I know this's an old thread but I feel like the need to get my mind out since I experience pretty much the exact same thing with the author of this thread..
I literally broke all of my friendship because of my own fault. It's already about one and a half year that I broke my 8 years old friendship because I had a hard time trying to make conversation more cheerful for the other side. I had severe depression that makes me see all things negative and because of that, whenever my friend chat with me, I always tell them what I felt but because like every single time for over 3 months of our conversation filled with my own negativity towards things in my life, I figured they got tired from it and eventually slowly but surely distance themselves from me and just like that, our 8 years old of friendship gone. After that, whenever I chat them, I didn't even get any reply for like a week and thus I know that my chat is not considered important for them anymore because maybe they thought they need to listen to my negativity if they reply too quickly.
Secondly, I even broke my current friendship with friends in my college. I made stupid mistake and even though they said they 'forgave me' but I can see that they didn't want to be my friends no more and it's been half a year now that I literally didn't have any friends. I'm not gonna lie, I delete ALL of my social media and chat apps because no one ever contacted me anymore. The point of me having social media and chat apps just making me see things more negative because I saw all of my 'friends' happy times and here I am all alone by myself. I literally sat by myself during classes, become that anti-social kid that plays their phone during breaks just to make it seems like they're busy but actually just because they had no one to talk to and no one ever care to talk to them. Yeah, that's me.
And the worst part of it?
I eventually hated and despise all things called 'friendship'. If you ever talk to me about friends, even more the so called 'best friend forever' I will immediately say that all of that is a big BS. I stand by myself because no one could understand how my minds works, not so far as understanding, they're not even want to listen to what I had in mind. For me, the only things called 'friends' is the one that you only could talk about trivial things and no passing that point because seriously, I tried to open myself several times to my 'friends' yet all they did was just shove off my words, just like that. It doesn't mean a thing for them, even though as an INFP it is really hard to open yourself to people, but I did try, for the sake of my friendship but see where did I ended up? Alone. Yes, that's right. All of my effort trying to open up myself in hope so that people can understand me better has zero meaning. In the end, no one can understand me. Heck, no one has ever even tried to understand me.
I hate my 8 years friends because I think they should know the real me and can keep up with me and I feel like it's not fair for them to just end our relationship just because they can't keep up with my negative thought, I hate my current friends because they told me they forgive me yet in reality all of that is just sweet-coated words and no other than lie, meaningless words. I hate because I expect 'friends' to be the one that could understand you to some point yet in the end I could see no one, not even my 8 years friend could understood who I really was.
Most of all, I hate myself. I hate myself for expecting too much from them and getting even more devastated by it when I knew they're not like what I expected. I hate myself because I saw and think of them this way. I hate myself because I can't get out from all of this negative emotions. In fact, all of my effort seems just to make me going deeper in this black hole.
So yeah, if you want to know what does an unhealthy INFP look like, there's one real life example here.
I literally broke all of my friendship because of my own fault. It's already about one and a half year that I broke my 8 years old friendship because I had a hard time trying to make conversation more cheerful for the other side. I had severe depression that makes me see all things negative and because of that, whenever my friend chat with me, I always tell them what I felt but because like every single time for over 3 months of our conversation filled with my own negativity towards things in my life, I figured they got tired from it and eventually slowly but surely distance themselves from me and just like that, our 8 years old of friendship gone. After that, whenever I chat them, I didn't even get any reply for like a week and thus I know that my chat is not considered important for them anymore because maybe they thought they need to listen to my negativity if they reply too quickly.
Secondly, I even broke my current friendship with friends in my college. I made stupid mistake and even though they said they 'forgave me' but I can see that they didn't want to be my friends no more and it's been half a year now that I literally didn't have any friends. I'm not gonna lie, I delete ALL of my social media and chat apps because no one ever contacted me anymore. The point of me having social media and chat apps just making me see things more negative because I saw all of my 'friends' happy times and here I am all alone by myself. I literally sat by myself during classes, become that anti-social kid that plays their phone during breaks just to make it seems like they're busy but actually just because they had no one to talk to and no one ever care to talk to them. Yeah, that's me.
And the worst part of it?
I eventually hated and despise all things called 'friendship'. If you ever talk to me about friends, even more the so called 'best friend forever' I will immediately say that all of that is a big BS. I stand by myself because no one could understand how my minds works, not so far as understanding, they're not even want to listen to what I had in mind. For me, the only things called 'friends' is the one that you only could talk about trivial things and no passing that point because seriously, I tried to open myself several times to my 'friends' yet all they did was just shove off my words, just like that. It doesn't mean a thing for them, even though as an INFP it is really hard to open yourself to people, but I did try, for the sake of my friendship but see where did I ended up? Alone. Yes, that's right. All of my effort trying to open up myself in hope so that people can understand me better has zero meaning. In the end, no one can understand me. Heck, no one has ever even tried to understand me.
I hate my 8 years friends because I think they should know the real me and can keep up with me and I feel like it's not fair for them to just end our relationship just because they can't keep up with my negative thought, I hate my current friends because they told me they forgive me yet in reality all of that is just sweet-coated words and no other than lie, meaningless words. I hate because I expect 'friends' to be the one that could understand you to some point yet in the end I could see no one, not even my 8 years friend could understood who I really was.
Most of all, I hate myself. I hate myself for expecting too much from them and getting even more devastated by it when I knew they're not like what I expected. I hate myself because I saw and think of them this way. I hate myself because I can't get out from all of this negative emotions. In fact, all of my effort seems just to make me going deeper in this black hole.
So yeah, if you want to know what does an unhealthy INFP look like, there's one real life example here.