Totenkindly
@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2007
- Messages
- 50,360
- MBTI Type
- BELF
- Enneagram
- 594
- Instinctual Variant
- sx/sp
Maybe you should find another boyfriend to keep you company during the week.
Niiiiiiice.
(Or wait... was this a volunteer move?)
It's just a thought (I'm an IxTP, for reference), but one surefire way with me to initiate conversation even if I'm off in la-la land and not interested in the existence of humanity is to bring up topics I'm interested in intellectually. I can smell false enthusiasm a mile away, but a quiet "I just wrote a story, *what do you think of the plot?" would be golden. I love connecting with certain people, just more on an intellectual plane normally.
There's that. Those things are good; and YES, there's a 'smell' around false enthusiasm and/or just making small talk that can be initially repulsive.
Strictly emotional, talking about how one's day is contact would be draining for me.
That too. I think I was approaching my mid-30's before I began to appreciate someone coming up and unloading the details of their day on me. Before that time I literally felt my life and energy seeping out through my toes in the first 1-3 minutes of such narratives...
I think another issue is that we describing the legendary and trademark detachment of the ITP. All information is detached from the person bearing it and weighed for accuracy/truth/consistency. The EFJs here seem to be viewing information naturally as connected and unable to be detached from the speaker, which is sort of the opposite of the ITP. The ITP's natural bent is VERY useful in terms of evaluating information for consistency and content-truth; however, it is naturally detrimental if the whole point of the exchange was a personal (rather than an informative) one.
This is why ITPs doesn't bother texting back, without being more well-rounded. The information itself is parsed, while the relational aspect is ignored/dismissed in order to remove bias. I think if one can get a sense of relationships having different goals, thus changing the context, then things can work; but if the ITP does not leave the instinctive frame for information exchanges, they'll shirk the relational aspects.