- Tell me what I think
- Tell me what I feel
- Ignore the words I choose carefully to say exactly what I mean and instead read your own subtexts into them
And this kind of thing makes me homicidal:
A: Would you like me to call on you later and help you with that?
Me: No, thank you, if you could just drop this off for me on your way home, that'd be of the most help to me, I'd really appreciate that.
(later)
Me: Why are you here? Did you drop it off?
A: No I didn't, I thought I'd do it next week instead, but I thought I'd call you on anyway to check you're okay
Me: I said there was no need to... I wanted that dropped off today and it's too late now
A: Well I know you said that, but I thought it didn't really matter when it was dropped off, and I thought you were just saying I didn't need to call so as not to impose on me, I thought you'd probably need some help anyway.
Me: Ah. Well actually no, I kinda meant what I said, that's why I said it? That's going to really give me trouble now that you didn't drop that off, and to be honest, though I appreciate you caring and all, all the calling round in the world isn't going to lessen the stress of worrying about that not being there in time now, it won't solve the problem. If you'd just dropped it off then it would've solved the problem.
A: Oh well you should've said it was like that
Me: [thinking: you fucking idiot, I shouldn't have to scratch open my heart and show it to all and sundry just to get a simple instruction followed by someone who claims to want to help and support me! can't you just assume and trust that I have good reasons for the things I do?] Oh well, it's done now. I suppose I'll have to try and fix it somehow...
A: Would you like some help?
Me: No thanks, there's nothing really anyone else can do, it's got to be done by me, I'm the only one with clearance...
A: Oh... sorry... have I made more problems for you?
Me: [thinking: yes you fucking have! though I know you didn't mean to] Well, don't worry, I'll sort it out [thinking: why am I reassuring them when they were supposed to be the one helping me?]
(later)
A: Are you angry with me?
Me: What for?
A: For screwing up earlier
Me: No [truth - I know they had good intentions, nothing to forgive, but I won't trust them with anything important again]
A: Are you sure?
Me: Yes
A: It's just that you seem angry, that's all
Me: Well, I'm not
A: See? You're being quite curt...
Me: What? I'm just answering your question...
A: Yeah I know, it's just the WAY you answer...
Me: [thinking: what am I supposed to do? fucking hug you or something? Hey, A, you created a month of stress for me by not following a simple instruction because you thought you knew better what I felt and needed than me, come here, give us a hug! it's alright! ] Well, I'm sorry to come across that way, but I'm honestly not angry
A: I think you are, I think we should talk about it
Me: Well, I'm kind of getting angry now because you're pressing the issue and sorta prying into my feelings, and you won't just listen and believe the things I say so I feel like it doesn't matter what I say. But I wasn't angry before.
A: See? you're angry with me! Why don't you share your feelings with me?
Me: Well, I just did, and you complained that I was angry with you.
A: Because you were hiding it from me
Me: No, I wasn't. I disclosed to you that I was getting angry as soon as I started to....
A: [drama]