So from what youre saying, you guys go in with the same basic motivation of understanding the other side, but get lost down the rabbit hole after a certain point. Ok, I can see that. My question is then whats the middle ground? A Js natural tendency is going to be to either reign you back in or cut you loose, and would tend towards the latter. What would be your advice for me if Im trying to come to some kind of an understanding with an NTP that I have a disagreement with?
No, we don't get lost in the rabbit hole, per se. When we are explaining things, we may draw parallels - but if you start correcting/challenging the
parallels, we have to defend those first before we can get back to where we started. But we always know the main point and it's clear to us.
Ok, let me stop using "we" because I shouldn't really speak for everyone else... I get frustrated with my ENTJ sis because whenever I say something, she says "I know, I know" when she clearly doesn't know. If she wants to avoid an explanation, she should just say "I know you are trying to make a point but honestly, I don't want to hear the details - so please, just get to the point" and that will put me right back on track. Because I hate long winded shit and I hate being long winded. If you are honest about not caring, I respect that and it makes me like you more actually, because I really don't like explaining shit. But if you engage me in an argument, you will get one until it is done.
Or she'll say "that idea won't work" and I want to know why she thinks that, but she won't explain it - she'll just shut it down and move on. This will piss me off. If I've worked on something for a while or thought a concept through and you see a flaw in my logic and don't tell me what it is... nothing,
nothing will make me madder. Explain yourself or keep quiet in the first place. In other words, if you engage me in this type of conversation, prepare to explain yourself. And prepare to be challenged.
I would never drop "something horrible happened to me last week" to an ENFP unless I was prepared to talk about it, ya know? The key is to just stop engaging. Don't
dismiss me - acknowledge that you see I'm trying to say something - and tell me that it's simply not important to you. It works because I don't want to waste your time, or mine.
EDIT: Digest has it exactly right, and did it more concisely than I did. Just say you're not interested and walk away.