I've been reading some other similar threads. There's some interesting info.
One popular theme is that someone door slams because of fear of exposure, fear of humiliation. When I returned 5 months ago to silence...I was beyond worried something terrible had happened to her, zero clue it was intentional. I contacted a relative to check on her, someone I would never talk to on my own. Therefore, this would freak them out. I mentioned when asked briefly, what was going on...and she hadn't quite told this relative the truth in terms of her life. She also hadn't told people that I paid a lot of money for an expensive home with her. She was passing it all off as her own. She was outraged, and exposed inadvertently. There wasn't any big deal or secret, nothing to be ashamed about. Obviously my actions were not intentional in terms of trying to hurt her, though that's not how she took them. I was shocked at a door slam, had her tracked down, mentioned to a relative out of concern for her well being, etc...I'd do it again too if in same situation.
Prior to this "extra" door slam reasoning...not the initial....it was more that she was falling apart, and how dare I not see it. She was in over her head and how dare I not see it......those things are easily resolved with communication and action. No problem.
She is part rage and part fear of exposure to others. There are many people who don't know some of these things. And, I know she isn't being truthful with people. It is all self-preservation at all costs now. She wants money, she wants the image that she has with all these other people, that she has everything together all the time. She is quite good at flipping that switch and coming across as far better than she is doing. As I stated before, she sent me a forwarded email story out of the blue during the 5 month door slam and counting. It was a metaphoric story about someone falling apart and how the other person wasn't noticing it. But I did notice, I did help as best as I could. Unofrtunately she is lying stealing and cheating at this point. And all of that kind of behavior trumps any feelings. That's not close to me in terms of priorities. I'd listen for hours, days, weeks, months, years....but I can't listen if you don't speak. I'd also clear up misinformation too. And, I'd have been more than happy to talk about faults and or areas of improvement for myself. Compromise. Relationships are about compromise. There are plenty of things she and I both do and compromise on in our daily lives.
Anyway, she wanted me to rescue her from being in over her head. But, her solution sought was to spend a large sum of money to keep her self-indulgence going. That wasn't going to happen. And, immediately after that, I was door slammed.
I would normally be perfectly willing to reach out supportively here and there from a distance, over a period of time, even long period of time. But as stated, specific issues, responsibilities, other friendships, all need immediate attention.
In two calls that got through to her....she wasn't expecting my call...she was able to last a minute or so...but she wasn't stable...angry...non-logical, non-factual...even delusional....defiant...daring me to some extent.....that if and when I go to our new house, bad things would happen to me, police called, etc...ummm it's part my house. I worked a long time for it, and I've waited out of part sympathy for her state of mind, and great patience, for her to come around to reality. It just isn't happening.
My taking action, will increase her fears of exposure....just the brief contact has done that...it's almost as if she is surprised that I am doing this....and she is seething alone with rage....very very unusual and rare for her. She admitted to me that she hasn't been truthful with others about the situation. And, she refuses to sit down in person for a long back and forth conversation. Thanks all.
She may have hurt feelings, and there may be specific things where I am at fault, or could do better, or different, as could she, but...there is a line.
Interestingly enough, in all of the time I've known her....she only did something similar one time....by that I mean pout and refuse to speak...but it lasted maybe two days.
In this situation, she'll lose me whether temporary or permanent in her mind doesn't matter, a big deal...but in her mind, she thinks she won't lose the house, won't lose the friendships, won't lose the image she has created with people local and International. It's as if she thinks she can keep everything, and cut me out...in part for hurt feelings, and part fear of exposure of her wrongdoings. Instead of confronting and solving problems, she's on the run, hoping, desperately that she won't be exposed. Sad part is she didn't need to live up to an image in the first place. Every single one of these people loved her uncondtitionally. But she never saw that. ...including me. And, yes, she knows it, a million times over. She just refuses to believe it. Sad.