What you're saying is true about insults becoming insults upon receipt and not upon dispatch, but so what?
Yes, in my mind one can make a case that if someone goes around calling everyone an a-hole all the time, it's everyone else's fault if they take it personally (because they could just 'ignore him')... but that is purely a theoretical outcome.
Realistically, someone who would do that would be disruptive to community and soon ostracized. It's the probable outcome. It's how people actually work (so in this case theory is unrealistic).
Communication means announcing your intentions ACCURATELY, and if you're going to purposefully and consistently use a particular vocabulary or style that others will react to in a way you didn't intend, then you're not communicating well.
(Sorry, I've deviated away from Victor here and am just making a general case about Nadir's comment.)
It's interesting isn't it. First I stir a negative reaction in you, then I have a choice, I can respond in kind with another negative reaction or I can save myself and you from the abyss of negativity.
It's rather interesting. Because I wonder why you just don't avoid the negativity to start with, rather than having to pull back. (When someone starts out negative, I eventually will push... and expect a push back since that's where the pattern seemed to go. This is like an odd two-step, where one person steps away when the other steps forward.)
I am not quite sure why I do this. Two things come to mind. First, I am attention seeking and second I raise the emotional temperature. I suspect it is because I fear I won't get what I want.
It's possible. Fear is a motivation for a lot of behavior...
So I think I am reacting to my perceived rejection. Of course I should reality test my perceived rejection to see how true it is. But in the meantime I limp along in my neurotic fashion. Alternating, interestingly, between rejection and acceptance.
As far as I go, if I feel someone is being honest, making an effort to communicate (speak and listen), then I will engage. (This is why I've ignored some things you've written, but when you become honest like this, about your motivations and concerns, I can't really help but talk to you.) Some other people might not operate that way, but I've figured out that I do.
In the meanwhile, I might push on your ideas, but there's no intended slight on you as a person if I challenge the things you've said.
Often coming in with an idea and explaining how it works, without operating from the "fear" base (which tends to make people defensive or aggressive), and accepting challenges if the idea is a little different from the norm, usually results in the better communication.
I can already tell that you're intelligent, so that is not an issue. I just want to see the underlying support for your ideas, which sometimes are presented in a way that seems needlessly antagonistic or aggressive. And if you're willing to take a little risk by just offering your ideas instead of pushing them (leaving it up to the listener to accept or reject), I know I'll meet you in the middle.