@ tcda:
I don't know what to say about your situation. I can be somewhat of a friendly sourpuss and do stuff like your friend did so I've got no real defense.
In my case, it wouldn't have been a flippant blow off, it simply would've meant that I didn't really want to talk to you and I tried to do it "nicely," i.e. by exchanging emails if you asked for it, maybe even phone numbers, giving a non-committal (or what I hope is understood as non-committal) "maybe we'll talk later."
I strongly believe in allowing a person the opportunity to escape a situation gracefully with as little drama as possible. If she's is trying to escape gracefully, you're not allowing her to do so. I know people are always advocating direct communication and the "just tell them!!" approach but that is often difficult in situations like this. I don't want to watch a guy's crestfallen face if I have to say to him, I'm not interested in taking this conversation or interlude any further and I don't want to give you my number or email. Now I've taken to telling people "Have a nice life!
" because I don't want any misunderstandings to occur and possibly be the source of discontent on an internet thread.
Have you considered that she just isn't that into you and isn't responding to you as enthusiastically as you'd like because of this? I guess to me there are some things you've just got to understand and pick-up on with how people communicate. People say things like "I'll see you later" "Let's have dinner sometime" and "I love you, I want your children" without really meaning it. I personally, work on distinguishing when people mean their statements or when they're just saying them to be cordial and un-prickish. Because for some odd reason I have this feeling that if you I told a person 'I don't really want to see you again unless it's casually with groups of people around,' it won't be well-received. But believe it or not, I may completely not mind seeing them again because I thought they were fun, but I don't want it to get any deeper than casually hanging out.
If you think there is some romantic interest, why don't you ask her out? Personally, I think you can string a person along forever via email, Facebook, and texts and those are not reliable methods of assessing interest. Ask her out for coffee or some other relatively low-stakes way of assessing interest because when you're in person you can tell these things better. If that goes well and you get a good feeling, then ask her out again. There's probably a universe of non-verbal communication happening between you two and very important detail that are being left out. What can we here know about what this person is thinking? What does saying she's an ENFJ tell us (nothing really)?
I have questions :hi:
Outwardly, ENFJs seem (to me anyway) to be the least characteristically NF of the NFs. Its like ENFJs can effectively walk that thin line between the sensor world and the intuitor world. It seems like your practicality and that friendly, harmonizing ability that Fe provides you, means you are better at 'playing the game' - something all intuitors struggle with to a degree. Or perhaps its just that you can express your idealism in a more realistic, coherent and digestible format.
So (with all this in mind) what is it about yourself that makes you feel like a NF? How does your NF-ness express and reveal itself, particularly on an everyday level? And how do you see yourself in relation to other NFs?
I look forward to enlightenment.
OK, I may not be the right person to answer this.
From an typological perspective, I don't believe there should be a group of people called "NFs." It should be NP or NJ. I'm not trying to start a derail on this, but I think it's part of why I don't identify with being an NF. When you say "least characteristically NF" what do you mean? I'm going to use this a the working definition for what is considered an NF:
Needs and Values
The core needs are for the meaning and significance that come from having a sense of purpose and working toward some greater good. They need to have a sense of unique identity. They value unity, self-actualization, and authenticity. People of this temperament prefer cooperative interactions with a focus on ethics and morality. They tend to trust their intuition and impressions first and then seek to find the logic and the data to support them. Given their need for empathic relationships, they learn more easily when they can relate to the instructor and the group.
Talents
They tend to be gifted at unifying diverse peoples and helping individuals realize their potential. They build bridges between people through empathy and clarification of deeper issues. They use these same skills to help people work through difficulties. Thus, they can make excellent mediators, helping people and companies solve conflicts through mutual cooperation. If working on a global level, they champion a cause. If working on an individual level, they focus on growth and development of the person.
If I am an ENFJ (I typically type myself as ExFJ), I have very, very strong Se, but not really the type that makes me what to jump out of a plane although that sound like something I'll do eventually.
I know people that share a similar worldview and core values to me and people who don't. The largest bank of NFs I have access to are the ones here, and there are NFs that I that I want to hug and kiss and those who I want to come through the computer screen and throttle. I guess that's not enough for me to feel like we have something in common. To me, I feel less romantically inclined or into deep self-discovery and more socially aware and politically focused than NFs here. Which may indicate I'm not an "NF" at all!
Generally for ENFJs I think that tertiary Se if developing in a healthy manner tends to be a very grounding. Of course, it depends on how comfortable the person feels delving into it and also strength and usage of the function. IRL, I hope to convey myself as approachable, receptive, and personable. I don't want to come across as ethereal or otherwordly (I don't even think I could) because then I feel like people have problems relating to me and I to them. And when you do this, I think you have a richness of information to tap into (perhaps that's Si?) that people can understand. You learn how to reach people where they're at, people see you as like them, and you learn how to communicate in different languages. That's ideally of course, I'm not there yet but I can see how to get there.
I like to think of Se as the ways and means to getting something done. To me it automatically grabs for something currently relevant as support to Ni. I know for me (and I don't know if this is Fe+Pe or not) but I love pop culture and current culture and putting things in terms of what people can look around them and plainly see. If they can't see it, then I'll grab some crayons and magic markers and draw it out for them. LOL, one thing to this very day people ask me is if I'm a teacher. I think one of my good qualities is I have more patience towards connecting the dots
for people, I don't necessarily mind showing why A leads to B instead of automatically assuming it should be obvious, which definitely comes across as concrete. I like giving examples and having examples given to me and creating realistic mental pictures of situations, scenarios, and events so that things become real to people and not some far away unthinkable thing. It makes things seem less intimidating and more doable to people or it bring things to their awareness that maybe they should be looking out for or thinking about.