking points. It is more than fair for her, But she wants it all so she doesn't have to have her financial situation get tighter. It is very difficult to get her to give up a big asset. she is already living in the house.
She doesn't want to give anything up. No compromise.
I don't know percentages why. Punishing me for hurt feelings, greed, narcissism. I gave her 6 months. Nothing but empty promisws that I would get my money, never saying how. Now she has a real deal in front of her. It has been a month. Nothing. It is our only deal. She rejected it quickly. I am hoping that she will change her mind on the deal. So basically I am trying to get her to take a specific deal and nothing else.
Getting her to meet in person in front of a 3rd party is what I really want. I am confident in my self that I may get her to do it. I don't think anyone else can.
She continues to not respond to phone calls and emails from me , her attorney, my attorneys, friends, no one. She doesn't really have an attorney because she doesn't want to pay an attorney.
She is calling our bluff right now. I don't have another card to play. I will have to wait only because of costs. Then out of the blue many months later, she will surprisingly hear from attorneys and or police.
Time is what matters to me. I am trying to get this do w now, 6 months ago. It is either a deal now, or a long wait for me to give the go ahead for more legal action.
I am just trying to get her to be calm and rational. he thinks everyone is attacking her. Well when you disappear for 6 months and not respond to repeated kind support, that happens. When she gets space, she takes it and runs farther away. When pressured she is short and defiant. I don't have any confidence that she will respond well to more space.
She knows I deserve this money. But her entire focus is herself. I am not successfully trying to get her to take the focus off of herself. I've tried all types of approaches.
She has simply vanished. Waiting for her has been very financially costly and stressful. It has also changed my life dramatically. I was all set to move in there. Now I have no house there and less money.
Waiting more isn't on my to do list.