Yeah, you have a valid point there. I guess my clinginess comes from being a strong 6w7, instead a 7w6 like you are. I just like to have security, some kind of an insurance that I'll hear from her again before she decides to quit on me. Even if there's nothing for sure is on. The last girl, which inspired this thread, said that the coming Friday will be probably okay to meet up. On Thursday I was already angry for she did not call. On Friday, midday, she writes a message asking what time to meet up. I exploded. So we talked it through and I agreed that it's not her job to comfort me with assuring words but insisted that being late for Friday and tossing me an unapologetic message only is just not cool.
Hmm, was she late in getting back to you, as in you thought you'd be hanging out at a much earlier time in the day on Friday? Sometimes people are pretty casual about confirming hang-out dates, which I agree totally sucks - but at the same time, if she thought maybe you meant Friday evening, there's a possibility that she thought a few hours in advance would be sufficient time to set something up. That might just be a personality difference with regard to planning preferences.
The absolute worst is when you think you've made plans with someone and they ditch out at the last minute - when they easily could have let you know much earlier. That one pisses me off the most. It's like, dude, NO PART OF MY DAY MUST GO TO WASTE. I could have allotted that time for something else. So rude, haha.
Neokortex said:
Definitely agree. I've moved on since, although for me it take a bit longer. 6s wouldn't be community builders if they didn't have that drive to account for people, to expect some stability. Since communities consist of all kinds of folks, keeping them together and having the need to account for such wide variety doesn't really come from one's emotions - because no one fits in every group. It rather comes from fear. Without that fear, that calculating, provisioning thinking there would be bigger chaos, I bet.
I have two 6w7 Sx-dom friends who are much,
much more security-oriented in relationships than I am. They fit the one-on-one descriptions of Sx better, and I fit the intensity junkie descriptions better. It's pretty interesting.
Neokortex said:
What I assume, that you as having it easier to move on, perhaps don't plan ahead too much? Like long-term relationship-ish? Does that 7's carpe diem stereotype apply to you?
Yes and no. It's more like my goals are a little different. I don't want to get married or have children, so that significantly affects my outlook and desires with regard to relationships. It matters so much less to me that I find someone with whom I can envision some kind of settled future like that, and therefore my head doesn't occupy that space. I also believe that when things happen organically, they're more authentic and will churn out much higher dividends in terms of happiness. Every time I hear about some dude whose girlfriend pressured him into an engagement, I experience a moment of anger/sadness on his behalf, and relief on mine - relief that I'll never have to deal with a situation like that.
I do think that part of my ability to let go of things quickly is a combination of type 7 and Ni. The situation or detail that I'm hung up on deserves to be flushed out with some catharsis, but then I pick up everything and keep moving because I know that to hold onto it otherwise is useless - it's fat that needs to be trimmed off the bigger picture. I pay attention to the value of lessons and symbols, things like that, but I don't like to dwell on things that bring me down.
Neokortex said:
Are those people, uninhibited by you, of a considerable variety? Introverts, extroverts alike?
The people with whom I successfully initiate contact, or the people who probably wouldn't be attracted to me? Of the guys I've known to like me, there have been a solid blend across the board. Not sure about the guys who feel uncomfortable around forward women, as that seems to be more a question of insecurity than one of extroversion/introversion. Some guys just prefer women who strongly adhere to gender roles; people like what they like, you know?
Neokortex said:
If that's so, you don't sound as much a fierce Amazonian warrior.
Haha, well...I'm not trying to be an Amazonian warrior, or even to be perceived as "fierce." I'm just me. It's not like I go around, kicking down the doors to crowded rooms, announcing my presence by yelling, "WHO WANTS SOME?!"
Neokortex said:
So about the examples... could you tell me 1... and the only case that was the most risky, when you were the most daring with a man, regarding initiation?
My SO and I have been together for three years, and it's probably the highest risk/highest reward situation I've been in (emotionally speaking). He's a lot like me, just a little more grounded and serious - kind of a "strong and silent" type until you really get to know him.
We were friends first, but hadn't seen each other much since college. I was traveling through his part of the country one 4th of July weekend, so I asked him to hang out if he'd like - which he did, because hey, we were friends. However, I really felt like there was sexual interest there too. (Unlike much of what I've seen from others, I don't seem to have a "friend zone." I'm apparently willing to risk all things good and secure in a friendship if I think there's a chance we could improve it with nakedness.)
After hanging out briefly that summer, I invited him to my city, where we finally hooked up. I later told him I loved him. I didn't feel much of a need to ask him to be my boyfriend but I had to, because I'd slipped up and answered affirmatively when a third party asked if we were together. So it was less of a, "Hey, um, so...do you wanna be my boyfriend?" and more of a, "So my jackass coworkers asked if we were a thing and I called you my boyfriend, hope that's cool with you." Pretending to be super casual even though my heart was in my throat, haha.
It felt high stakes because it truly scared me when I realized how into this guy I was. I tried to avoid my feelings at first, but I'm glad that I just tackled them head-on. I wasn't disappointed.
If you meant more of a physically risky, shouldn't-do-this-it's-stupid type of situation, I've got plenty of those stories too (they're just more superficial kinds of highs, like sexual games of chicken).