^ Well long story short, we have known each other a long time- and it was a continued cycle of do we want to be together or not. So the last time I asked her, really the first time I was really ready to try, she told me no, and didn't give me a good reason. Left me hanging. Then about 18 months later, she came back around, and I was guarded. I knew I liked her, but I wanted some assurance that she was in it for me, since we ended on what I saw as real awkward terms. I think she sensed that, and she was kind of tight as well. I just know I was very surface with her. I wasn't hiding anything, I just wasn't ready to really open up. I wasn't sure what I was looking for, or I thought that's what it was.
Really there were external things happening that was affecting me- the largest of them was work. We got back together right after I changed jobs, and that was a big transition, and I didn't like my job. I didn't realize then how much that affected my attitude and outlook on things. Our relationship suffered as well. So after the break up last year it was about me- figuring out that I hated my job (really my boss), and figuring out that I have feelings (a big AHA moment), and that I had to stop being so tight, with friends, family, and all of that. Learning about the weaknesses and blindspots of my MBTI type, especially in relationships. Reconnecting spirtually and with my friends and family, all that important stuff. So by the end of the year I was a totally different person, more capable of dealing with her.