skylights
i love
- Joined
- Jul 6, 2010
- Messages
- 7,756
- MBTI Type
- INFP
- Enneagram
- 6w7
- Instinctual Variant
- so/sx
The worst problem for me seems to be that people assume something's wrong if I don't display enthusiasm. And they expect a certain level of it almost constantly. That's impossible for me. For the most part, I just *do not* express emotion easily (unless the stimuli is extreme), and plus, I don't get excited about the same things that most people do.
I grew up with two IxTPs, so I guess I'm sort of used to them and their relative emotionlessness, but it's pretty easy for me to tell what they get enthusiastic about, because they get really heady about it and start talking quickly and in-depth about it. I think Fs need to get over ourselves, too, just because we're not getting the responses we expect or desire. I think we tend to get upset if we're not getting the emotional affirmation we tend to seek. As for addressing it, you can always verbally say that you're interested in the subject, or other overt verbal cues, if we seem to demonstrate disappointment.
I think also with ExFJs, there is more of an expectation of giving certain cues at certain times. I try to follow those "rules" when I'm with people I know are strong FJs... for example, when first encountering them, asking them how they're doing, and how the people important to them are doing. I also try to follow up what they state with questions about details to demonstrate interest. It's sort of foreign to my own natural processing but it seems to ease interaction.
INTJs have it rough, socially. Not only is their feeling pushed back into the tert function slot, but it's introverted feeling-- which is absolutely useless as social wheel grease. Inferior Fe is actually more useful than tertiary Fi when it comes to that, despite being a weaker form of feeling.
I think there is some truth to this, though also ways to get around it. Fi genuineness of feeling is the endpoint of Fe, in a way, just as Fe is the endpoint of Fi, in a way. In other words, if Fe is applied and everything goes well, everyone's internal wellbeing will be improved, which is the focus of Fi. And if Fi is applied and everything goes well, everyone's interpersonal environment will be improved, which is the focus of Fe. Fi can be used to navigate socially, but for NTJs and NFPs I think it has to be used in concert with N pattern recognition and T external constancy to mimic the relation-roles of Fe. I think detachment can be an asset, too, in terms of being personally consistent and being genuinely kind and empathetic, which tends to be MO of more mature INTJs - for example uumlau and ceecee- who seem to have a natural refinement - a sort of steady wisdom, genuine concern, and detachment - that can also translate over into smooth social interaction.