I think the basic ENFP dilemma and cause of stress is this. We are driven to interact with people -- always fascinated by people and want to get to know them deeper ... BUT ... we have an inner life that only a handful of people 'get'. We've learnt (probably from childhood) that if we express everything we think and feel, we'll be rejected for being way too weird, intense or out-there so we learn to guard our innermost thoughts and feelings. We want to share and connect at that deep level -- it's a very fundamental need -- but we keep the lid on it because we know that most people can't handle our intensity and the almost psychic insights we come up with. So, we have hundreds of surface level friends who think we're charming, happy , fun and loving, but we feel lonely because there are so few people (if any) who *really* get us. We are good at making others feel good, but it's hard for others to make us feel good because only that very deep connection is enough to make us feel good and less alone.
I can relate to the OP somewhat yeah. My problem seems to be though, that unlike other ENFPs,
I have very little patience for superficial interaction. I'm blunt in showing the inside part that ENFPs are afraid to show...and because I do it in a passionate, aggressive way....lol, yeah people don't respond to that in the nicest way sometimes. So ENFPs,
if you want proof of how uncool it is to reveal depth in normal interaction....here I am
Sytpg, I know what you mean. I have, in reference to myself, used this phrase, "One of the foibles of getting older is that I have an increasingly minimal patience for bullshit." With every passing year, I have increasingly less tolerance for ephemeral social niceties that waste my time.
And, tortoise, I loved your OP. I COMPLETELY feel lonely... longing for someone that I can pour my heart out to. Someone who gets the REAL me. Such persons are very few and far between. But as I look back over my life, some definite patterns start to emerge.
In terms of my friends and loved ones lessening my own loneliness, certain types are a better fit for me than others. (especially Ns over Ss.) INFPs have always been my closest friends. I'm in my late thirties, and in my 20 or so years of adulthood, I've always had an INFP BFF. I feel like I can let my guard down and be myself around them. I think of my current INFP BFF. She and I are inseparable. I can reveal to her my innermost self... and she gets it. Ohhhh. I adore her so much.
And in the romantic relationships department, I've also noticed very definite patterns. INTJs & INFJs (same dominant function in the reverse directions, viz., they have Ni dominance and I have Ne dominance) and ISTPs (my Socionics duals) have been the most significant romantic relationships in my life. And I think one of the reasons that I have chosen these men is that they
get me. They are able to fill the void I so much want to be filled... They are able to *really* get me.
I really love this thread. And I appreciate a lot of the funny banter on here, but it also saddens me a bit because I think this is a very important issue for ENFPs. I think it drives a lot of our behavior. So I'd love to hear some serious and insightful thoughts from other ENFPs on this subject.