Wow, Didn't think this would get so much attention so quickly, Thanks guys for the replies! learning alot here
Concerning INTPs I've known.....(sorry so long....found it easier to copy + paste from a post elsewhere online)
We definitely connected intellectually; a major plus was that we both could discuss these interests (ie. literature, art, music, philosophy, science, etc), and we were both able to be open about our feelings. Even they were surprised at how open they were (but I get that with people a lot). I could also be cynical in my expressions without criticism from one INTP, and he'd do the same with me....we'd egg each other on actually, and then both end up talking the other out of such a negative mindset. Most people would just correct me immediately or write me off as a downer, which I find frustrating. Neither of us offered the other cliche advice either...there was just a listening, an understanding, and then a confirmation of the other's own realization for a solution.
The downside was the "button pushing". The INTPs I dealt with could get belligerent, and would become condescending in asserting their beliefs. The logic blinders would go on, and they'd get so "objective" with their opinions that they'd forget who they were talking to and end up totally insulting my intelligence, even berating me. I realize it was a sort of "intellectual venting", but having that taken out on me was exhausting, and it became downright verbally abusive at times (including rather petty, vicious name calling from the INTP). Then they'd get mad because I'd take it "personally", but they made it personal by attacking my views & character so they could soothe their pent up anger at the irrational world.
I also got tired of having to explain in detail every belief/feeling I had. If I was not up to making an argument for every belief I expressed, then my feelings were dismissed by them. I find that disrespectful and degrading. I don't owe an explanation of every belief I have, and it's a courtesy when I do consent to explain my views. Just because I don't explain my thinking does not make it unreasonable, but the INTPs would not accept that, and they'd needle and needle me until I got mad (and most people call me patient in this respect). Sometimes to break my feelings down into purely intellectual terms is nearly impossible, or it would take such large amount of explanation that it would drain me to try. When I decline to explain myself, it is not because I don't have a good reason; it's that I don't have the energy. I especially won't use that energy if I suspect it will just be dismissed anyway, since it comes from an evaluative, idealistic reasoning (as opposed to dry, black & white logic). I didn't ask the INTPs to put their reasoning into feeling terms, and I'm perfectly capable of seeing the validity in their thoughts, so I can't see why they were so obtuse to mine (where is their Ne?!).
I don't even mind being probed a bit. What I dislike is this sort of "prove it to me" attitude, as if the INTP is the sole arbiter of all that is true in the world. I need someone to respect me as an intellectual peer. I don't mind explaining my reasoning process to a point, but I do mind the condescending attitude. I don't have a hard time grasping the reasoning of another person & their perspective, without it being detailed & broken down completely. I suppose INFPs are seeking a holistic grasp of their viewpoint, and I don't see why Ne is failing the INTP there. I suspect the pedantic approach stems from some insecurity of theirs; I don't know what else to chalk it up to. They didn't seem to learn to ever give the benefit of the doubt, even with people they generally respect. Funny how they could not stand the same scrutiny in return though.... It just all seemed arrogant and hypocritical to me.
Another major problem was, these INTPs would never apologize & never admit when they were wrong. They'd always make some excuse instead of owning up to a mistake. This can be a weak spot in me also, but hanging out with them highlighted my compassionate & humble side. They'd also seem very unaware or in denial of their own emotional motivations. Emotional motivations come through loud & clear to an INFP, like nails on a chalkboard, and when someone claims they are objective or unbiased when they are not, it just seems delusional & arrogant. Basically, the tiffs which ended these relationships could have been resolved with a sincere apology & admitting of an irrational moment. I found myself making peace, but I never saw an effort on their part, so I'd cut them out of my life. It's needs to be a two-way street when it comes to compromise.
One INTP learned to let things go and the relationship went along well, but he was in therapy and on meds at the time (he has a LOT of issues from childhood trauma...). Then he got the bright idea to quit both, and it all went downhill very fast (he was VERY emotionally unstable). I sometimes got the feeling he was so insecure that he wanted to come to hate me so he could reject me before I rejected him. It seemed like he picked arguments for this reason....if he could see me as shallow, stupid, and unreasonable as he saw most people, then he could get over me and not risk any hurt. Sometimes he would get mad if I agreed with him. It's like he wanted me to disagree so we could argue. I get the impression it made him feel less "unique" when people actually did understand his views (no doubt he was a 5w4).
My uncle is also INTP, and unique to him compared to the above guys is the way his inferior Fe plays out (probably as he's older). He is super sensitive to rudeness in others, yet oblivious to his own rudeness (which he has a rep for in the family). I've noticed this with INTPs online also. They can be flippant, rude, offensive, etc, but if someone else is, then they are horrified. Major blind spot I guess... My uncle is more stable emotionally than the other INTPs I've dealt with, but just as condescending and dismissive.
Anyway, I do best with them when I keep them at arm's length. I've been casual friends with an InTP since kindergarten, and we get along fine, but we have no real connection beyond interacting socially in groups.
No problem about the length of the post, It was interesting to read your experience, I'm sorry that you had to go through that, ugh, it must have been hell. Yeah I've come to hate arrogance, in others and in myself, I think having a developed Fe for INTPs is definitely the key, I think having an INFP gf and best friend really helped me not fall into the rut, or trap, rather, of INTP arrogance. I do think, Fe does allow the INTP (and me personally) to become more sensitive, even hypersensitive to the emotions of others, Therapy also helps, getting a different perspective on things, I guess it also helps to be just a bit reflective and not try to have a monopoly on 'truth'. I can relate to the description of your uncle (and other INTPs) in bold, I definitely try to filter myself from being rude or offending others, and when I do, I tend to withdraw [I attribute to having a 9 trifix], It does seem that the type has caused more harm than good though =/, which is rather disappointing to hear.
maybe you get along well due to your 5 with a 4 wing?
I would agree, that might certainly be the case, I once read (I believe on INTP Central a while ago, yay lurking) that 5w4 INTPs are within the minority of INTP's, most are 6's or 5w6's or 9's apparently, though I'm not sure about the authenticity of this claim. I think being an sx/sp 5w4 makes the relationship quite odd, as I can appear sort of like an INFJ, perhaps why I get on quite well with them, not so much ENFPs, they seem to lose interest and finding another shiny object of interest to gravitate towards lol.
I like them.
One of my best and longest running friends is an INTP, i've known him for nigh on twelve years now, and although i've fought with him like no one else (one of the fight i remember was when he was actually explaining MBTI to me and we figured out that i was INFP, he would constantly defer back to things i would say and do as being "Sooo INFP", which drove me utterly mad and i would yell at him that i was more than just a function. Oh the irony.), we still always make up and stay friends. He understands me in a way that my other friends dont and he wont put up with any of my emotional BS. Which, is a good thing, really.
I love the awkwardness they have, that kind of wraps around this vast intelligence.
I'm also probably biased as the parental unit i relate to and have a good relationship with is an INTP, so it kind of sets me up for liking them.
I've been involved with three INTP's and one INTJ, romantically INTx is kind of my weakness =/
I can relate to the experiences in bold, I ended up teaching my INFP best friend about the MBTI and we often have this reoccurring dialogue in which I point out she's being such an INFP, or that was such INFP thing to say,
it's all in good fun really. I don't think we intend it to see you as functions, not at all (at-least for me) it's moreso a way of implementing a theory, or working with a theoretical construct in our head, we definitely aren't taking away the totality of your being by saying 'you're being such an INFP', it's an expression of who you are, not that you are these qualities or just these functions and that's it, frankly anyone who just treats you as a function commodity isn't treating you as friend or as a human being and has their own shit to sort out, but I think emotionally stable INTPs are well-intentioned.
Cold blooded unless they want/need something from you.
Oooo Bad experience eh?, feel free to vent, just know we aren't all that bad, or all want something from you, dammit there really needs to be more healthy INTPs in the world, what the hell is wrong with us? =/
I prefer INTPs as friends, doesnt work as lovers with them. Mostly no lasting chemistry....
, As an INTP with an INFP girlfriend [so/sx 4w3], that's really depressing to hear, I think if the similar qualities that we hold are embraced and both parties aren't too stuck in their ways and are willing to learn from each other and 'grow', it could work and the chemistry can be fostered, or has longevity rather. lol, maybe being a 5w4 does help in the long-term.
^it might sound messed up but I believe some INTPs like myself simply like to put other NFs through "the gauntlet". Its not because we don't like you or wish you pain, rather it interesting to observe how you will react or respond on various different levels or cantos. Its almost vampiric If its any consolation mostly we put the NF though the gauntlet we are actually interested in who they are and respect their intuition, however it is quicker to acquire and digest this information if we simply treat the NF like guinea pig
lol hmm I've never had the need to test the reactions of NF's, I think perhaps some INTPs may forget the fact that they are dealing with human beings that are able to react and not test subjects, even though the prospect of figuring out what makes them tick is definitely alluring, I guess i give them the benefit of the doubt, that they have some inkling, some shred of introspective knowledge that we can sort of probe inwards and find why they react to things, lol " it is quicker to acquire and digest this information if we simply treat the NF like guinea pig"
yeah!! lol, no delay in results either ^_^
some of them i want to hunt down with my bows and arrows
get that startled "bambi-just-saw-its-mother-get-shot" in their eyes
and then bind their hands and feet and throw them at the back of my truck.
then i'll put on my elmyra costume. slow, slow death.
delicious.
y'know that might just work, I say give it a try! lol if anything you can have 'I killed an NT' bragging rights =P