Another debbie-downer...
eh. i'm kinda just tired of being enfj, as of late. i wish i didn't care so much, and had an ability to just let go of folks that are not good for me. i hate seeing opportunities/potential in people and situations that normal folks would have normally walked away from.
frustrating that i know i have to take care of myself more, yet i also know that i derive the greatest joy by taking care of others.
I've been feeling this a lot lately. I'm almost constantly frustrated with this "Cassandra" complex... seeing where things are heading in other people but feeling completely out of the power to do anything about it. I used to feel power in persuasion. The power to help others
realize what I saw in them. I was completely unaware of how unintentionally manipulative I can be. My recent relationship has killed that ignorance. Now I feel like I'm always scrutinizing & second guessing my Ni. And I have so much trouble enjoying anything (Se) when I haven't "solved" the crisis of being sooo uncertain.
Do you go in waves, where you're outgoing/friendly, and then turned inward and overly thinking about your emotions and stuff going on in life? Ie happy extroverted wave, then very Ni/Ti/Fi wave where you go round and round in your head thinking and feeling inside about things you've done, want to do, impressions on others, etc etc? Can even get unhealthy if you don't pull yourself out back to the present. I'm talking, so caught up on your own thoughts that you can just get disconnected from what's going on around you at that moment (Se).
I have been doing that for about a year now. I usually go through something similar every couple years. But its never this extreme, and it never lasts like this. It has gone on so long now that my "waves" can be measured during the course of an hr. - Extro happy, Se like an octopus trying to reach out & enjoy everything I can while I feel that way. Then as fast as it came, I'm doubting
everything again. I feel like I'm in constant danger of losing "myself" because of it. I think its getting better though because I am much less anxious than I was when it really started getting bad.
Its quite possible that, because we are ENFJs, we will never be out of this loop while we aren't being reminded of our "worth" somehow. The "happy" part of the cycle seems to come after some affirmation of a relationship or my optimism or intuition. But in the past, the only times I actually got in this "rut" was when my environment made me question how "needed" I actually was to those I care for (for an extended period).
And I've become almost obsessed with doing things for me lately, or trying to "take care" of myself... but it still seems to fall short all the time.