It wasn't easy! Moving forward will be a challenge, too. I have to let go of a lot of the old emotions that I associate with romance (because despite their intensity they have nothing to do with love) and almost start from scratch.
Yeah, that's the kind of thing I've been saying for a long while (and not just on your blog). Fortunately, it isn't "almost from scratch." You already know how to love, you just happened to put the "love" label on the wrong thing.
Here's a clue. Love feels like what you feel
right before you "fall in love." You feel more
you. You feel that you are with someone who makes sense in your life. The "falling in love" and "romance" is the fear of losing that feeling. But the feeling is just the signal that love is present, it isn't love itself.
Have you ever had those times in your life, however brief, where everything just "went right", that you couldn't do anything wrong, that everything right just happened by itself? That's the state of mind you're trying to capture. Doing "not doing." Just being yourself, and being yourself is exactly why everything goes right. Yes, this all maps back to the Tao and the other books I mentioned.
Real love feels "normal," not romantic. The romance is there, the fun is there, the attraction is there, but the fear isn't there. The love "just is." It's a part of what you do and who you are. It's special and important, yes, but it's not as mind-blowing as when you first meet a new love. When something becomes a part of you, a part of your life, it must necessarily "feel normal," otherwise you wouldn't be yourself, and it wouldn't really be love.
Even though I really want to find someone special to share the rest of my life with, I'm starting to think that I might need to simply let that go and date for a bit.
Dating is good. Even better is just meeting people and getting to know them. If you
look too hard for love, you won't find it, because you're going to end up disregarding all the "normal" goodness that would fit in your life, and looking for the special goodness that you think represents love, but isn't really love. Just be yourself, learn to become an even better version of yourself by becoming more you, and let your natural qualities shine through. Eventually, you'll find someone (probably several people) who like you
just the way you are. Of those, some might even be in appropriate circumstances that something long-term is possible.