^ I think too many INFJ's do not assert proper boundaries from the get-go, and therefore it can often be far down the road when they begin assering them: after the other person has become accustomed to the earlier dynamic built. I could see how it would easily confuse the other person in this case...if they don't see other sides of the INFJ until later on. The other sides are then probably viewed as 'unhealthy', when reality if the INFJ had had a better sense of self from the get-go, and a healthy balance of all sides, it wouldn't come as any surprise when these other sides emerge - since they were there from the beginning. So I think it behooves all INFJ's to not be waaaay too accommodating in the beginning. Any stepping back and reassessing of a dynamic far after the fact, that has become comfortable to the other, is going to be a rude awakening to the other.
Somehow I missed this earlier, but that sums it up for me! While you can get an INFJ to stuff their feelings, overaccommodate or acquiese for awhile, sooner or later once they are sure they are not insane for having the feelings they do, they will try to right the balance of it all. I agree that often this is at a stage where it is rather hard to change the dynamic and it also is a little unfair to the other person, particularly if those resentments haven't been voiced.
As I have hit my late 20s and moreso my thirties, I have found I am much more able to assert boundaries earlier on and therefore don't get to that stage of frustration where it's necessary to disengage nearly as often. I do have to really consciously be aware of my own tendancies though or else it's easy to fall into old patterns, particularly because most of the people I've been romantically involved with or are friends with are take chargey, extroverted people (usually first borns or only children!).
I don't like emotional surprises, and until I can be sure of what to expect, I tend to suck up most of the inconvenience or frustration because that bothers me less than unpredictable emotional fallout does. I have to really be aware that what I am doing actually can be frustrating or inconvenience others, as well as build up resentment on my part over time that is difficult to repair as easily.
I also am hypersensitive about seeming irrational. I have difficulty articulating the situation right in the moment, and so hate to call someone on something until I have had some time to think. Then, it seems petty to bring up, but the frustration isn't altogether diminished. It usually is fine as long as things are going well, but if something else occurs which confirms the previous pattern, all of those former events come rushing back and I feel taken for granted or decide something needs to change, which can be bewildering for the recipient.
Don't know if any of that is useful. I don't have enough details to say much about Mane's situation. In BalanceFind's, I think it seems apparent that this behaviour is outside the bounds of being explainable by MBTI alone. That dynamic of the INFJ suddenly getting their back up and trying to change things around may be a part of the equation in both situations, but I doubt that is all that is going on.